Okay so it's really me typing but it's Zach's perspective:
1. Mommy is good and making me feel better. She holds me close when I need comfort and gives me lots of kisses (cheek). She lets me sit on her lap with all my taggies and blankie too. Her arms feel good.
2. I love sitting next to Mommy at meals. She gives me lots of hugs and kisses while we eat. It's nice to get so many hugs and kisses
3. I love when Mommy sits next to me in the car when Daddy drives. She holds my hand and sneaks in kisses. I love having her near.
These aren't exactly his words. But these are things he clearly loves. He comes to me for comfort, wants to sit next to me at restaurants and Grandma and Pop's house, and often asks me to sit next to him in the car if Daddy is driving. In parking lots he can choose my hand or Josh's and chooses mine.
He's a Mommy's boy. There is no denying it. We share a lot of hugs and kisses. At bedtime I say "Hugs, Cuddles, and Kisses". At preschool drop off he always says "two hugs, two kisses, and one cuddle" and we do. Josh and I started saying that to each other after we said "I love you" while dating.
When Zach was born one of the first things I did when I FINALLY got to hold him was kiss his cheek and say "Kisses from Mommy because Mommy loves you". I say that at bedtime too. When he was 3 months old I remember him open mouthed bobbing at my cheek. At first I thought he was trying to bite me since that's around when he started teething but it turned out he was sharing his love with a 3 month old's version of kisses. That's why I started the "kisses from Mommy" thing. So long before he could say the words he'd be able to show how he really feels. Clearly, the lesson worked.
I frequently post about how Zach and I share an interest in gardening and decorating as well as how wonderful he is. I posted about parenting Zach and it's better then I ever dreamed. While there are many posts on a variety of topics there is one thing that is always clear about Zach, he's a fantastic child and I love him so much.
Recently, I posted about my miscarriages and how much I love just watching him. He's almost 4 and I find myself cherishing how small he still is. Friday was the Mother's Day show at his school and I made it a point at bedtime to tell him this "All I ever wanted was to be a Mommy. You made me a Mommy. It's the best gift in the world. Thank you for making me a Mommy". Later, I said to Josh this, "Thanks for having sex with me and making me a Mommy. You're the best husband and Daddy in the world." He laughed.
Most Mother's feel like they have the best kids in the world and most wives feel they have the best husbands in the world. It's sort of like when I redefined "perfect". We all have different definitions for "best kid(s)/spouse" and that's good. We are all different in so many other ways. I'm sure there are other fantastic husbands (my Dad being the first to come to mind) who could win MVH awards (Most Valuable Husband) but Josh is perfect for me. He gets my Frannyisms and is entertained by most of them. A favorite being a passionate kiss followed by "you're sick not dead" which recently got revived as "I'm sick not dead" (bad allergies).
I love my Mom very much. She might be a difficult person but that's how she was created and that's how she likes it. It's not easy being her daughter. Sometimes I do feel like a disappointment but then she reminds me of all the things about me she appreciated/appreciates and I feel better.
Basically, I was born with an eating disorder. I came home from the hospital on a Friday with one instruction to get me to Monday "make sure she eats". Needless to say breastfeeding didn't work and a bath only helped a little. The bath was recommended by the doctor when my parents called in a panic. They kept a journal. Zach's Pediatrician was mine, it was a new practice for me, and he STILL talks about that at the well-visits. Mainly because that was never an issue with Zach. It was never an issue with my brother. My Mom tells the swim class story. 6 Month old me at swim class required the small bottle and a lot of "just a little more" encouragement. My brother gulped the big bottle and threw it away.
My diet struggles will forever be my Mother's. She suffers with me. She's a fantastic Mother. I know she loves me. For every "you were a frustrating kid to feed" story there are two "you were so wonderful" stories. For my parents, We were the best kids in the world (until Zach). My Mom says he's the best of both me and my brother, a healthy appetite but so good at being polite, being gentle, hugs, ect..... it's a long list.
With one child it would be easy to spoil them. Most parents of only children try not to. We are among that list. It's hard though because like 95% of his requests are reasonable. When he's being reasonable it's hard to not give him what he wants. But that's what we all want, for our kids to be reasonable in what they ask for. He's not "tantrum in store until I get this toy or dragged out" kind of kid and never has been. We are blessed.
It's Mother's Day. All I ever wanted even as a little girl was to be a wife and mother. My 5th grade bookmark for "future career" says "day care worker". I've always wanted to take care of others. I'm living my dream............mostly..........and am very happy with my life.
My first Mother's Day was when I was pregnant at about 34 weeks. "Zach" gave me a topaz necklace. Instinct told me the day of my 38 week u/s would be the day he was born. Actually, that was the instinct from the moment I saw the two lines on the pregnancy test. Somehow, I just knew just like I knew I was going to get pregnant that day while planting those Hyacinths. That's why I wore that necklace to that u/s, I wanted to be wearing it when we was born. Sure enough I wore it the entire time I was in the hospital. It's my "Zachary" necklace and I wear it with my Summer wardrobe. My mom was in the delivery room when he was born. I highly recommend that.
Happy Mother's Day to all of us Mommies. It's the title I always wanted and wear proudly. I will be spending a lot of today just watching my Zach and giving him lots of hugs and kisses...as usual. That's how all Mother's should spend Mother's Day, if possible. Because "kisses from Mommy because Mommy loves you" applies to all of us Mommies.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Sunday, May 05, 2013
Flashback (Edit: Our Visit)
We went to the Nursery to get Josh's Mom's flowers for her Mother's Day gift. My Mom will get some cash for some of hers. It's a long standing gift they both have voiced a preference for. While there, the owner said, "Fran, hold on I have something for you". I couldn't think of what it could be but what it was certainly wasn't on my list of possibilities (which only had "nametag" on it since I get confused for an Employee there sometimes).
It was a business card for an old High School friend. I knew she still lived in the area but I didn't know were. Many years ago my Mom ran into her and she said she is a Lesbian and living with her partner. She also has a condition called Synesthesia which is an oversensitive sensory system. I was happy to hear she was doing well then but wasn't on Facebook yet and didn't run into her myself.
She knew I go to that Nursery frequently and left her card there with her number so I can call her. She wants to renew our friendship. I sent her a "friend" request when I got home and I will call her when I'm done with this. I have fond memories of her. I was shy in High School so she was one of a few close friends I had. I have run into other kids from High School and am amazed at how many people I assumed never noticed me actually remember me.
The Nursery is on a main street in town so she must have seen me walking. Apparently, I look the same. I don't know whether that means I looked 32 at 17 or that I look young now. I don't use anti-aging product so that could go either way. She also told the Nursery owner that she sometimes drives by my parent's house and thinks of me. I hope if she ever sees me she'll park, get out, and chat for a while.
We met in the 5th grade. Back then, that was the last year in Elementary school. Our town has 4 elementary schools and once a year we did this one town-wide trip so the kids can meet other kids from other Elementary schools. She went to the Elementary school Zach will be going to. I live very close to her parent's old house and think of her often too as I walk by. That trip was to Stokes State Forest. It's in New York and the trip was brutally in February. "Cold" was an understatement!
We hung out the Summer before college some but once College started we drifted apart. I started off spending two years of college in South Carolina. That's one of the charms about growing up in a small town and never really leaving it. You can grow apart from your childhood friends but you never know who will reappear in your life. This isn't the first time I have renewed an old friendship.
She may have been searching for me using my maiden name "C" but I haven't been Fran "C" since October of 2004. Now I'm Fran "S". Fran "C" is a different person. She's shy, innocent, positive, and likes the compliment of "you need to gain weight". Fran S is 100% DOMESTIC! She gardens, decorates, cooks, talks to people all the time, is no longer innocent about how deceptive people can be, and is exhausted with the battle to loose weight.
It was easy to stay positive and find the good in everything when I felt that most people were trustworthy. Of course, back then I didn't read the news. But as an adult it's important to be informed. I have been struggling to find the good in everything without loosing that sense for "what are they really saying"? You can't be positive if you feel you can't trust people but it's hard to know who is honest anymore. The episodes of Depression don't help.
I froze when "B" handed me that card. I had been searching for that "always positive always happy" person I use to be and trying to fit that mentality into my life today. I started with being pickier about what I read in the news.
Anie has changed too. She used to be Anita. I make it clear on this blog how much I support Gay Rights and marriage equality. On her Facebook page I saw her with her partner, so happy. This is the kind of couple I am fighting for and with.
It's flattering that she has been thinking of me and trying to find me to renew our friendship. I have been thinking of her as well as other long-lost friends too. Facebook becomes a mass of posts that blend in and don't usually make sense. Reconnecting in person once in a while is where actual connections are made. I might find out on Facebook when someone is pregnant, had a baby, bought a house, moved, got Engaged, got Married, or ended their relationship but that's the big life things. It's not connecting with the other person. Anie wants to connect as true friends again and I would love that. It's nice to talk to my childhood friend who is now a nurse in Virginia but I miss spending time with her.
She has her Synesthesia, I have my OCD and General Anxiety Disorder. I know I had mine in High School (both are genetic remember) she may have had hers then too. Now we know the names and are finding our own ways to manage them. Anie wrote a book about her Synesthesia. She also has a website. This book is to help others better understand a condition they probably have never heard of and/or probably don't understand. A lot of people probably blow it off as "overreacts to everything". It's not like that just like OCD isn't washing your hands 1,000 times a day for everyone. You can buy it on Amazon at the below link for $21 (listed $45 but on sale).
http://www.amazon.com/Eccentricity-Anie-Knipping/dp/1469920522/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1367786645&sr=1-1&keywords=Anie+Knipping
Maybe by renewing this friendship I can find that part of me that is always happy and positive, finding at least a little good in everything. Sometimes we have to rediscover who we were to become who we want to be. When your world is full of nerve-racking disorganization, fear over the well being of yourself and loved ones, and worries.......it's hard to be happy. I have a lot of small happy and positive moments but not enough big ones. To get my long-lost and long-cherished optimism back I need to have a reason to be optimistic in the first place. That optimism returns when I see the world differently.
I don't think it's a coincidence that this happened now. I was at the Nursery yesterday around noon. This morning we were there around noon. They close at six. It was God's plan for us to not meet yesterday but soon. I almost went back to the Nursery in the late afternoon but changed my mind yesterday. Fate. We weren't ready yet. Hopefully soon. Only in a small town can you stay this connected without a computer and without seeing each other. We go by each other's childhood houses all the time, why haven't we seen each other? How did she know I go into the Nursery all the time? That it would be the best way to find me?
I have some "how did you find me?" questions for her but first I have a giant hug for her. I hope she will be okay with that. She used to be. Neither of us are the same as when we were in High School. But it might turn out we aren't that different. We walk the same streets now that we did then but our paths haven't crossed......yet. Why?
I am feeling a little better. My optimism is coming back. Maybe it's time for Fran S. to meet Fran C. Our reunion will be filled with memories and catching up but hopefully it will end with a real friendship again. That friendship will be different then before because we're not the same people but can be just as strong. Same goes for seeing Ania.
Edit: It turns out she's a Gardening addict like me and frequents that nursery too! How have we not run into each other? She saw me leaving yesterday and recognized my distinct walk. I didn't know I HAD a distinct walk. I bet she didn't think "B" was LITERAL when she said I come in daily. Anyway, she's coming over tomorrow to catch up, meet Zach, and talk GARDENING!!! On the way to get Zach from school I think I'll take her to my parent's house to show off my flowers there. My Mom said I planted enough flowers for her and gave me back the Mother's Day money. There will probably be a classmate's party this month so that will be good to have. I'll edit this again after our visit :)!
Edit: Our visit started with a really long hug. We talked a lot about High School and people we knew as well as our partners/soul-mates. She brought me some Gladiolus bulbs. They are Summer flowers that grow a little tall and need to be bound to something. I have to ask Paula about where she would like to put them and research what to do with them in Winter but they were a nice surprise. That is especially true for Zach. When we got home from picking him up he found them and immediately wanted to plant them. I told him that one or two can be his but I would have to talk to Paula about location. I had pots for her. In previous years, I put 5 of my 8 Marigolds in window box pots but with the new style pots I got this year I included extra for those plants instead. As flowers die I like being able to remove them and just rearrange what's left. With the long window pot I would have to disturb the roots of the remaining flowers. She needed window pots anyway. She gave me a copy of her book and signed it as well. We talked a ton about gardening. She loves that I move the pots of fading flowers to the back of the garden to feature the healthier things like the Pansies will be in the back of the garden come June and the Marigolds and Daisies will be moved come Aster/Mum season. Anie loved my pots and asked where I got them (Kmart).
I did rediscover the optimistic part of me. I didn't realize I impacted her life so much simply by being a friend but apparently I did. I needed that. Suddenly, it's easy to be positive. Today that was tested. At my parent's house is a tree that goes into the driveway a little bit. I could see it from my bedroom window. Today it was cut down. It was a fall risk in case we have another Sandy-like storm but I have so many memories of that tree (and not just "watch out for the side mirror when parking"). So many first days of school were greeted with a bird on that tree singing with my windows open. It's one of my favorite things at that house and it's gone. But here's the positive: it's one less thing to worry about in the next storm and parking will be a lot easier especially since I like to back up!
This was a wonderful day. Her apartment is on the 5th floor and my fear of heights means I can't get to it but I will visit HER garden soon. Zach loved proudly telling her his favorite flower is "Pansies" mine are a toss between Marigolds and Mums. It turns out neither of us have changed that much even though we are very different then the teenagers we were. It's the kind of Frannyism only those who know me get. Anie will get it when she reads this. Rediscovering our pasts helped both of us make sense of our present. How did we get here? How did our lives lead us to where we are? She Majored in Graphic Design because she loved art and thought it was the only thing she was good at. I Majored in Dance because I thought it was the only thing I was good at. We both were wrong, we are good at many things but taking care of our loved ones is our biggest strength. Something we still share. I'm not surprised she pursued art. She did Art for the Middle School Magazine. She was great at it, I wasn't but it was something we did together.
Today came so easy. There were a lot of hugs! We really didn't miss a beat. Zach likes meeting my old friends. He's used to my friends being parents of his friends. It opens a new world for him when he meets someone I knew from long ago. He loves hearing us reminisce because it lets him learn about who Mommy used to be like. You mean Mommy and Daddy weren't always together? The class reunion was $80 per person in 2009. Neither of us felt that was worth it. She asked for the best way to meet former classmates. I said, "walk up and down "B" Ave." "B" Ave. is the main street in the center of town. You really do run into so many people there. Example: last Thursday Josh and I walked that street while Zach was at babysitting with my Parents. We ran into Zach's close friend from school and his family. We are close with the family too. That's where I got the RSVP that all of them will be at his party. Small towns rock!!!
It was a business card for an old High School friend. I knew she still lived in the area but I didn't know were. Many years ago my Mom ran into her and she said she is a Lesbian and living with her partner. She also has a condition called Synesthesia which is an oversensitive sensory system. I was happy to hear she was doing well then but wasn't on Facebook yet and didn't run into her myself.
She knew I go to that Nursery frequently and left her card there with her number so I can call her. She wants to renew our friendship. I sent her a "friend" request when I got home and I will call her when I'm done with this. I have fond memories of her. I was shy in High School so she was one of a few close friends I had. I have run into other kids from High School and am amazed at how many people I assumed never noticed me actually remember me.
The Nursery is on a main street in town so she must have seen me walking. Apparently, I look the same. I don't know whether that means I looked 32 at 17 or that I look young now. I don't use anti-aging product so that could go either way. She also told the Nursery owner that she sometimes drives by my parent's house and thinks of me. I hope if she ever sees me she'll park, get out, and chat for a while.
We met in the 5th grade. Back then, that was the last year in Elementary school. Our town has 4 elementary schools and once a year we did this one town-wide trip so the kids can meet other kids from other Elementary schools. She went to the Elementary school Zach will be going to. I live very close to her parent's old house and think of her often too as I walk by. That trip was to Stokes State Forest. It's in New York and the trip was brutally in February. "Cold" was an understatement!
We hung out the Summer before college some but once College started we drifted apart. I started off spending two years of college in South Carolina. That's one of the charms about growing up in a small town and never really leaving it. You can grow apart from your childhood friends but you never know who will reappear in your life. This isn't the first time I have renewed an old friendship.
She may have been searching for me using my maiden name "C" but I haven't been Fran "C" since October of 2004. Now I'm Fran "S". Fran "C" is a different person. She's shy, innocent, positive, and likes the compliment of "you need to gain weight". Fran S is 100% DOMESTIC! She gardens, decorates, cooks, talks to people all the time, is no longer innocent about how deceptive people can be, and is exhausted with the battle to loose weight.
It was easy to stay positive and find the good in everything when I felt that most people were trustworthy. Of course, back then I didn't read the news. But as an adult it's important to be informed. I have been struggling to find the good in everything without loosing that sense for "what are they really saying"? You can't be positive if you feel you can't trust people but it's hard to know who is honest anymore. The episodes of Depression don't help.
I froze when "B" handed me that card. I had been searching for that "always positive always happy" person I use to be and trying to fit that mentality into my life today. I started with being pickier about what I read in the news.
Anie has changed too. She used to be Anita. I make it clear on this blog how much I support Gay Rights and marriage equality. On her Facebook page I saw her with her partner, so happy. This is the kind of couple I am fighting for and with.
It's flattering that she has been thinking of me and trying to find me to renew our friendship. I have been thinking of her as well as other long-lost friends too. Facebook becomes a mass of posts that blend in and don't usually make sense. Reconnecting in person once in a while is where actual connections are made. I might find out on Facebook when someone is pregnant, had a baby, bought a house, moved, got Engaged, got Married, or ended their relationship but that's the big life things. It's not connecting with the other person. Anie wants to connect as true friends again and I would love that. It's nice to talk to my childhood friend who is now a nurse in Virginia but I miss spending time with her.
She has her Synesthesia, I have my OCD and General Anxiety Disorder. I know I had mine in High School (both are genetic remember) she may have had hers then too. Now we know the names and are finding our own ways to manage them. Anie wrote a book about her Synesthesia. She also has a website. This book is to help others better understand a condition they probably have never heard of and/or probably don't understand. A lot of people probably blow it off as "overreacts to everything". It's not like that just like OCD isn't washing your hands 1,000 times a day for everyone. You can buy it on Amazon at the below link for $21 (listed $45 but on sale).
http://www.amazon.com/Eccentricity-Anie-Knipping/dp/1469920522/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1367786645&sr=1-1&keywords=Anie+Knipping
Maybe by renewing this friendship I can find that part of me that is always happy and positive, finding at least a little good in everything. Sometimes we have to rediscover who we were to become who we want to be. When your world is full of nerve-racking disorganization, fear over the well being of yourself and loved ones, and worries.......it's hard to be happy. I have a lot of small happy and positive moments but not enough big ones. To get my long-lost and long-cherished optimism back I need to have a reason to be optimistic in the first place. That optimism returns when I see the world differently.
I don't think it's a coincidence that this happened now. I was at the Nursery yesterday around noon. This morning we were there around noon. They close at six. It was God's plan for us to not meet yesterday but soon. I almost went back to the Nursery in the late afternoon but changed my mind yesterday. Fate. We weren't ready yet. Hopefully soon. Only in a small town can you stay this connected without a computer and without seeing each other. We go by each other's childhood houses all the time, why haven't we seen each other? How did she know I go into the Nursery all the time? That it would be the best way to find me?
I have some "how did you find me?" questions for her but first I have a giant hug for her. I hope she will be okay with that. She used to be. Neither of us are the same as when we were in High School. But it might turn out we aren't that different. We walk the same streets now that we did then but our paths haven't crossed......yet. Why?
I am feeling a little better. My optimism is coming back. Maybe it's time for Fran S. to meet Fran C. Our reunion will be filled with memories and catching up but hopefully it will end with a real friendship again. That friendship will be different then before because we're not the same people but can be just as strong. Same goes for seeing Ania.
Edit: It turns out she's a Gardening addict like me and frequents that nursery too! How have we not run into each other? She saw me leaving yesterday and recognized my distinct walk. I didn't know I HAD a distinct walk. I bet she didn't think "B" was LITERAL when she said I come in daily. Anyway, she's coming over tomorrow to catch up, meet Zach, and talk GARDENING!!! On the way to get Zach from school I think I'll take her to my parent's house to show off my flowers there. My Mom said I planted enough flowers for her and gave me back the Mother's Day money. There will probably be a classmate's party this month so that will be good to have. I'll edit this again after our visit :)!
Edit: Our visit started with a really long hug. We talked a lot about High School and people we knew as well as our partners/soul-mates. She brought me some Gladiolus bulbs. They are Summer flowers that grow a little tall and need to be bound to something. I have to ask Paula about where she would like to put them and research what to do with them in Winter but they were a nice surprise. That is especially true for Zach. When we got home from picking him up he found them and immediately wanted to plant them. I told him that one or two can be his but I would have to talk to Paula about location. I had pots for her. In previous years, I put 5 of my 8 Marigolds in window box pots but with the new style pots I got this year I included extra for those plants instead. As flowers die I like being able to remove them and just rearrange what's left. With the long window pot I would have to disturb the roots of the remaining flowers. She needed window pots anyway. She gave me a copy of her book and signed it as well. We talked a ton about gardening. She loves that I move the pots of fading flowers to the back of the garden to feature the healthier things like the Pansies will be in the back of the garden come June and the Marigolds and Daisies will be moved come Aster/Mum season. Anie loved my pots and asked where I got them (Kmart).
I did rediscover the optimistic part of me. I didn't realize I impacted her life so much simply by being a friend but apparently I did. I needed that. Suddenly, it's easy to be positive. Today that was tested. At my parent's house is a tree that goes into the driveway a little bit. I could see it from my bedroom window. Today it was cut down. It was a fall risk in case we have another Sandy-like storm but I have so many memories of that tree (and not just "watch out for the side mirror when parking"). So many first days of school were greeted with a bird on that tree singing with my windows open. It's one of my favorite things at that house and it's gone. But here's the positive: it's one less thing to worry about in the next storm and parking will be a lot easier especially since I like to back up!
This was a wonderful day. Her apartment is on the 5th floor and my fear of heights means I can't get to it but I will visit HER garden soon. Zach loved proudly telling her his favorite flower is "Pansies" mine are a toss between Marigolds and Mums. It turns out neither of us have changed that much even though we are very different then the teenagers we were. It's the kind of Frannyism only those who know me get. Anie will get it when she reads this. Rediscovering our pasts helped both of us make sense of our present. How did we get here? How did our lives lead us to where we are? She Majored in Graphic Design because she loved art and thought it was the only thing she was good at. I Majored in Dance because I thought it was the only thing I was good at. We both were wrong, we are good at many things but taking care of our loved ones is our biggest strength. Something we still share. I'm not surprised she pursued art. She did Art for the Middle School Magazine. She was great at it, I wasn't but it was something we did together.
Today came so easy. There were a lot of hugs! We really didn't miss a beat. Zach likes meeting my old friends. He's used to my friends being parents of his friends. It opens a new world for him when he meets someone I knew from long ago. He loves hearing us reminisce because it lets him learn about who Mommy used to be like. You mean Mommy and Daddy weren't always together? The class reunion was $80 per person in 2009. Neither of us felt that was worth it. She asked for the best way to meet former classmates. I said, "walk up and down "B" Ave." "B" Ave. is the main street in the center of town. You really do run into so many people there. Example: last Thursday Josh and I walked that street while Zach was at babysitting with my Parents. We ran into Zach's close friend from school and his family. We are close with the family too. That's where I got the RSVP that all of them will be at his party. Small towns rock!!!
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
I Did the Math (edit: 5/12/2013)
Well, to afford a second child the take home income would have to look like this:
Clearly, that will never happen. Even the conservative take home budget looks like this:
But what can realistically happen is financial independence. That is a big thing. We are closer to that then I thought. I checked rent on nearby 3br homes and there were some for $1,500 or less but you have more options with $2,000. $1,500 is what we agreed to pay my parents but then we had our financial meltdown. Now we pay $25. At one point it was $10 but I have raised rent as I can with Josh's raises. The ideal budget for just us three would look like this:
Financial Independence looks like this:
That means we are off by about $10,000 a year. I say $600 for rent so it covers the Maintenance fee. The Condo is paid for that that's the only real expense my parents have for it currently. Currently, Our monthly budget looks like this:
I budget $430 a week but Josh always takes home a little more then that. PSE&G has been about $60 a month recently but with Summer coming I need A/C in the budget. Edit: 5/12/13 It occurs to me if you do the math things won't add up. What you don't see here is a formula. Josh works 1 hour and 15 minutes away. Knowing he doesn't make much each week he gets a $50 check on his desk to go to gas. It's part of the QC department's budget. He only takes out $30 a week for gas because he has that $50. Progressive auto is usually under $85 but I keep it at $100 because you never know. These little things including grocery change add up. They are cushions for rising cost of living expenses but that extra from there goes to savings. Combined, that's how we make up the missing $800 a year. More Edit below Here's the problem, Our savings for the year has to look like this:
So we are a little shy of that $200 a month minimum we need for savings but that is a little deceiving. $700 a year comes from change. Josh gets a haircut every other month, 10 months of the year I only get gas every 2 weeks, and we average more then $5 a week grocery change but I budget only $5 a month.
There are surprises throughout the year too. If we go on vacation it's with my parent's help and because of a nice tax refund. Josh's sister is a fantastic Accountant!!! The tax refund money determines what we can afford to do over the summer. With the budget in yellow we might actually be able to stretch the $420 a year for a pool membership without relying on the refund. That refund really means a lot for our budget. This year's refund covers a lot of things including enough to add to savings where we don't need to rely on refund money in 2014 to cover expenses. Currently, we are about $725 shy even with the $700 budgeted change.
I did this budget recently but here's the part that surprises me, these are basically always our expenses and somehow we always find that $725 and more. Part of that is because I underestimate pay and overestimate expenses. For this month, over $200 will go into savings (it might be over $300 if Josh works just a little more unbudgeted overtime) some is refund money. Keep in mind my budget originally was closer to $40. On average, monthly savings is about $100 with $20 budgeted.
It's a miracle but between our family and God's help we are able to make it even when the math looks something like this:
Budgeted Savings:
I budget $45 a month. That means more then $100 at the end of December. That $100 will carry over into the next year. I have $100 set aside to start this budget in January. The rest is already budgeted for. The garden budget looks like this:
It's our reality. I just have to trust in God that we'll be okay. He always comes through. Even if we can't afford a second child, we really need that $43,260.00 take home. I have no idea what the actual salary would need to be to account for taxes, health costs, and adding Zach to dental insurance. My guess is about $48,000 a year. That's reachable. We should be able to do that and hopefully more. I'll let you know when I get more news. Edit 5/12/13 ctd: Some of this budget has already changed. Right now, it's what's below. I added Begonias back into my garden. I had taken them out but missed them so they are back but it was easy to add them in without influencing what is budgeted. Daisies spread more then I realized and those are 15" pots at my Mom's so this seems like it's what's best. Garden change goes to next year's garden.
| 2nd Child | ||
| Rent | $3,000.00 | $36,000.00 |
| PSE&G | $500.00 | $6,000.00 |
| Kid | $1,000.00 | $12,000.00 |
| Verizon | $120.00 | $1,440.00 |
| Comcast | $200.00 | $2,400.00 |
| Progressive | $200.00 | $2,400.00 |
| Car | $100.00 | $1,200.00 |
| Preschool | $600.00 | $7,200.00 |
| Garden | $50.00 | $600.00 |
| Josh Haircut | $20.00 | $240.00 |
| Week 1 | $300.00 | $3,600.00 |
| Week 2 | $300.00 | $3,600.00 |
| week 3 | $325.00 | $3,900.00 |
| Week 4 | $550.00 | $6,600.00 |
| Savings | $225.00 | $2,700.00 |
| $7,490.00 | $89,880.00 |
Clearly, that will never happen. Even the conservative take home budget looks like this:
| 2nd Child | ||
| Rent | $2,000.00 | $24,000.00 |
| PSE&G | $500.00 | $6,000.00 |
| Kid | $800.00 | $9,600.00 |
| Verizon | $120.00 | $1,440.00 |
| Comcast | $200.00 | $2,400.00 |
| Progressive | $200.00 | $2,400.00 |
| Car | $50.00 | $600.00 |
| Preschool | $560.00 | $6,720.00 |
| Garden | $45.00 | $540.00 |
| Josh Haircut | $15.00 | $180.00 |
| Week 1 | $300.00 | $3,600.00 |
| Week 2 | $300.00 | $3,600.00 |
| week 3 | $325.00 | $3,900.00 |
| Week 4 | $550.00 | $6,600.00 |
| Savings | $125.00 | $1,500.00 |
| $6,090.00 | $73,080.00 |
But what can realistically happen is financial independence. That is a big thing. We are closer to that then I thought. I checked rent on nearby 3br homes and there were some for $1,500 or less but you have more options with $2,000. $1,500 is what we agreed to pay my parents but then we had our financial meltdown. Now we pay $25. At one point it was $10 but I have raised rent as I can with Josh's raises. The ideal budget for just us three would look like this:
| Month | Annual | |
| PSE&G | $150.00 | $1,800.00 |
| Verizon | $120.00 | $1,440.00 |
| Comcast | $200.00 | $2,400.00 |
| Progressive | $200.00 | $2,400.00 |
| Rent | $1,500.00 | $18,000.00 |
| Car | $100.00 | $1,200.00 |
| Preschool | $600.00 | $7,200.00 |
| Garden | $50.00 | $600.00 |
| Josh Haircut | $20.00 | $240.00 |
| Week 1 | $300.00 | $3,600.00 |
| Week 2 | $300.00 | $3,600.00 |
| week 3 | $325.00 | $3,900.00 |
| Week 4 | $500.00 | $6,000.00 |
| Savings | $225.00 | $2,700.00 |
| $4,590.00 | $55,080.00 | |
| week | $1,147.50 | |
| hour | $28.69 |
Financial Independence looks like this:
| Month | Annual | |
| PSE&G | $125.00 | $1,500.00 |
| Verizon | $120.00 | $1,440.00 |
| Comcast | $200.00 | $2,400.00 |
| Progressive | $200.00 | $2,400.00 |
| Rent | $600.00 | $7,200.00 |
| Car | $50.00 | $600.00 |
| Preschool | $600.00 | $7,200.00 |
| Garden | $45.00 | $540.00 |
| Josh Haircut | $15.00 | $180.00 |
| Week 1 | $300.00 | $3,600.00 |
| Week 2 | $300.00 | $3,600.00 |
| week 3 | $325.00 | $3,900.00 |
| Week 4 | $500.00 | $6,000.00 |
| Savings | $225.00 | $2,700.00 |
| $3,605.00 | $43,260.00 | |
| week | $901.25 | |
| hour | $22.53 |
That means we are off by about $10,000 a year. I say $600 for rent so it covers the Maintenance fee. The Condo is paid for that that's the only real expense my parents have for it currently. Currently, Our monthly budget looks like this:
| Week 1 | TD Checking | Cash Week By Week | |||
| Paychecks | $430.00 | Starting | $100.00 | Week 1 | |
| PSE&G | $110.00 | Hostage | $100.00 | Groceries | $175.00 |
| Week 1 envelope | $245.00 | Total | $0.00 | Take Out | $20.00 |
| Total | $75.00 | Fran Gas | $20.00 | ||
| Gas | $80.00 | ||||
| Week 2 | $295.00 | ||||
| Paychecks plus Extra | $505.00 | Week 2 | |||
| Week 2 envelope | $245.00 | Groceries | $175.00 | ||
| Verizon | $58.00 | Take Out | $20.00 | ||
| Comcast | $120.00 | Fran Gas | $20.00 | ||
| Total | $82.00 | Gas | $80.00 | ||
| $295.00 | |||||
| Week 3 | Week 3 | ||||
| Paychecks plus Extra | $512.00 | Groceries | $175.00 | ||
| Week 3 envelope | $275.00 | Take Out | $50.00 | ||
| Progressive | $100.00 | Fran Gas | $20.00 | ||
| Total | $137.00 | Gas | $80.00 | ||
| $325.00 | |||||
| Week 4 | Week 4 | ||||
| Paychecks plus Extra | $567.00 | Target | $75.00 | ||
| Week 4 Envelope | $440.00 | Groceries | $175.00 | ||
| Rent | $25.00 | Take Out | $20.00 | ||
| Car Savings | $20.00 | Wine | $120.00 | ||
| Josh Haircut | $15.00 | Fran Gas | $20.00 | ||
| Garden Budget | $45.00 | Gas | $80.00 | ||
| Savings | $20.00 | $490.00 | |||
| Total | $2.00 | ||||
| Health Debit Card | |||||
| Week 5 | Starting | $200 | |||
| Paychecks plus Extra | $432.00 | ||||
| Week 5 Envelope | $245.00 | ||||
| Wine | $30.00 | ||||
| Savings | $155.00 | ||||
| Total | $2.00 | ||||
| Fidelity (* | |||||
| Starting | $3.34 | ||||
| Car Savings | |||||
| Starting | $0.00 | ||||
| Garden Starter | $100.00 |
| Lime (1) | $10.00 |
| Christmas Picture | $80.00 |
| Car Registrations | $2 200.00 |
| Anniversary | $45.00 |
| Halloween | $25.00 |
| Easter | $25.00 |
| Fran Birthday | $20.00 |
| Josh Birthday | $20.00 |
| Zach's Birthday | $250.00 |
| Zach's Birthday Gifts | $40.00 |
| F Mother's Day | $20.00 |
| Mom S Mother's Day | $10.00 |
| Mom C Mother's Day | $10.00 |
| J Father's Day | $20.00 |
| Dad S Father's Day | $10.00 |
| Mike Birthday | $15.00 |
| Sammi Birthday | $15.00 |
| Lisa Birthday | $15.00 |
| Mom S Birthday | $15.00 |
| Dad S Birthday | $15.00 |
| Jake Birthday | $15.00 |
| Christmas Tip | $10.00 |
| Birthday Presents | $400.00 (20 friend parties $20 each) |
| Zach Clothes | $1000.00 |
| Haircut | $50.00 (I only get 1 a year) |
| $2,235.00 | |
| need a month | $186.25 |
So we are a little shy of that $200 a month minimum we need for savings but that is a little deceiving. $700 a year comes from change. Josh gets a haircut every other month, 10 months of the year I only get gas every 2 weeks, and we average more then $5 a week grocery change but I budget only $5 a month.
There are surprises throughout the year too. If we go on vacation it's with my parent's help and because of a nice tax refund. Josh's sister is a fantastic Accountant!!! The tax refund money determines what we can afford to do over the summer. With the budget in yellow we might actually be able to stretch the $420 a year for a pool membership without relying on the refund. That refund really means a lot for our budget. This year's refund covers a lot of things including enough to add to savings where we don't need to rely on refund money in 2014 to cover expenses. Currently, we are about $725 shy even with the $700 budgeted change.
I did this budget recently but here's the part that surprises me, these are basically always our expenses and somehow we always find that $725 and more. Part of that is because I underestimate pay and overestimate expenses. For this month, over $200 will go into savings (it might be over $300 if Josh works just a little more unbudgeted overtime) some is refund money. Keep in mind my budget originally was closer to $40. On average, monthly savings is about $100 with $20 budgeted.
It's a miracle but between our family and God's help we are able to make it even when the math looks something like this:
Budgeted Savings:
| 4 week months | $240.00 |
| 5 week months (4) | $620.00 |
| Total | $860.00 |
| Difference | -$1,425.00 |
| (need from refund) | |
| Annual Possible from Change | $700.00 |
| Minimum refund | -$725.00 |
| Week: $445.00 | Hour: $13.94 |
| Josh needs an extra $15 a week to break even without need a refund | |
| Dried Blood (2) | $30.00 |
| Mom's Garden | $50.00 |
| Early Spring | $25.00 |
| Garden Spring | $85.00 |
| Summer | $55.00 |
| Bulbs | $45.00 |
| Garden Early Fall | $145.00 |
| Garden Fall | $60.00 |
| 4 Cabbage | $40.00 |
| 2 Small Wreaths ($15) | $30.00 |
| $565.00 | |
| Starting Minimum Annually | $100.00 |
| December Got | $45.00 |
| January Got | $45.00 |
| February Got | $45.00 |
| Total | $235.00 |
| March Used | $105.00 |
| March Left | $130.00 |
| March Got | $45.00 |
| March Total | $175.00 |
| April Used | $85.00 |
| April Left | $90.00 |
| April Got | $45.00 |
| April Total | $135.00 |
| May Used | $55.00 |
| May Got | $45.00 |
| May Total | $125.00 |
| June Got | $45.00 |
| June Total | $170.00 |
| July Left | $170.00 |
| July Got | $45.00 |
| July Total | $215.00 |
| August Got | $45.00 |
| August Total | $260.00 |
| September Used | $190.00 |
| September Left | $70.00 |
| September Got | $45.00 |
| September Total | $115.00 |
| October Used | $100.00 |
| October Left | $15.00 |
| October Got | $45.00 |
| October Total | $60.00 |
| November Got | $45.00 |
| November Total | $105.00 |
| December Used | $30.00 |
| December Left | $75.00 |
| December Got | $45.00 |
| December Total | $120.00 |
| Minimum $100 | |
| Mom's Flowerpots | |
| White Tulips (6) | $12.00 |
| Daisies (4) | $8.00 |
| Asters | $10.00 |
| Mums (2) | $20.00 |
| $50.00 |
It's our reality. I just have to trust in God that we'll be okay. He always comes through. Even if we can't afford a second child, we really need that $43,260.00 take home. I have no idea what the actual salary would need to be to account for taxes, health costs, and adding Zach to dental insurance. My guess is about $48,000 a year. That's reachable. We should be able to do that and hopefully more. I'll let you know when I get more news. Edit 5/12/13 ctd: Some of this budget has already changed. Right now, it's what's below. I added Begonias back into my garden. I had taken them out but missed them so they are back but it was easy to add them in without influencing what is budgeted. Daisies spread more then I realized and those are 15" pots at my Mom's so this seems like it's what's best. Garden change goes to next year's garden.
| Mom's Garden | $30.00 |
| Early Spring | $25.00 |
| Garden Spring | $90.00 |
| Summer | $65.00 |
| Bulbs | $45.00 |
| Garden Early Fall | $140.00 |
| Garden Fall | $60.00 |
| 4 Cabbage | $40.00 |
| 2 Small Wreaths ($15) | $30.00 |
| $525.00 | |
| Starting Minimum Annually | $100.00 |
| January Got | $45.00 |
| February Got | $45.00 |
| Total | $190.00 |
| March Used | $55.00 |
| March Left | $135.00 |
| March Got | $45.00 |
| March Total | $180.00 |
| April Used | $90.00 |
| April Left | $90.00 |
| April Got | $45.00 |
| April Total | $135.00 |
| May Used | $65.00 |
| May Got | $45.00 |
| May Total | $115.00 |
| June Got | $45.00 |
| June Total | $160.00 |
| July Left | $160.00 |
| July Got | $45.00 |
| July Total | $205.00 |
| August Got | $45.00 |
| August Total | $250.00 |
| September Used | $185.00 |
| September Left | $65.00 |
| September Got | $45.00 |
| September Total | $110.00 |
| October Used | $100.00 |
| October Left | $10.00 |
| October Got | $45.00 |
| October Total | $55.00 |
| November Got | $45.00 |
| November Total | $100.00 |
| December Used | $30.00 |
| December Left | $70.00 |
| December Got | $45.00 |
| December Total | $115.00 |
| Minimum $100 | |
| Mom's Flowerpots | |
| Total annual cost: | $30.00 |
| Daisies | $10.00 |
| Mums | $20.00 |
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