Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Loving Your Child


Love in human form


A bundle of hugs


Could spend the whole day holding him/her


Best gift EVER!!!


My heart and soul


These are things that most parents feel. There are certain things most parents are certain about their child. Yes, other kids are awesome, but not as awesome as my child! We know we are right. Every loving parent thinks:


My child is the best


My child is a blessing


My child is the best thing to happen to me.


My child is special


My child is really intelligent!


My child is the best ever!


This is what it's like to love a child. This is what it's like to be an involved parent. In some cases, the child isn't even born yet and these are all unquestionable to the parents. We are all right.


Every child is all of these things. They all should be to their parents. They all deserve a sweet nickname. Zach's is My Angel. They all deserve to be hugged and kissed on their cheeks as often as they will allow. They all deserve snuggles and attention. They all deserve to hear "I love you" every day!


Because there isn't anything that compares to loving your child!


May 2011 almost 2 years old in this one.

Thursday, February 02, 2017

Identifying Middle Age

When I was a teenager I asked my Mom if my Dad ever had a middle age crisis. She told me this:


"I expected one. It never came. One day he told me he wanted to live a simpler life."


At the time, I didn't get it. His interests have always been basic. Good wine, double solitaire with my mom, reading, talking about life and science, and board games with the family. Isn't that already a simple life? He was never a materialistic person.


And then, two weeks ago, I got us a puzzle. A 1,000 piece Thomas Kinkade puzzle. When Josh works on Sundays Zach and I sometimes go to Target to walk around. Zach was looking at the legos when this puzzle caught my eye. "Evening At Autumn Lake".


I am always looking for projects for Zach and me to do together on Sundays. This seemed like a good one. Josh has helped too. Zach comes in and out of the room while I work on it. He likes to help. But, he's more interested in seeing how much I've done.


It's uncharacteristic of me. Usually, I'm like Zach. It's why piano lessons and flute lessons never worked. I simply can't sit still that long. Until, suddenly, I can.


While working on the puzzle it occurred to me, maybe this is my middle age crisis. I'm 36.5 years old. 36.5+36.5 = 73. I already have stress related health issues. I hope I live longer then 73. But, I'm sure unlikely to make it to 90!


I observed that when Zach started loosing teeth they were coming out in the same order they came in. The dentist confirmed I am correct. We are still mammals. Our bodies are designed to know what to do when.


A middle age crisis isn't about buying sports cars. It's a transition of identity and self confidence in middle age. The average middle age crisis hits between 40 and 42. 81.5 years is the average life expectancy. 81.5/2 = 40.75. It's not far off to say our bodies start the middle age crisis half way through our lives. When nature has programed them to.


But, what about early deaths? My theory only applies to those who die a natural death. We don't live forever. Most people die when old age has been breaking down the body over a period of time.


While piecing the puzzle together I do realize one thing. This is NOT my middle age crisis. My identity and self confidence remain the same. It's simply a nice activity I haven't done in a while. But, Josh is 37 and I am 36. A middle age crisis is coming in a few years.


Crisis isn't the right word for what happens in most people. Erik Erikson defines this as the transition from young adulthood to middle adulthood. Some people handle it better then others. But, that's what it is.


We all have that transition of identity and self confidence. Eric Erikson has a crisis for each stage of development. This one is "Generativity vs. Stagnation". Erikson starts this as ages 40 - 65. I personally think the more accurate age range is 35 - 55.


Basic Strengths: Production and Care
Now work is most crucial. Erikson observed that middle-age is when we tend to be occupied with creative and meaningful work and with issues surrounding our family. Also, middle adulthood is when we can expect to "be in charge," the role we've longer envied.

The significant task is to perpetuate culture and transmit values of the culture through the family (taming the kids) and working to establish a stable environment. Strength comes through care of others and production of something that contributes to the betterment of society, which Erikson calls generative, so when we're in this stage we often fear inactivity and meaninglessness.

As our children leave home, or our relationships or goals change, we may be faced with major life changes—the mid-life crisis—and struggle with finding new meanings and purposes. If we don't get through this stage successfully, we can become self-absorbed and stagnate.

Significant relationships are within the workplace, the community and the family.


http://www.psychologynoteshq.com/eriksonstagesofdevelopment7-8/


Like I said, I think we are more in that category. But, Erikson still considers Josh and me young adults. "Intimacy vs. Isolation".


In the initial stage of being an adult we seek one or more companions and love. As we try to find mutually satisfying relationships, primarily through marriage and friends, we generally also begin to start a family, though this age has been pushed back for many couples who today don't start their families until their late thirties. If negotiating this stage is successful, we can experience intimacy on a deep level.


If we're not successful, isolation and distance from others may occur. And when we don't find it easy to create satisfying relationships, our world can begin to shrink as, in defense, we can feel superior to others.

Our significant relationships are with marital partners and friends.


http://www.psychologynoteshq.com/eriksonstagesofdevelopment5-6/




Attempting to preserve your youth is futile and most people look like that's what they are trying to do. No, 40 is not the new 30. Some people WISH 40 was the new 30. But, 40 and 30 feel and look different. Physically, you are weaker. You can use all the wrinkle cream in the world, but you still look your age. Wrinkles aren't the only age identifier.


The good news is our new perspectives make us smarter. By middle adulthood, we have lived and experienced a lot. It's less about hope for the future. More about appreciating right now.


How do you know when you are transitioning from young adulthood to middle adulthood? Our identity and self confidence changes more profoundly then it ever has before. But, it's not a middle age crisis. It's simply an internal transition. That could be the key to how long you will live!




Blog Post with all of Erikson's Stages


http://homewithmommy-fran.blogspot.com/2011/07/grandparents.html

Friday, January 27, 2017

Writer's Block

 If it's not obvious, I've been struggling lately for a good blog post. I think most of what I have written recently isn't bad. But, I could have done better. I really wish I did a better job on the one about the women's marches ("Can You Hear My Voice This Time?"). But, these are the posts you get when I have writer's block.


Here are a list of ideas I've had but didn't write:


1. God's Phone Number (1-000-luvpeace for example. What would it be if God had a phone number?)


2. Mary Tyler Moore (I remember watching the Dick Van Dyke Show and the Mary Tyler Moore show on Nick at Night. I might be from a different generation, but she effected me too!)


3. Zach Wants A Fish (spoiler alert, no place to put it)


4. Josh's Annual Physical (it's why married men live longer. Yes, you can be sick even if you don't go to the doctor.)


5. On To Curtains! (New kitchen and living room curtains. The house makeover is clearly in response to the garden restrictions from last year.)


6. Facebook Quizzes (Same quiz, 4 times. 3 times it said I will write a novel this year. Different dates but same result. So what would I write a novel on? Why novel instead of author? It's irony in it's purest form at the moment.)


7. Bathroom Walls (What most people seem to have on bathroom walls. I'm curious because with the shower steam you have to be careful.)


8. Puzzle Strategy (We started a 1,000 piece puzzle this week. It would be on different strategies to piecing together puzzles.)




Raise your hand if you are glad I didn't write any of these blog posts! I'm curious if anyone actually did raise their hand. I doubt there are many that would have been interested in any of those topics though. I know I am a quirky person. I know I see the world differently. But, some things really only make sense in my head.


I have some posts that have clearly spoken to a lot of people. Or the same people a lot of times. I've been trying all month to write a post like that. It shows. But, this is writer's block!


I don't know how or when I will shake the writer's block. I'm trying to find inspiration! There is one topic I know I would write a great blog post on. But, it's a part of me I will be keeping private. So that leaves a long list of not so inspiring topics.


I don't want the next post to be about me. I've talked enough about parenting and politics enough lately too. The best writers are fearless for a reason. Inspiration happens outside your comfort zone. With my severe anxiety the comfort zone is hard to leave.


Something tells me when this writer's block breaks, the post is going to be awesome! In the meantime, know that I'm trying to write something better then good and I hope this brought a smile to  your face. Perhaps that list brought a laugh or two.

Monday, January 23, 2017

13 Years Of Activities

When Zach graduated preschool I mentioned that K - 12 are the most important years of our life. Before then is spent preparing for that time. Afterwards, we draw on what we learned and experienced during that time as we have new experiences and learn new things. This is the time preferences are discovered and habits are established.




This is the age when kids use after school activities to figure out what kind of person they are:




Gamers
Athletes
Artsy
Technical
 Fashionistas




There might be more. But, these are all I can think of right now. Exploring all of these categories helps find what activities you like best. Helps you find your talents. It's how some people decide to be engineers and others decide to be dancers. That one might be a little too personal. Remember, my degree is in dance but my family is full of engineers.




Zach's in year 3 of the 13. For Christmas he wanted a keyboard. He plays it all of the time. He's asked for lessons. I told him he needs to take a few lessons from my mom first. Just to see how serious he is. He had one quick unplanned lesson. He can't sit still long enough to practice an instrument. I couldn't! Why do you like I loved dance?




"I've decided I am a sporty kid. I want to play a lot of sports!"- Zach




He has asked me to sign him up for soccer in the fall. He's also very excited that baseball starts again soon. He's doing basketball now. He doesn't like it this year because they don't do teams yet. But, he is willing to do next year when there are teams.




The freedom of second grade. Starting next year he'll find he can do those three things. But, a lot of the kids will have done them before. So they will be a little better. It's why I wanted him to start now. So he won't be behind. At least with baseball he won't be behind!




In high school in our town you really can only do two sports. Some kids do three. But, there is overlap making that difficult. You have to really love the game to put that time and effort in. At some point in middle school most kids decide what they are willing to invest that time and effort into doing. Fewer activities, more time on what's left.




I think the same is true with the arts and clubs. School plays take a lot of dedication and time. A lot of rehearsing. There isn't that much time for that many other activities. But, you audition knowing what you are committing to.




That's how it is with non-school activities as well. Dance, gymnastics, swimming, martial arts and other types of classes take up more of your time as you get older too. For the same reasons. But, by then I think most kids WANT to be that dedicated to something.




It's a good thing. Let's say Zach plays baseball through college but has a career as a civil engineer. He can still play baseball as a hobby. It could still be something he always enjoys. Perhaps coaching his own child's team someday. Because it's important to him. Based on a decision he made in most likely the 6th or 7th grade.




I once said. "Don't bother 'looking for yourself'. You will never 'find yourself'. Because we change too often to fully understand who we are." This is the closest we will come to understanding who we are at our core. To understanding what kind of person we are. But, we still haven't 'found ourselves'. Because we don't even understand during that time that we are discovering the roots of what makes us who we are. We can't identify that until adulthood.




At this point in time I think that one remaining sport will be baseball for Zach. He likes, but will never be serious about, playing an instrument, art, and gaming. He has a technical mind. I can see him looking for more challenging technical knowledge. Math is a major strength too. If there is a STEM club he might join it. (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math). It's one of the reasons he likes baseball.




But, will that interest linger come middle school when you have to try out for the team? It depends on how much independent time he puts in now. He has a T for batting practice. We have gloves to help with catch. It comes down to, how much does he use them without our encouragement?




It's interesting seeing what his classmates enjoy. Each week in library class I see what books they are drawn too. I might be experiencing the start of that deep interest dedication. Casual interests are fun, but the motivation isn't there to work hard to get better at them. These deep interests are the ones that impact the rest of your life.


Friday, January 20, 2017

"Can You Hear My Voice This Time?"

I've been thinking a lot about the song "Fight Song". It's performed by Rachel Platten and written by Rachel Platten and David Bassett. It's not in my head because of the inauguration today. It's because of what's going to happen tomorrow. Across the country thousands of women will be marching.




Can you hear my voice this time?


If you haven't yet, you're about to. About to hear too many voices to ignore. Too many voices saying the same things.




"Don't take my healthcare!"


"My body, my business not yours"




And various anti sexual violence chants. Men will be there too. Because there are a lot of men who agree with all of those things.


What to say to the men against birth control? No birth control no sex. Because that's what "abstinence" means. Nope, can't touch me either.


These words are our fight song.


This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

We are finding our voice tomorrow. Kitchens across the country will be empty. It's going to be great for restaurants. But, the new lawmakers are about to see what happens when you push this many women too far!


Didn't hear our voices before? You will now!!! Because we matter. All minorities need to raise their voices now. Be heard. FIGHT! You matter. We all matter. Remember this metaphor:




I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion



Tomorrow is that metaphorical explosion:












BOOM!










https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo1VInw-SKc 








 
Fight Song
 


 

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

 

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

 

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

 

Losing friends and I'm chasing sleep
Everybody's worried about me
In too deep
Say I'm in too deep (in too deep)
And it's been two years I miss my home
But there's a fire burning in my bones
Still believe
Yeah, I still believe

 

And all…

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

 

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

A lot of fight left in me

 

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

 

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong (I'll be strong)
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

 

Know I've still got a lot of fight left in me

 

Songwriters: Dave Bassett / Rachel Platten

 

Fight Song lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

 


Monday, January 16, 2017

Making Sense of Social Privilege

White, male, Christian, privilege. Zach has it. There are road blocks he won't encounter because he is a white, male, Christian in America. The only real things that might hold him back is being raised in the lower middle class, possibly being gay (since we don't know about his sexual orientation yet) and when he's a senior citizen.



People of color have to deal with prejudice
Women have to deal with prejudice
Non-Christians have to deal with prejudice
GLBTQ people have to deal with prejudice (cisgender means strait by the way)
Poor and lower middle class people have to deal with prejudice
Senior citizens have to deal with prejudice




MAN we have a lot of social prejudice in this country. I just want to ask the haters why they hate these people. Here are a couple of examples. But, there are follow-ups based on the answers. Basically, explain yourself.


"What does their (color/gender/religion/sexual orientation/income status/age) have to do with their ability to do that?"


"It sounds like you want a maid/sex slave/nanny, not a wife. What did your Mom or sister ever do to you to make you think so little of women?"




It's up to parents to teach their kids how to treat other people. Starting in infancy really. That's why we can't shake these prejudices. It's what you were taught to think. Each individual person won't question their prejudices until dealing with them personally. Like when their gay child is getting married.


Zach and I were talking today about Martin Luther King Jr. So I told him about segregation. I used a friend of his as an example.


Me: "In MLK's time, black kids had to go to a different school and use different water fountains, for example. Can you image if your friend, ______ had to do that?"


Zach: "That doesn't make any sense"


Me: "I agree. _________, is just like you. You like the same things and are both great kids. There is no reason at all to separate you."


In other posts I've mentioned my theories on where these prejudices come from. But, it boils down to this. If you don't like hate, you don't hate. Bullies like hate. Picking on someone makes them feel better about their own insecurities. Until this point, we have yet to find a solution to end the prejudice too many face.


So I have an idea. A different approach. Show prejudice to those who are prejudice of others. Being on the receiving end of it from a lot of angles almost all the time isn't fun. A lot of lessons aren't learned until the person in question experiences it themselves. So, force them to experience it.


But, telling the greedy bully he's a greedy bully just makes him laugh at you. Calling him a government leech doesn't work either. Because, that's what makes them richer. What hurts is their ego.


"Your parents weren't around much when you were growing up, I can tell"


As for the middle class hater? His weakness will be revealed in the words he's using when showing prejudice. If he's joking about sexually assaulting a woman, there probably aren't many women willing to sleep with him.


"I take it that's the only way you can touch a woman, if you force yourself on her."


Yes, I am vindictive. That's why we are raising Zach to be respectful. To treat others as equals. To not be prejudice. Because that empathy he has in strong supply, will serve him well.


There is no making sense of social privilege. There isn't a way to make it stop completely.......at least not a legal way. But, experience and exposure can work miracles.


Most people have at least one social privilege but experience prejudice for other things. I think we all have a prejudice. But, our prejudice is never a positive thing. Love might trump hate, but to end hate we might need to return hate.

Friday, January 13, 2017

The GOP Attack Begins


1. Make minimum wage $1
2. Defund anything to do with women's reproductive health
3. Less money to seniors through reduced social security
4. Dismantle Medicare and Medicaid so seniors and the poor die of curable diseases
5. Ban abortions and birth control but not raise funds for group homes and foster families.
6. With liberty and unsafe water for all!
7. Christianity only!
8. Get rid of the immigrants. Because even though I won't clean toilets for $1 an hour they are stealing my job.
9. I don't like seeing gay people so I want them all back in the closet and married to someone of the opposite gender.
10. Stop people from being a different gender then how they were born.
11. Starve the poor
12. Eliminate unemployment pay since, you know, jobs magically appear if you loose one.
13. We can rule the country forever if we can prevent democrats from voting!
14. I love oil and gas!




This is how the GOP thinks. These are the things they really want to do. There are a lot of poor people that rely on social security, food stamps, and Medicaid to help make ends meet. They won't be able to do that in the next couple of years. But, their anti-gay stance was more important to them then being able to afford food or electricity or gas for the car.


Republicans only care about making their rich donors richer. But, then how do you get the votes to do it? How do you get the people you are about to screw over to vote for you? Give them people to hate. They hate anyone who does or is something they don't understand.


I finally figured out why they are so anti-birth control. That always confused me. Birth control stops pregnancies. So that means it lowers abortion rates. If you're anti-abortion, wouldn't you support something that decreases abortions?


But, it's about masculinity. Being able to get a woman pregnant makes some men feel like more of a man. It's emasculating when pregnancy won't be an option. Can't have women being in charge of their own bodies can we.


Why are they attacking the poor from all angles? Because to help the poor their rich buddies need to pay their fair share. Greed pure and simple. Now they have the power to undo almost any law the poor can rely on to fight back. It helps that poor people can't afford a lawyer.


They are bullies. Picking on the weaker for laughs. They will never take petitions seriously. They don't care. And their non-rich voters are enablers. Democrats want to help those who need it and accept those who are different. Those are basics. Why don't more people want those things? Everyone should want those things.


Dear Republicans..............you lost too. You just don't know it yet. But, this time, you can't blame Democrats for all of your problems. It's time to see your party for with it really is. Is that who you really are?



Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Verizon's Secret

Verizon has been hacked. At least their website. They won't announce it publically for 4 - 8 months. But, it's happened. So, how do I know this?


1. In December I couldn't get to my email. In fact, in a facebook group I am in there were a bunch of people with the same problem. Signing in was an issue. I'd put in my username. On the password page I entered my password. Then it looped around to the username page again.


2. At the end of December data was used on Josh's phone. Problem, Josh locked the data on his cell. One time for the data use he was eating dinner. Another he was sitting next to me as it charged. The third time we were sleeping.


3. Someone ordered 3 iPhone 7s on my mom's account and deactivated our cell phone numbers. When my mom called to reactivate, the customer service guy didn't seem surprised and knew what to do.


I caught all of these right away. We don't have a landline. My cell phone is the home phone. When it didn't work just a couple of hours after it had been working, I knew something was wrong.


I check the wireless account daily. This was less then a 24 hour period for the data usage. All of it so small it would have been missed by a frequent data user. But, we never use data. So when there wasn't 100% data left right after the bill was paid, a red flag went up.


As for the email. I check email several times a day. This happened multiple times over two days. Each time it was fixed. But, started again. Verizon has since fixed that problem.


As isolated incidences, this could just be basic system issues. But, combined, it's clearly the work of at least one hacker. These are all things that can be done behind a computer screen. We are also not the only ones effected.


But, why hack Verizon? Some people save banking or credit card info on the website. That's what the hackers are looking for in some cases. In the case of the purchased cell phones, they were probably trying to figure out how long they could get away with the free iPhones. They work like prepaid phones but this way they don't have to pay for them.


We're hard to hack. The data hack could have been looking for a banking app. You know how some banks have that "picture of check to deposit" feature? If you have that on your phone, your bank information can be accessed by a good hacker. Josh doesn't have that app so they found nothing from him. We also pay through a check sent. Bill pay through our bank.


All have been reported to the fraud department. I suspect Verizon is trying to figure out how much damage was done. They are also likely solving the problem and searching for how it happened. Basically, what all companies like to do.

It's going to be a PR nightmare. So they won't announce it until after it's been resolved. Trying to avoid customer panic. Look like you have it all under control. It's a trust thing.


But, I wanted to bring awareness to these issues. Because Verizon is a large company and customers need to know what's happening. So we can all monitor the accounts more closely and change some things to avoid being victimized by the hackers.


Like all big companies when they are hacked...........................Verizon has a secret.

Sunday, January 08, 2017

Twisted Self Motivation

Lost in the sea of Labor Day to New Year's craziness and the painting project is Josh's blanket. It's more then halfway done. But, I still have 10 squares to make. Back in July, I was making a square a day. Then we went on the vacation that started the painting project.






For five months I have been slowly working on it. One square a day became two rows. I would look at the project on the couch, an not be up to working on it. I would try it anyway. But, it wasn't worth it. I needed to be motivated. But, how?


I turns out, to be motivated to work on one project I needed to be working on three. The ripple blanket I had been working on for myself was put aside. I had planned to work on it when Josh's blanket was done. But, with yesterday's snow I found myself looking at the couch again.







I missed knitting. I needed some variety to the crochet stitches too. So I did a little bit of all three projects. One long row on my ripple blanket, One row in knitting the mouse pad for my dad, and a bunch of rows of Josh's blanket. It's been a long time since I did that much.


Today I looked forward to going back to these projects. A little bit of a few things. Seven rows later, the square I started in December was complete. Including being sewn on to the blanket. My goal is St. Patrick's Day.


What do you do to motivate yourself? In school, kids are motivated by a reward. A favorite of Zach's is a "no homework" pass. I really can't go the "special food" route either. What about shopping? I love to shop! True, but only for things we need. I couldn't think of anything I wanted that would have been budget friendly.


I always say, "work around your habits". After all, you are more likely to be motivated to hit the gym if you literally drive by it on the way home from work. I used to work for at least on hour a day four days a week on my crochet and knitting projects. I even have old posts with updates on the status of all of them. Back when I was making the hats and cowls for my hats and wraps project. How was I motivated then?


By having different projects going at once. The variety meant I could do something different. I was looking at different yarn. Different colors. Doing different stitches. I got more done in two days since adding those two projects then I did in the month of December!!!


Sometimes we have to get creative about motivation. Example, diabetics can't reward themselves with chocolates. A cute new top is great motivation. If the accomplishment is a big one. I work better with small rewards for small accomplishments. I treat each square like it's a separate project. Like I said in a previous post, it's about doing the project, not completing it.


Why the road block? Because when they are done I don't know what project will be next. I still don't. But, I have learned something about myself. Stick with small things. Hats are a good idea. The block isn't about working on the current project. It's about what the next project will be.


It turns out, for me, that's not just a crochet and knitting road block. Motivation and inspiration come from unusual places sometimes. I have also learned to pace myself. I burned out from all those hours in a short period of time. I needed to spend less time on it to get more done.

Monday, January 02, 2017

Dear Woman At BK,

Dear Woman at BK,
You were standing next to me when I asked the Asst. Manager if mayo has dairy in it. I thought you were being helpful when you said "no".


So I explained to you what was happening. I didn't have to, but I did. My throat has been closing up a lot lately. So I am trying to go Dairy free. Seeing if it's a dairy allergy. I also said "I'm still figuring out what has dairy in it."


You told me to get to a doctor quickly and not to mess with that. There is so much I didn't tell you. You didn't ask for more information first. You just decided you knew me better then me. I don't even know what your job is. It's unlikely you are an expert in allergies though.


You forget it's an observed holiday. The allergist I called isn't open today and hasn't been all weekend. I had planned to see an allergist for days. But, it's not an option today. I also might need a referral. It's not as easy as show up and they take you any time.


You just assumed I never planned to see a doctor about this. You know nothing about me. Why was that your assumption?


You see, I also have some complicating factors. I have a shellfish allergy and a fear of medications. So finding out what I actually am allergic to is important.


I have a severe anxiety disorder and OCD. I had developed depression in November and am still fighting it. The throat thing might be in my mind. Or the one finger of sour cream closing my throat could be proof of something else.


You don't know I take a claritin every morning. You probably thought I am exaggerating. After all, if my throat closed up why didn't I go to the ER? Because my albuteral worked mostly every time. Combined with the Claritin, no ambulance has been required.


Is it possible you have a food allergy too and don't like when people who don't have one think they do? I get that with the GAD and OCD a lot. But, it sounded more like you just like telling people what to do.


So now I am telling you what to do. Stop telling people what to do. It's something bullies do to cover up their own insecurities. You were with a man yet neither of you saved a table and you insisted on carrying the tray. Control issues. You should really see a doctor about that.


Sincerly,


Mom in BK trying to figure out her body's issues.




note: I know nothing about this woman. Part of me knows she was just trying to be helpful. Was that concern in her voice? Or authority? She has no authority over me.


I wasn't gasping for breath. I mentioned the allergy when ordering and asked that they change their gloves before making my order. No cross contamination that way. I don't use mayo in many things so I haven't needed to check it yet.


It's a rough allergy to have. I hope I am wrong. Hence my plan to go to the allergy doctor. I know some people like soy but I haven't liked anything with soy in it yet! I truly hope this is all in my head! But, my throat spent most of December closed. I assumed it was stress. If it's not an allergy, I have to see a different doctor.


Her comment was uninformed,  useless, unhelpful, bossy, and unnecessary. A professional would have asked a few questions first. I guess she wouldn't believe me unless I was clutching my throat gasping for air in front of my 7 year old saying "call 911". Her opinion doesn't matter. Because she isn't an expert and she didn't have all the facts.