I still remember what labor felt like and Zach is almost six. I'm not talking about the pain of labor. I physically felt him coming out. He pushed himself out. I remember the feeling against my uterus as he did that with his feet! I remember the feeling of his head popping out and the slide of every inch after. It's not easy to describe what it felt like. But if I close my eyes I can still vividly feel his birth. Not the pain. HIM! The once in a lifetime experience of give birth to this specific child!
I had been loosing patience in the last two months of my pregnancy. The ultrasounds are a nice way to sort of see your baby. But they don't show eye color and hair color. They don't show dimples. All I wanted in those last two months were to see what he looked like. I had so much heartburn I kept saying "this kid better have hair!" Sure enough, he had a very full head of hair. People always complement him on the blue eyes that look like mine and that precious dimple he got from Josh. I look at him now and remember the torture of not knowing what he looked like.
The hospital played the music to 'Rock A By Baby' whenever a baby was delivered. But I didn't hear it when Zach was born. I was told later that they did play it though. Instead, I heard my Dad trying to enter the delivery room while the doctor was still removing the umbilical cord. I had to stop pushing to tell him to stay put! Hearing my Dad's voice from the hall made me happy though. He was very excited to become a Grandfather! That sound reminded me how lucky Zach is to have four fabulous grandparents who love him very much! He's lucky they are all a part of his life.
I don't remember how my post-delivery dinner tasted. I was too busy talking to family as loved ones held Zach for the first time. My sense of taste had the day off. My other senses have never been that powerful. But I'll never forget the taste of Breaded Chicken. I posted the recipe a couple of years ago. Throughout my whole pregnancy it was my biggest craving. Once I even defrosted chicken in the microwave to make it for lunch because the craving was that strong! It has always been his favorite. He can help bread the chicken now too!
He smelt like love. You don't know what that means until you become a loving parent. It's the first time love actually has a smell. It's what inspired my impulse to say "kisses from Mommy, because Mommy will always love you!" I wanted him to be able to show his love before he could say the words. When he was three months old, he started giving me kisses. I will never forget what those felt like. I still say that at bedtime every night. He says it with me with a big dimply smile!
I'm glad I paid attention to these things at the time. I'm glad I let my senses take in the entire experience. I'm glad that all I have to do is close my eyes to relive what it felt like as Zach came out.
That's the irony really. I didn't feel the start of labor. The ultrasound technician told me those squiggly lines going up and down were contractions.
It's the main reason I wanted to be a mother. I remember telling him that thing he's looking at is called a tree. Now he can read the word "tree" and wants to know what kind it is. We use senses to learn and remember. For some of us, one sense is strongest for learning and remembering. For me, that's my sense of touch. How things feel connect to my emotions. I am more likely to remember things based of the emotions that experience made me feel. It's what life is like with OCD, General Anxiety Disorder, and PMDD.
Now I will go kiss my angel on the cheek. And feel a sense of love so strong my chest actually hurts!
I have discovered something about myself recently: I'm a very literal person!
|20 weeks 2 days pregnant|