Tuesday, November 09, 2010

No, I'm Not Pregnant (edited 6/18/13)

Disclaimer: That picture was from about 5 days before Zach was born!

This is a popular post and I suspect it's less to do with my eating disorder history and more to do with that it sounds like I think I looked healthy in that picture. I was health but only for a pregnant person. I just posted it for a comparison.

With the obesity epidemic people have lost track of what healthy looks like. I'm 5' 3", 124lbs, medium shirts, size 10 pants. According to http://www.webmd.com/diet/calc-bmi-plus that is within the healthy range for my height and age (30). Actually, the range is something like 105 - 140. My goal is 115. I eat healthy lean foods and exercise often and am very frustrated about that 9 stubborn pounds. Of course Zach weighs 26 pounds and is still lifted and carried a lot so I'm thinking those are muscles. I still, however, get people coming up to me and asking me if I'm pregnant. PLEASE!!!! When I actually WAS pregnant and much bigger then this people weren't asking me if I'm pregnant. Part of that is a reflex since you see a toddler and assume there is another one coming. I do have a pouch, when I was 5' 1" and 80lbs in High School I had a pouch. I would measure my waist but it's unclear where that officially is defined as. If you go with 2" above the belly button, it's 30 with a healthy range for me being 24 - 30. That appears to be the right location on this site. I assume you are getting the picture. I'm healthy. Everything medical wise says I'm healthy but because I have a pouch 35" around the belly button people mistake it for a baby. Actually, it's the result of Loestrin, the birth control pill. When I'm at my thinnest (around "ovulation" week) the jeans fall off my waist even with a belt making me an 8. But they are slightly tight during my period and PMS week. Bloating happens.

I have never felt more beautiful since Zach was born or sexy. Frankly, I never really wore a bikini until after his birth. At 21 days old he rolled over for the first time and I fit into my pre-pregnancy clothing. Between models that even if they are standing in front of you look airbrushed and the obesity epidemic we as a society forget what healthy looks like. It's ironic that when I was unhealthy thin I didn't have the confidence to feel this beautiful like I do now. I haven't really worn makeup and I don't do more then brush my hair each day and it's basically always been like that. I had Josh take a picture of me tonight just like he did when I was pregnant. Zach was born at 38 weeks and 2 days. See a difference?
37 weeks 5 days pregnant

11/9/10 (it's PMS week though so a little bloated)

15 weeks 3 days pregnant (4th month)

Pretty brave for someone who had a nine year long eating disorder. When I was twelve I started to eat more junk food. My mom said I should ease up on it. Instead of buying junk I decided to spend my money on things to make me pretty like hair stuff and makeup stuff. That was the year I didn't really do any after school actives so I went back to active things. In the 7th grade (14) I went back to taking dance classes. I started dancing a whole lot and really loved it. By 9th grade I reached 80 pounds. As a junior in high school, at about 85-90 pounds the doctor made me drink a boost for breakfast in the nurses office each day and they were careful to weigh me. I had an abnormal eating disorder meaning I ate and didn't throw up but I wasn't taking in enough calories to compensate for what I burned off. This went on. I remember between 9th and 10th grade I went to Stagedoor Manor theater/dance camp for dance (2 classes a day plus play practice) and skipped dinner one night. The director called me to the office angry and would have punished me if I didn't know what was being served for dinner (I knew what it was. My roommate had told me). This went on and got to the point in college where I regularly got dizzy at the end of long dance classes. My junior year in college (1st semester of the college I graduated from) I fainted a few times in the nurses office. Once, I fainted in the emergency room at the hospital. An oreo helped me feel better. That was when I suspected that I had hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) That March it was confirmed and it's a result of the eating disorder that will be with me always. But the fainting happened the November before (2001). The Dean of Students sent me home with 10 class days left. The fainting at the nurse were all on Fridays where I planned to do the long drive home. They made me call my mom for her to take me home. That third time was the kicker she said I couldn't come back until I had a note from a specialist saying I am under care. That's when I found Psychiatrist Dr. R. My goal was to be under 100 on my wedding day. I was at 98lbs. but after the wedding I reached the normal weight. Josh says I have never been more beautiful.

I always tell my doctors about the eating disorder and it was something carefully kept an eye on during pregnancy. My weight gain was always exactly right and in the end I only gained 20 pounds. I was 118 when I got pregnant. It's good to be healthy but no, I'm not pregnant.

Notes: I have since edited the part about what healthy looks like after an extensive diet. Here is the link to that post.

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