"I expected one. It never came. One day he told me he wanted to live a simpler life."
At the time, I didn't get it. His interests have always been basic. Good wine, double solitaire with my mom, reading, talking about life and science, and board games with the family. Isn't that already a simple life? He was never a materialistic person.
And then, two weeks ago, I got us a puzzle. A 1,000 piece Thomas Kinkade puzzle. When Josh works on Sundays Zach and I sometimes go to Target to walk around. Zach was looking at the legos when this puzzle caught my eye. "Evening At Autumn Lake".
I am always looking for projects for Zach and me to do together on Sundays. This seemed like a good one. Josh has helped too. Zach comes in and out of the room while I work on it. He likes to help. But, he's more interested in seeing how much I've done.
It's uncharacteristic of me. Usually, I'm like Zach. It's why piano lessons and flute lessons never worked. I simply can't sit still that long. Until, suddenly, I can.
While working on the puzzle it occurred to me, maybe this is my middle age crisis. I'm 36.5 years old. 36.5+36.5 = 73. I already have stress related health issues. I hope I live longer then 73. But, I'm sure unlikely to make it to 90!
I observed that when Zach started loosing teeth they were coming out in the same order they came in. The dentist confirmed I am correct. We are still mammals. Our bodies are designed to know what to do when.
A middle age crisis isn't about buying sports cars. It's a transition of identity and self confidence in middle age. The average middle age crisis hits between 40 and 42. 81.5 years is the average life expectancy. 81.5/2 = 40.75. It's not far off to say our bodies start the middle age crisis half way through our lives. When nature has programed them to.
But, what about early deaths? My theory only applies to those who die a natural death. We don't live forever. Most people die when old age has been breaking down the body over a period of time.
While piecing the puzzle together I do realize one thing. This is NOT my middle age crisis. My identity and self confidence remain the same. It's simply a nice activity I haven't done in a while. But, Josh is 37 and I am 36. A middle age crisis is coming in a few years.
Crisis isn't the right word for what happens in most people. Erik Erikson defines this as the transition from young adulthood to middle adulthood. Some people handle it better then others. But, that's what it is.
We all have that transition of identity and self confidence. Eric Erikson has a crisis for each stage of development. This one is "Generativity vs. Stagnation". Erikson starts this as ages 40 - 65. I personally think the more accurate age range is 35 - 55.
Basic Strengths: Production and Care
Now work is most crucial. Erikson observed that middle-age is when we tend to be occupied with creative and meaningful work and with issues surrounding our family. Also, middle adulthood is when we can expect to "be in charge," the role we've longer envied.
The significant task is to perpetuate culture and transmit values of the culture through the family (taming the kids) and working to establish a stable environment. Strength comes through care of others and production of something that contributes to the betterment of society, which Erikson calls generative, so when we're in this stage we often fear inactivity and meaninglessness.
As our children leave home, or our relationships or goals change, we may be faced with major life changes—the mid-life crisis—and struggle with finding new meanings and purposes. If we don't get through this stage successfully, we can become self-absorbed and stagnate.
Significant relationships are within the workplace, the community and the family.
http://www.psychologynoteshq.com/eriksonstagesofdevelopment7-8/
Like I said, I think we are more in that category. But, Erikson still considers Josh and me young adults. "Intimacy vs. Isolation".
In the initial stage of being an adult we seek one or more companions and love. As we try to find mutually satisfying relationships, primarily through marriage and friends, we generally also begin to start a family, though this age has been pushed back for many couples who today don't start their families until their late thirties. If negotiating this stage is successful, we can experience intimacy on a deep level.
If we're not successful, isolation and distance from others may occur. And when we don't find it easy to create satisfying relationships, our world can begin to shrink as, in defense, we can feel superior to others.
Our significant relationships are with marital partners and friends.
http://www.psychologynoteshq.com/eriksonstagesofdevelopment5-6/
Attempting to preserve your youth is futile and most people look like that's what they are trying to do. No, 40 is not the new 30. Some people WISH 40 was the new 30. But, 40 and 30 feel and look different. Physically, you are weaker. You can use all the wrinkle cream in the world, but you still look your age. Wrinkles aren't the only age identifier.
The good news is our new perspectives make us smarter. By middle adulthood, we have lived and experienced a lot. It's less about hope for the future. More about appreciating right now.
How do you know when you are transitioning from young adulthood to middle adulthood? Our identity and self confidence changes more profoundly then it ever has before. But, it's not a middle age crisis. It's simply an internal transition. That could be the key to how long you will live!
Blog Post with all of Erikson's Stages
http://homewithmommy-fran.blogspot.com/2011/07/grandparents.html
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