Body Image 8 Years Later

I am sometimes surprised about which posts are popular at any given time. The one that has been the most popular lately is called "Body Image and Me". I wrote it on June 25, 2012. That's right, 8 years ago. I was 31. Zach was 3. 

https://homewithmommy-fran.blogspot.com/2012/06/body-image-and-me.html

It was about improving self esteem and eating disorders. What do you like about yourself? Physically? Personally? I had found a lifescript article with a test asking those things. It was connected to an eating disorder quiz. The intention was to build self-esteem by listing 10 things I am proud of myself for and 10 things I like about my appearance. I had 9 things I was proud of an 7 appearance things. 

Good at and Proud of myself

 

1. Good Cook

2. Good at caring for those I love

3. Good at Decorating

4. Proud of my self for my cloths collection and getting it just right

5. Proud of my Parenting

6. Good at managing the home

7. Good at managing the finances

8. Proud of my Decorations

9. Good at Gardening

Like About My Appearance

 

1. My eyes are pretty (big blue eyes I get lots of compliments)

2. I have nice legs

3. I like my thin fingers, it's the only thing on my that's still small (a 3 1/2 ring finger) I loved that about the eating disorder, shoking people with my small size

4. My thin arms

5. My thin neck

6. My size 6 feet that didn't even grow during pregnancy (it's actually one of the ways I try to talk my self out of that second child we can't afford, what if my feet grow?)

7. I like my thick hair

I had a 9 year long eating disorder. That doesn't happen with people whole think highly of their appearance. I am actually surprised I had that many things. Both lists I would keep the same. I would add "Proud I can knit and crochet" and "Proud of my hats and wraps collection" to the proud of list. But, I will always not think much of my appearance. 

In September, I turn 40. Zach is 11 now and tells me I am beautiful every day. Josh does too. For me, that's what matters. It's the best feeling in the world when my son says "I love you my beautiful mother". I don't need to know what about me he thinks is beautiful. It just means the world to me that he thinks I am. Josh has never been shy and thinking I am beautiful. He thinks I am more beautiful the older I get. July 18th is the 22nd anniversary of our first date. All he has wanted me from the beginning is for me to be my genuine self. 

For the last two months that blog post has been very popular. Am I being made fun of for it? Possibly. It's a brave thing for someone with a long eating disorder history to do a blog post on in the first place. When a woman tries to find something positive in herself, there will always be another woman trying to take that from her. 

Are people reading it because they too need a reminder about why they are great? I hope so. Because then this post is helping some people. With the kids around 24/7 it is hard to take care of yourself. Maybe this post is a starting point for their own lists. Reminders of the little things they should be proud of. 

Most likely, It's the eating disorder quiz (below). A lot of people have eating disorders or know someone with one. It's a helpful tool. That's why I included it in the original post. My answers are in red. Spoiler, I suffer from a bad body image. I have done a different post on my eating disorder. It's one of my most popular posts. I don't even know if you can still do the quiz and get results. 

http://www.lifescript.com/quizzes/food_and_diet/do_you_have_an_eating_disorder.aspx

 

That link is for the eating disorder quiz. You do have to give personal contact info for the results though.

 

 

 How do you usually feel when you eat?

Out of control. I can't stop putting food in my mouth!

Guilty. What I'm eating will make me fat

.Happy. I know I'm fueling my body with the energy it needs.

Hungry. Even though there's a lot of food on my plate, I won't let myself finish it.

 

 How often do you think about food?

Whenever I get hungry, which is usually a few hours after my last meal.

All the time. My stomach's growling!

Constantly. I'm always on the lookout for opportunities to sneak away and eat.

Pretty much all day, but I try to control my eating habits nonetheless.

 

. Do you enjoy eating with your co-workers, friends or family?

No. It's hard to pretend that I'm eating when I'm not.

No. I'm too embarrassed to eat as much as I want when other people are looking on.

Absolutely. It's fun to share jokes and stories while enjoying a good meal.

It's alright. I feel self-conscious about how I eat, but I manage to make it through most meals anyway.

 

 You leave your house around 10 a.m. to run some errands. If you know you'll get back home around 2 p.m., what food do you bring?

Fat-free crackers and granola bars, which I eat for lunch.

I don't bring any food with me. Running errands gives me the perfect excuse to stop by my favorite fast-food restaurant, and I'll eat some donuts from the bakery as well.

Nothing. I ate lunch yesterday, so I won't eat it today.

I eat a healthy breakfast before I go and plan on eating lunch when I get back. But just in case I get hungry, I throw a protein bar in my purse.

 

How do you feel when you see a thin woman working out at the gym?

I'm happy that I'm skinnier than she is.

Jealous. I wish I could have her body!

Disgusted with myself. Maybe if I wasn't such a pig, then I would look like her too.

I admire her physique. She looks healthy and fit.

 

What best describes the amount of calories you consume?

If no one's around, I sometimes consume thousands of calories at one time, usually in the form of ice cream bars and chips. But it's no big deal because I can just throw it back up and it won't count.

I usually eat around 1,000 calories a day.

It depends on how hungry I am, but I usually eat three square meals and one or two small snacks.

It fluctuates. Sometimes I'll eat a balanced meal, but I often skip meals if I'm feeling fat and eat a lot more if I feel I deserve a treat.

 

 Do you ever eat by yourself after returning from a social dinner?

No, I'm comfortably full when I come home.

Yes. I eat all the foods I was too embarrassed to eat in public: cheesecake, cookies and pasta.

I pick at some leftovers in the fridge but don't really feel satisfied.

Nope, the green salad I ate will hold me over.

 

. How do your pants fit?

They fit OK, but I'll never look as good in my jeans as Molly Sims does in hers.

Perfectly. I love how they flatter my butt.

I can barely squeeze into them, and buttoning them is so uncomfortable.

They're so loose that they won't stay up.

 

What are your energy levels like?

I never seem to have enough energy and get tired quickly.

My energy levels fall when I get depressed about the way I look.

I feel pretty good.

I frequently experience energy highs followed by fatigue.

 

 How often do you eat treats or junk food like cake or chips?

I'll have a special treat once or twice a week.

I try to eat healthfully in social settings, but I cave in on the weekends when I'm by myself.

I indulge myself in a junk food fest a few times a week and then make up for it by taking a laxative so I don't have to feel guilty about it.

Rarely. If I do eat a fattening food, I don't eat for the rest of the day.

The ones in purple apply to me:
Symptoms of a Bad Body Image
Although most people don't technically fall into a clear eating disorder category, many have an unhealthy view of their body and a negative relationship with food. Classic signs of suffering from a bad body image include:

• Constantly comparing yourself to thin models and celebrities
• Feeling ashamed of your body
• Having little rituals when it comes to food, like eating in secret or making a whole meal out of crackers
• Believing your life would improve if you could lose weight
• Attributing your failures to excess weight

(858) 481-1515
National Eating Disorder Referral and Information Center

(800) 931-2237
National Eating Disorders Association

(800) 994-9662
National Women's Health Information Center