Mommy Realization

I haven't been a good Mommy lately. I think it started about two weeks ago or so when Zach started to refuse to call me "Mommy" and was only willing to call me "Mama" or "Mom". Neither are negative and he is correct, I am all three, but I waited so long to be called "Mommy" I just didn't want to be robbed of it so soon (age 6, I'd understand but not now). Because of that, I haven't had a lot of patience for him and found myself yelling at him a lot (never harmed him just yelled). It's mostly over little things like if I asked him to dress himself several times calmly first and he isn't doing it. Another time is if he gives me a hard time eating lunch (the only meal he gets when tired). But as I've said earlier, it's rarely about the original topic.

Last night Josh took Zach for Daddy time after dinner (got a picture taken with Kareem McKenzie of the New York Giants at Stop and Shop). It had been a rough afternoon and I needed time to breathe. Why can't I do anything without Zach interupting? He used to be able to play quietly for a while giving me time to think, why now is he either doing things he's not allowed to do when I'm not looking or in my way? My first thought is maybe he needs more attention. When he was giving me a hassle with lunch yesterday (after school) the first thing I did was offer to let him sit on my lap to eat (we do breakfast, lunch, and snacks in the living room). He wasn't interested then continued to fight over every bite. I even made him a seperate plate to get him to eat SOMETHING (I never do that since it encourages picky eaters). He ate some but not much. It took 2 hours for him to eat enough where I figured he was full (while still leaving a lot of food behind). I spent the last hour yelling at him. I miss the days of how easy it is to toast a pop tart for breakfast. But Gabrielle makes me make an omlet every day. I feel like I spend most of the day either cooking or doing dishes in the kitchen. I just snapped, all that work and his refusal to eat was being unappreciative. I felt like it was a wasted effort. Maybe I need to establish a pop tart day so I get a break from all the extra effort. Every time I eat it's a project to make the food except the snack of nuts once a day.

What Made Me Snap:
1. Zach not listening when I ask him to do something until I yelled at him
2. Zach standing directly in my way while I cooked most of the day (Daddy does that too get away from the counter people!!!)
3. Zach refusing to eat a lot of things I put effort in to make for him and a lot of little effort adds up
4. Zach not letting me do my own thing because of the constant need to tell him to stop the bad behavior he was doing
5. Zach not even accepting when I tried to show comfort and affection
6. Zach interupting every converstation

This doesn't lead to happy sunshiny moments, so I yelled. But during the Daddy time I realized why I haven't been nice to him lately (essentially making me a bad Mommy). I miss him being a baby. I don't want a different baby I want my old baby back! I did play with and cuddle that baby and with the stroller I had some control. Control I've had to let go now that he's not in the stroller. Control I will slowly be letting more go of as he gets older. He was the ideal baby, only crying when he actually needed something and generally easy. Now he's such a big kid, a boy. And that behavior was far from that baby I couldn't get enough of.

I was angry at him for growing and not being a baby anymore and sad that I'll never get that back. But I do enjoy watching him grow and learn new things. Today was as close to perfect as possible. I didn't yell AT ALL! He was a great kid and when he fussed he accepted my hug and comfort. He ate lunch at his own pace and I never said a word. I didn't need to repeat myself more then once when asking him to do something. Somehow, it didn't bother me when he was in my way today and I spent a lot of time chillin' out with him. Suddenly, I remembered everything I love about him and fell deeper in love with him all over again. We both had a ton of smiles and we both learned something, I learned to appreciate him and not let any more of his life pass me by and Zach learned that sometimes playing in your room for a while makes a difference between Mommy being able to stay as sane as she can and Mommy screaming A LOT. He apologizes when he makes me mad and I do explain WHY I am mad (and apologize for yelling) but still, he didn't deserve yesterday Mommy, he deserves today Mommy.

I'M BACK TO BEING GOOD MOMMY AGAIN!!!

Bedtime Snack as you can see he's great at eating that too. He'll have a couple of crackers and water on his shoe storage/nightstand next to his bed at night in case he wakes up hungry and thirsty

Zach and Kareem McKenzie of the NY Giants (Football) 2011 Champions!!!! Super Bowl 46!!! His job is to protect Eli Manning from injury (and Eli takes forever to throw the ball too so that's a hard job!)

http://www.giants.com/team/roster/Kareem-McKenzie/6d8adea7-7402-4f65-8f3f-a0540a2b31f4