Our Wedding Anniversary

Sunday was our seven year wedding anniversary (we've been together for 13 years). Both of us have noticed something: people ask us for marriage advice since we've been married so long we must have a secret. Our parents have been married for very long. Mine for 41 years and my in-laws for like 46 years. We both feel that our relationship is stable and that we do take steps to keep it that way but neither of us feel like we have some sort of "successful marriage" secret. I guess since a lot of marriages don't make it past five years it's easy to say seven is an accomplishment. I think with marriages that end after seven years there usually were problems for many years and sometime after seven you just have enough of ignoring those problems.

Here is what I can offer in terms of advice:

1. BOTH PEOPLE HAVE TO GIVE AND TAKE!!! If something is important to the other person but not that important to you, let them have their way but they need to return the favor.

2. COMPROMISE!!! The best way to resolve differences is to compromise so that both people feel satisfied with the end results.

3. COMMUNICATE!!! No one is a mind reader. The other person can't know what you want or need if you aren't telling them clearly. Sometimes one person THINKS they are communicating their wants or needs but are trying to be subtle then they get mad when their partner doesn't understand. Unless the communication is clear, it probably won't be understood. Communication also needs to be complete, you can't make assumptions about something, ask about anything you might be thinking that you haven't talked about yet.

4. PERSONAL TIME!!! It's important to have your own interests and spend time apart. If you never miss each other, you'll get sick of each other. By having your own interests it keeps you as an individual and that means your more likely to be satisfied in your relationship. Too many people feel like there must be something wrong if you like spending time apart but the truth is, that individual time and individual interests are great to talk about with each other and a great way to still feel like you are your own person.

5. LET HIM/HER CHANGE!!! A common comment "you're not the (man/woman) I married" of COURSE not! People change through time. A common mistake when you get married is envisioning that your spouse will always be that person you love right now. They will change. Their thoughts and interests will change as will yours. Let your partner have those changes and let yourself have those changes. As you both change, you will need to use the other tools like communication and compromise to understand your partner's new interests and thoughts but by communicating and compromising you can remain happy with your partner because you'll still UNDERSTAND them.

6. MEET EACH OTHER'S NEEDS!!! When you make sure their needs get met, you are taking care of them and if your partner feels you are meeting their needs, they won't look elsewhere for those needs to get meet.

7. FLIRT: OFTEN!!! Especially if you have differing sex drives flirting is a way to let your partner know you still desire them. If they feel desired by you, they won't look for someone else who desires them. There are things other then sex that you can do to keep that spark alive (a favorite of mine is if Zach has hot food I'll look at Josh and say "Mommy blow" and blow on Zach's food).

I still remember planning the wedding and my wonderful wedding day but that all started in College when I was spending hours on Davids Bridal.com. I choose the dress at my desk in college because when I thought about my future as graduation approached it was all about our marriage and what our kids would be like. I knew it was the one when I tried it on but it had always been my Mom's dream to shop for her daughter's wedding dress in Manhattan so I gave her that, and told her which I wanted on the drive home. It was something that was so important to her that wasn't hard for me to give her (giving and taking I got the dress I wanted she got her dream come true).

When I think about my time in my dorm room thinking of my future marriage and motherhood, I can't believe how far we've come. This is the 12 week ultrasound when we found out the baby is Zach not Caroline. I am blessed to have Josh and Zach in my life and combined with the rest of my family, that's all I need.