Medicated Mommy AND..................

At the encouragement of my family I went to see a Psychiatrist for anxiety medication. I have been to Dr. R. before. When I was in college, in December of 2001, I fainted for the third time that semester on a Friday when I was going to drive home for the weekend. The Dean of Students said she was concerned for my health and I wasn't welcome back until she had a letter from a specialist that I am managing my eating disorder. I was 95lbs at that time (I miss 95lbs!!!) Dr. R. was certified to help with it so I started seeing him for a few years. I had to stop when it got expensive post the store closing. During that time he prescribed Lorazopram for my anxiety but it didn't work.

This time he put me on something that did work previously but I'm not crazy about the two strongest side effects, sleepiness and stuffy nose. It's called Citalopram. He wanted to start me on 20mg but I insisted on 5mg (which still works). It had been eight years since I saw him. He was so surprised that my anxiety is still so strong. I'm way better with dogs but I think my fear of heights will just always be with me. There is at least one member of my family (hem hem my brother) who thinks this will "FIX" me and all of a sudden he won't be embarrassed by me. I got news for you dude, it makes me a little more mellow but I am still me and you don't like it! At least my mom is realistic about what to expect. For the record I was never medicated as a kid.

I do feel a little more mellow. I still feel anxiety but I haven't had any random and unprovoked attacks like before. For that I am definitely grateful. My biggest resistance to being medicated is that Zach needs me so I need to be there for him, I am functioning so the medication, in my opinion, was optional. I was going to try it to please my family (yeah I've said that before, sensing a pattern? Does it help with understanding my childhood?) It's only been three days but I am adjusted and do feel a little better so I am going to keep taking it.

Here's the "and" part from up top. Zach has been so good at not touching my decorations that I brought most of the decorations from before he was born in from the garage. He noticed, he likes, he says all the time "mommy decorations no touch". It's WONDERFUL to have the house look so cheery again. It did before but it wasn't the same. I've reworked the uses of my linens because I like the monthly linens for every day use. My nice linens are seasonal so they are for when we have company now. Zach's been using the same placemat and napkin as us and has been so good about it!!! I'm still waiting on the window (seasonal with lights around and seasonal stuff inside like orange lights with leaves), the coffee table, the kitchen shelf, and my seasonal plates. We got Josh's mom a decoration for her birthday and Zach has been holding it carefully ever since. I love that it's his new favorite word.