Dream

I just woke up to a strange dream. I tend to have a lot of those so I am getting good at discovering their hidden meanings. Here it is:

Zach and I are on a busy road. I turn off onto a new road and Zach protests, scared about if we could return home. At this point I'm in my car. We pass by a series of very small houses, including one with a broken mailbox, and continue up a windy hill to a hotel. At the hotel we get out and I carry him as we get around. We get to the pool area that has three pools, no one is around, and the water is so overflowed it takes over about 3 inches up to the doors of the rooms. We leave that area and find our way to Josh's car. He's not around but I drive it (something I can't do in real life) we start leaving the hotel area by going down a steep and small hill slowly to avoid landing in the lake at the bottom. I get down, turn, then we find ourselves going down the windy road again past everything including the broken mailbox. When we get into town, we get to an apartment building that is pepto bismal pink with royal blue molding (this one is important because I had a dream when we were engaged once where Josh lived there, just like in this dream) Suddenly, I'm carrying a baby Zach in his carrier on my back as we see Josh. He says he can't get enough of me and wants to marry me. This time I agree (previous protests were because of his lack of communication skills being something that can ruin a marriage). While walking to find a church, it's a beautiful day, baby Zach still asleep in his carrier on my back along with other bags, we tell a nice black woman doing her laundry our plans.

It's obvious that our trip was about the ups, downs, and challenges life brings us. Zach is with me for all of mine. That lake may have been because we visited my parents at their cabin at the lake. I read the Divorce section of the Huffington Post to get a better understanding about what goes wrong so we can prevent it. The part where Josh and I are unmarried probably comes from that and other articles I've read about single moms. It does show that if I had it to do over I would still marry him. I think the fact the lady was black was simply because we had a nice conversation with a black lady with a three year old (and no father around) in Wendy's last night.

http://www.dreammoods.com says the blue represents truth, wisdom, heaven, eternity, devotion, tranquility, loyalty and openness. Perhaps I was expressing a desire to get away. The presence of this color in your dream, may symbolize your spiritual guide and your optimism of the future. You have clarity of mind. Since this also appeared while we planned the wedding and we get engaged there (in both dreams actually) I take it this represents our eternal devotion to each other. The site also says that pink represents love, joy, sweetness, happiness, affection and kindness. Being in love or healing through love is also implied with this color. Pink is the dominant color in this dream so clearly it means our huge amount of love, affection, and happiness for one another. The small houses, some in disrepair, represent the variety that marriages come in.

http://www.dreammoods.com says pools means I need to acknowledge my feelings. It's time to dive in and deal with them or the need to wash away the past. http://www.dreamota.com says it represents a change in your way of life. Pools and lakes, as common places of purification or initiation, can represent a change in your way of life; emerging unconscious material that will promote growth. Like all bodies of water, it can represent the womb; pregnancy; a desire or need to return to mothering waters and be nourished or escape responsibility; knowledge that is deep or mysterious; possibly occult or metaphysical; your inner world of feelings or emotions.

Before delving into the pool part let me tell you about the dream I woke up to yesterday:

It's late but I'm shopping in Babies 'R' Us (haven't needed anything from there in a long time). Josh and Zach (as he is now) come in in a shopping cart to get me. All I see is a moving Butterfinger bar but I know it's Zach so I pick him up (still invisible) and carry him. Again he's a baby and I hold him like I did then. Outside of the store, he is no longer invisible. I strap him into his carrier car seat and home we go.

I'm guessing the butterfinger is for the boy part. http://www.dreammoods.com says invisible means feelings of not being noticed or recognized for what is important to you. You feel you are being overlooked. Alternatively, the dream indicates that you are trying to withdraw from the realities of life. In this case, I didn't see him but I didn't overlook him. But, since I was shopping on my own I could have been trying to withdraw from the realities of life. However, he was invisible in a store we haven't needed for him in a long time and visible again when we left it.



Back story: The past week and a half he has found a video of him that Josh's mom gave me for Christmas combined with our wedding video. He's insisted on watching both. The wedding video as we speak I  think the invisible Zach in my case represents that he's no longer a baby and hasn't been in a while. Seeing the video of him as a baby makes me miss him as a baby.

Back to the water:  Could the water in the first dream mean I have to acknowledge my feelings? in this context, I don't think so. I've already acknowledged me fear of the unknown. I've also acknowledged my protectiveness of Zach. Maybe it means I need to move on from missing him as a baby and appreciate him now. But I already do that. I talk all the time about how I love watching him grown and change and learn new things. Could it be a change in my way of life? I wasn't aware there was a change but I do dream about pools a lot because with the OCD and GAD I really hate big changes and take a while to adjust to them. But the only change is more exercise has been effective with the diet. My nutritionist says that waist loss is more true then weight loss because you can gain pounds in muscle as you exercise and I lost 4" off my waist since the start of the diet. Escaping responsibility? Zach, my biggest responsibility is with me the entire time. Knowledge that is deep or mysterious. Well, the water was over flowing and there were a lot of pools but what do I know so much about? I'm not a "professional" in anything other then parenting. Help with that from readers would be appreciated.

But the pregnancy/maternal thing might not be far off. Zach only wears a diaper at night now and that will change probably some time in October. He had an accident the first two days but not since. Yesterday, we engaged in a battle that lasted more then an hour. He didn't have to go but it was a 45 minute drive home from the cabin. He also held it in because he was having fun with Grandma and Pop. Mommy was the one to finally get him to budge. He said "big trucks" because we saw some on the drive up so I told him he might see more but we can't leave until he goes pee pee. It worked instantly. I can't ignore the pregnancy thing though since it goes back to he was a baby at some point in both dreams. I'm not pregnant now but maybe my dreams are telling me there will be another baby in our future. Babies have appeared in other dreams lately and Zach holding the butterfinger (he's only had 6 m&m's in his life) might mean another boy in our future.

I looked at other dream sites but they seemed to be the most effective especially http://www.dreammood.com. Welcome to the mind of someone with General Anxiety Disorder. The mind never shuts off.