Mommy and Daddy are Getting Older

We're getting older, that's a giant DUH moment. I'm only 30 but gray hair happens early on my mom's side of the family. I found my first at 27. I still only have a few but they are there and I find one more every once in a while. What's creeping up on me is the wrinkles. They are slow but I definitely am past the age of getting carded. The more pronounced lines are forming around my eyes, A sign that I smile and laugh a lot. A sign my life is full of happiness. I still look young, it's not like I'm confused for 40, but I'm not confused for 23 either. I occasionally wear a face mask to clear my pores but that's rare. (Freeman's Natural cucumber). My ideas have changed. I need to stop reading political and crime related articles, they have made me too serious for my liking. I've read too much about toddlers dying due to poor care. It makes me hold Zach closer and never want to let him go.

Recently, my mother (note the non-adoring word) let Zach go somewhere that's a no-no. The playground in the local park for younger kids is for 2-5 year olds. There is a wiggly bridge I'm cool with him running across but the platform on one end of the bridge goes up higher then the rest. I keep envisioning him up there and four and five year olds running and not paying attention and/or not seeing him knocking him off the top. The fall is far enough where he could die if that happened. When he's three, I'll be more comfortable with it but for now absolutely not. I don't want to grieve my son like those in the news. After that my mother can't bring him to the park without me there.

Josh is showing signs of aging too. Along with his smile and laugh wrinkles is a receding hairline. A family thing. It's slow and subtle but there, He too is changing his views on life and is getting more fiercely protective of Zach as he is older and more capable. In some ways, Josh is stricter then me. Josh is 31 and has completed the transformation I am going through. Hence our recent troubles. We've gotten through major changes before and are now. They are never easy but always worth the work.

I like maturing. I've never been a beauty buff. No night creams, makeup, and hair dye for me. In high school I used makeup thinking it would help attract a boyfriend. In college my version of experimenting was red hair that Josh still dreams about. It was sexy. Like I said, the closest to beauty other then conditioner (which is considered taking good care of your hair not something meant to make you look younger) I occasionally use a face mask. I like it but for me it's a relaxing thing, not a way to grasp onto as much of my former self as possible.

Irony of ironies, one thing I longed for about parenthood when trying and pregnant was to watch my child grow and develop. I've always been interested in how we grow and change and the stages of life. I looked forward to all these milestones Zach is experiencing with enthusiasm. Here's the irony part, I forgot that I'M still going through life milestones and changing and learning how to do new things. I just assumed they were done once it was clear that we can never afford a house or (something I still get sad about) not being able to afford another child. That's hard considering we still have a lot of time where another is possible. I probably will carry that regret with me the rest of my life. Those are milestones of the 30's and 40's that we won't experience. Because of that, I thought we were done with milestones. Then life happens. As we show signs of getting older, I find myself feeling more confident.

Part of the changes are parenthood related part of it is life related. I never minded the gray. As an adult, I prefer being just as honest about my true looks as I am about everything else. The hard part is fighting my diet. It's a lot of work with small to little results. At least as we raise Zach it's big results as he grows and develops. Our shoes and shirts might still fit us but our old ideas have been questioned as we see the world differently.

I used to be pro-choice but only under strict age limits and having talked to a psychologist about it (I've never liked that some people use it as a twisted form of birth control but felt the rare cases it would be okay are for a rape victim or an ultrasound proving the baby wouldn't survive outside the womb (I know someone who had a pregnancy with a baby like that and did abort.)) I am now pro-life (but the kind of pro life where birth control is okay). Birth control is available in many forms including inexpensive. If you are on the pill and use a condom, an unwanted pregnancy shouldn't happen (with both used). Once a life is created, even very early on, it's a life and you taking it away is murder. I still have gray areas of those two conditions I mentioned earlier since that's beyond a woman's control and the case of the rare disorder it's not like your aborting a baby that would survive anyway. I forget the disorder but there is a rare one. I really feel like if you can't handle the kid, don't have sex in the first place. Below is Zach's 12 week ultrasound. It's when we found out he's a boy (very early for that though). It's the ultrasound that changed my mind.