The things that bothered me two weeks ago make me smile now. As he jumps around I can't help but want to hug him and kiss him. He's above 40 pounds now and tall but I still like holding him on my lap like I always have. It's harder then it was a month ago but I'm not willing to give it up yet.
We had a busy month. Some of the things we did together this month include swimming when it was warm enough, playing, swinging (I pushed), worksheets , walking to Hillcrest for apples, and planting flowers. As I reflect now on this past month I look ahead to tomorrow.
Tomorrow the DVD for Power Rangers Mega Force comes out and we will go get it from Target. He'll watch that while playing when I make lunch. After lunch we will plant a Mum we got for him yesterday. I had been iffy about Yellow Mums for my garden so while we were in Home Depot last night I got new ones for my planned garden and moved the old ones. Zach wanted Mums too so we got him one.
I love gardening with him. It's funny, I need him to be elsewhere when I plant in my own garden to really get that inner peace I need to control my anxiety yet planting his flowers for his garden with him is just as enjoyable. He knows the routine now about setting up and planting. He always starts with wearing his gardening gloves but halfway through takes them off and enjoys the feel of the soil in his hands. Just like me. We have more planting in the next couple of months that I am very much looking forward to. We have learned that he needs to be full and awake for gardening to go well so after lunch but not too close to nap or after dinner are good times.
He likes watching me deadhead and is asking questions about how to do it. He's too young now but soon I will start paying attention for when he's ready to learn. At the moment, I almost always water his garden for him but once school starts and a routine forms we can create a routine for when to water if needed. I can teach him how to know if flowers need water or not. First I am working on teaching him not to use too much or too little water.
I take as much pride in his garden as he does. We work on it together. When I look at his garden I don't just see the pretty flowers, I see the smile on his face as he walks through the nursery looking for flowers. I see him putting a toy either against the tree or on the stair so the toy can "watch him plant". I see him looking for his shovel and gloves inside then walking with me to the garage to get the soil and his pot. I look at each individual plant and remember what it was like getting and planting it with him.
All month I wanted things to go faster. When he's in school I can get a lot done because my pace is quicker. Zach is definitely a "take in everything" kinda kid. He moves slower and sometimes that is frustrating. For the past four days, I have followed his lead and just enjoyed the moment instead of trying to rush to complete a to-do list. I have found myself asking for hugs and cheek kisses a lot these past few days. He shows me that dimple then turns his cheek as he leans in for those cherished Mommy kisses.
Tomorrow I will do what I always do at bedtime. I will kiss him and say "kisses from Mommy, because Mommy loves you. Hugs, cuddles, and kisses". At the start of the month he wanted me to snuggle with him for a few minutes every night. Now sometimes he doesn't want to snuggle and sometimes when he does they are quick. I miss my snuggle time with my Angel. Tonight I got a nice, long snuggle.
It's not Kindergarten. It's his last year at a fantastic preschool. I know his teachers and know he'll be in great hands. He still holds my hand when we walk across parking lots and streets but somehow I am cherishing these moments more. I've held his hand a lot this past month since he's gone with me basically everywhere. On Wednesday, he'll hold my hand as he walks into his last year of Preschool. He's in "the big kid class". I know from those worksheets what his strengths and weaknesses are. I also know he'll be happy to see his friends and happier to see me and pick-up.
I asked him what he wants for dinner tomorrow. He said "Breaded Chicken so I can help you make it". He's used to being there with me all day. He'll still have that on Fridays but now there will be more time when we are apart. He wants to be with me as much as he can. I want that too. I want to find more ways he can help me do things.
We had the Fall and September Decorating Day last Friday and he didn't want to help much. It made me sad because it's something special we do together. I used to do it alone but have come to enjoy sharing that with him. It's because I did my wardrobe, the yard decorations, and the window lights without him on Thursday night. He wanted to help with all of it but with those things he sometimes gets in the way. So I did it alone. If I knew how he felt I would have just done my wardrobe since I need that in the morning. The rest could have waited to do with him. It was lonely decorating so much alone. He did some things but not as much as usual. It got done quicker but it's more fun watching his joy as he carefully runs with the decorations to their proper place.
I don't know what's up ahead this year. If you told me a year ago he was two weeks away from an Asthma attack that would hospitalize him for two days I wouldn't have believed you. I have waited for the day when I have uninterrupted alone time to get more exercise and do more things. My plans for Wednesday include getting a couple more plants to plant while he's in school. I'll let him choose one after school to plant together after nap time.
I hope he'll always love gardening. I know as he gets older he'll slowly take over planning and caring for his garden but I will always look at it and think of our bonding time when I taught him how to plan and care for his garden. I will always look at it and think of him at this age setting up his toy, getting the supplies and planting with me. I will always remember him waving his watering can around after watering pretending to be a Power Ranger.
I will cherish tomorrow all year but we are both ready for school to start. Tomorrow will hopefully be filled with hugs, kisses, and hand holding. It's funny, the things I found annoying two weeks ago are the same things I want to soak in tomorrow so I can carry those memories with me while he's away from me. Soak in and cherish the little things now, these frozen moments in time. Tomorrow will be over too soon. The next day will be full of changes and awareness about how big he is getting. Those thoughts can wait until Wednesday when he's one of the "big kids". Tomorrow, he's still my little boy.
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