Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!!!

Thursday will be my parent's 43rd wedding anniversary. Every year I get them ornamental red peppers. My Mom mixes them with oil to make a dipping sauce they both like. Yesterday, we got that for them. Zach also got them Mums. We planted the plants while they were out so they came home to a loving surprise.

They got married when my Mom graduated from College and in their early years of marriage both got Masters Degrees. They had 10 years together before I was born and apparently traveled a lot during that time. They also bought the house I lived in until right before my brother was born.

I love seeing them together. They have little things that drive each other crazy but clearly are still deeply in love and cherish each other's company. My Mom used to tell me when I was a kid "it's important to always invest in your marriage or it will fall apart when you kids are grown and out of the house". She is an intelligent woman and I have taken that advice seriously from day one of our marriage. The best way to do that is with date nights every once in a while but any time you can manage to be alone together makes a difference.

During that alone time it's okay to talk about the kids a little bit but that time is really for reconnecting as people. Running a household together is a partnership. Spouses tend to talk a lot about the business of managing a home. But it's important to stay connected as individuals. It's important to know your spouse's opinions on various things, the foods they like, their hobbies, and basically anything that makes them the person you love. I see this in my parents every day.

They both like Tennis and frequently talk about Tennis and watch Tennis together. It's one of the reasons Zach chose to take Tennis in September with the town instead of Soccer, T-Ball, or Basketball. Growing up, my brother and I played a little Tennis too. It was a great family bonding activity but I remember watching them play each other sometimes.

They pay attention to each other. Years ago my Mom lost her favorite hairbrush. It was made of special bristles and she couldn't find any just like it. My Dad found one in England and got it for her for Christmas. My Mom's birthday gift is that I wrap her Christmas presents for her but my Dad usually adds a surprise like that brush. It's the kind of gift only she would appreciate that much but my Dad knows her that well and knew just what would make her happy. He's always doing little things for her to make her life easier.

My Mom does the same for him. My Dad loves the flavored water "Hint" but it's expensive. My Mom is always on the lookout for a good sale so she can get him that special water. She is always talking about "your father likes __________". She too does the little things that make his life easier. It's one way they show each other how important they are to each other.

Now they have an empty nest. They are at the point in their marriage my Mom was talking about when I was a kid. They invested in their marriage then and are still deeply in love now. I might have many worries and anxieties but I feel safe that they have both done the work to invest in a happy marriage.

I'll leave you with this story of one way they did it. When I was about seven they started "adult date night". On Fridays, if they couldn't get a babysitter, they would set up a kid table in the Sun room for me and my brother. We would watch TV, usually TGIF, and have take out like Burger King. My Mom would make a special meal for the two of them to eat in the dining room. They would dress nice, light candles, and eat something they knew we don't like but they enjoy. We were allowed to leave the Sun room to go to the bathroom but we understood it was important to leave them alone, if only for an hour. We always did the best we could to leave them alone. I took special note that they did this for their marriage. It's when I learned that the role of "Spouse" isn't the same as "Co-Home Manager".

Watching them closely is how I learned how to be a good wife. It's how I learned what makes a healthy marriage and how to work through tough times. It's why family has always been the most important thing in my life. I love them both with all my heart and seeing how happy they are together is a great joy in my life. Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad................thanks for teaching me the most important lessons I will ever learn.