Friends (Tot Lot edit 7/9/13)

Anie isn't the only High School friend I recently found and started hanging out with again. It actually started when Zach was one. Zach, My Mom, and Me were all walking in the park. There was Michelle sitting on a bench with her son in a stroller. Sean is just shy of five months younger then Zach. We ran into her with Sean and her younger son, Michael, at the town pool a couple of times last year. The boys have had a couple of play dates including one today and were at Zach's birthday party. So soon after Michelle and I found  each other we are loosing each other.

She's moving to Virginia just after July 4th. They didn't have a choice. Her awesome husband is a mail man and is transferring soon after she moves with the boys. I'm really going to miss her. She's a Stay-At-Home-Mom like me and there aren't many of those. Most of my high school and college friends are either in serious relationships but not married and don't have kids yet, or they aren't dating anyone right now. It's nice having a friend my age who is in the same situation as me. My other Mommy friends are about 3 - 5 years older on average.

I had a lot of acquaintances in High School and College but few friends. All of my friends were close friends. Most of them are still friends. I was very shy back then and needed to get comfortable with someone first. That meant I needed a lot of time around them to adjust. Later, when the doctor told me I have OCD and General Anxiety Disorder, these close friends weren't surprised and were already helping me when I needed it. Most of the help I needed was with my anxieties and fears.

I think that's why it's awkward for me with Zach in Tot Lot. Tot Lot is a summer camp held by the town's recreation department. My brother and I both took part in Tot Lot as well as the programs for older kids; Primary Park and Elementary Zone. Zach was fantastic at drop off on Monday. He looked in to what was my Kindergarten classroom and saw kids his age coloring and drawing. With a quick kiss, he ran in. He doesn't usually eat lunch at Preschool but asked to stay for lunch here. He sure loved it! At pick-up I asked if he made any friends. The conversation when like this:

Me: "Did you make any friends today"?
Zach: "Yeah, lots of boys and a girl" (he was sitting next to the girl at lunch)
Me: "What are their names?"
Zach: "I don't know"

He still doesn't know names yet but he found kids that like to play the same things he does. These are only kids in town so I hope he makes friends with some that might go to his Elementary school. Next June he graduates from Preschool and that September he starts Kindergarten in town. If I can get contact info to a friend from Tot Lot that will also be going to his future school, I can arrange play dates. That would mean they could stay connected over the next year and start Kindergarten with a friend. That's not likely to happen but it would be nice.

I have been thinking about his Preschool graduation lately. Most of my Mommy friends are parent's of his classmates and he is close with a lot of his classmates too. It's going to be hard for me to make new friends with other parents when he starts Kindergarten. I have most of the Preschool friend contact information so Graduation doesn't mean he won't see his current friends again but these are the times when most friends drift apart.

You make new friends at your new school and your time fills with activities and play dates with those new friends. Suddenly, there isn't time for your old friends and they don't have time for you either. It reminds me of a song I learned in Brownies:

"Make new friends and keep the o-old one is silver and the other's gold"

It's common for Elementary friendships to carry through High School graduation and some into college. In my case, I was the forgotten kid in Elementary school but I had some friends from different towns. I made friends in Middle School with a few kid who went to different Elementary schools. Anie was one of them.

One of my anxieties  is making friends. The friends I have all approached me first. These friendships have also withstood the test of time. Some went dormant for a while but they are still there and we still care about each other. Even if it's only on Facebook, it's good to still hear from each other.

An excellent example is another High School friend, Cathy. Cathy was in Josh's class and introduced us. We went to her wedding a few months shy of our second anniversary, six years ago. They are still married and she just had her baby shower for her first. They live in Connecticut. They met in college at the University of Connecticut. That's how our friendship went dormant, she went to Connecticut and a year later I went to South Carolina for two years. I transferred to a school in Pennsylvania. We made new friends and had trouble finding time for our friendship. We ran into each other a few times after college but it was clear she was visiting in New Jersey and would settle in Connecticut. I don't know if I'll ever see her in person again but it's great to keep up with each other.

That's another golden friendship. I have a lot of those. I cherish all of them. I'm such a quirky person, I find that the people who "get" me all like me. Those that don't "get" me either like me or not. I think that's true for most of us.

I hope Zach and I find time to keep the golden friendships we have made through his Preschool. He chooses well. They are all fantastic kids and their parents are just as fantastic. None of them are setting off any "future troublemaker" red flags. That's comforting that he's choosing well. Hopefully, he'll continue to make very intelligent friend choices. It doesn't matter if the friendship is "silver" or "gold". True friendships are priceless.

Edit: There was an interesting development on Friday. He already knows a Tot Lot camper. When he was 2, he took gym classes at the Y. In one session he met R. We became friends and I even had his Mom's number in my phone for a while but couldn't find it. We ran into R at the town pool a few times, just like me and Michelle, but I didn't know he was coming to Tot Lot. He'll be going to a different Elementary School but if we can get his Mom's contact info we can stay in contact until 5th grade when they will be in the Middle School together. That's a friendship with possible staying power. It's too bad I lost her number. That was Friday. Today we heard from his Preschool friend. There were a few preschool friends who's contact info I don't have so on his last day of school I left a note in their cubbies with my contact info. That play date is on Thursday after camp. We are putting the effort in to preserving these friendships because they are all awesome people.