Flashback (Edit: Our Visit)

We went to the Nursery to get Josh's Mom's flowers for her Mother's Day gift. My Mom will get some cash for some of hers. It's a long standing gift they both have voiced a preference for. While there, the owner said, "Fran, hold on I have something for you". I couldn't think of what it could be but what it was certainly wasn't on my list of possibilities (which only had "nametag" on it since I get confused for an Employee there sometimes).

It was a business card for an old High School friend. I knew she still lived in the area but I didn't know where. Many years ago my Mom ran into her and she said she is a Lesbian and living with her partner. She also has a condition called Synesthesia which is an oversensitive sensory system. I was happy to hear she was doing well then but wasn't on Facebook yet and didn't run into her myself.

She knew I go to that Nursery frequently and left her card there with her number so I can call her. She wants to renew our friendship. I sent her a "friend" request when I got home and I will call her when I'm done with this. I have fond memories of her. I was shy in High School so she was one of a few close friends I had. I have run into other kids from High School and am amazed at how many people I assumed never noticed me but actually remember me.

The Nursery is on a main street in town so she must have seen me walking. Apparently, I look the same. I don't know whether that means I looked 32 at 17 or that I look young now. I don't use anti-aging product so that could go either way. She also told the Nursery owner that she sometimes drives by my parent's house and thinks of me. I hope if she ever sees me she'll park, get out, and chat for a while.

We met in the 5th grade. Back then, that was the last year in Elementary school. Our town has 4 elementary schools and once a year we did this one town-wide trip so the kids can meet other kids from other Elementary schools. It was for fifth graders only to help make moving to the middle school easier. She went to the Elementary school Zach will be going to. I live very close to her parent's old house and think of her often too as I walk by. That trip was to Stokes State Forest. It's in New York and the trip was brutally in February. "Cold" was an understatement!

We hung out the Summer before college some but once College started we drifted apart. I started off spending two years of college in South Carolina. That's one of the charms about growing up in a small town and never really leaving it. You can grow apart from your childhood friends but you never know who will reappear in your life. This isn't the first time I have renewed an old friendship.

She may have been searching for me using my maiden name "C" but I haven't been Fran "C" since October of 2004. Now I'm Fran "S". Fran "C" is a different person. She's shy, innocent, positive, and likes the compliment of "you need to gain weight". Fran S is 100% DOMESTIC! She gardens, decorates, cooks, talks to people all the time, is no longer innocent about how deceptive people can be, and is exhausted with the battle to loose weight.

It was easy to stay positive and find the good in everything when I felt that most people were trustworthy. Of course, back then I didn't read the news. But as an adult it's important to be informed. I have been struggling to find the good in everything without loosing that sense for "what are they really saying"? You can't be positive if you feel you can't trust people but it's hard to know who is honest anymore. The episodes of Depression don't help.

I froze when "B" handed me that card. I had been searching for that "always positive always happy" person I used to be and trying to fit that mentality into my life today. I started with being pickier about what I read in the news.

Anie has changed too. She used to be Anita. I make it clear on this blog how much I support Gay Rights and marriage equality. On her Facebook page I saw her with her partner, so happy. This is the kind of couple I am fighting for and with.

It's flattering that she has been thinking of me and trying to find me to renew our friendship. I have been thinking of her as well as other long-lost friends too. Facebook becomes a mass of posts that blend in and don't usually make sense. Reconnecting in person once in a while is where actual connections are made. I might find out on Facebook when someone is pregnant, had a baby, bought a house, moved, got Engaged, got Married, or ended their relationship but that's the big life things. It's not connecting with the other person. Anie wants to connect as true friends again and I would love that. It's nice to talk to my childhood friend who is now a nurse in Virginia but I miss spending time with her.

She has her Synesthesia, I have my OCD and General Anxiety Disorder. I know I had mine in High School (both are genetic remember) she may have had hers then too. Now we know the names and are finding our own ways to manage them. Anie wrote a book about her Synesthesia. She also has a website. This book is to help others better understand a condition they probably have never heard of and/or probably don't understand. A lot of people probably blow it off as "overreacts to everything". It's not like that. Just like OCD isn't washing your hands 1,000 times a day for everyone.

Maybe by renewing this friendship I can find that part of me that is always happy and positive, finding at least a little good in everything. Sometimes we have to rediscover who we were to become who we want to be. When your world is full of nerve-racking disorganization, fear over the well being of yourself and loved ones, and worries.......it's hard to be happy. I have a lot of small happy and positive moments but not enough big ones. To get my long-lost and long-cherished optimism back I need to have a reason to be optimistic in the first place. That optimism returns when I see the world differently.

I don't think it's a coincidence that this happened now. I was at the Nursery yesterday around noon. This morning we were there around noon. They close at six. It was God's plan for us to not meet yesterday but soon. I almost went back to the Nursery in the late afternoon but changed my mind yesterday. Fate. We weren't ready yet. Hopefully soon. Only in a small town can you stay this connected without a computer and without seeing each other. We go by each other's childhood houses all the time, why haven't we seen each other? How did she know I go into the Nursery all the time? That it would be the best way to find me?

I have some "how did you find me?" questions for her but first I have a giant hug for her. I hope she will be okay with that. She used to be. Neither of us are the same as when we were in High School. But it might turn out we aren't that different. We walk the same streets now that we did then but our paths haven't crossed......yet. Why?

I am feeling a little better. My optimism is coming back. Maybe it's time for Fran S. to meet Fran C. Our reunion will be filled with memories and catching up but hopefully it will end with a real friendship again. That friendship will be different then before because we're not the same people but can be just as strong. Same goes for seeing Anie.

Edit: It turns out she's a Gardening addict like me and frequents that nursery too! How have we not run into each other? She saw me leaving yesterday and recognized my distinct walk. I didn't know I HAD a distinct walk. I bet she didn't think "B" was LITERAL when she said I come in daily. Anyway, she's coming over tomorrow to catch up, meet Zach, and talk GARDENING!!! On the way to get Zach from school I think I'll take her to my parent's house to show off my flowers there. My Mom said I planted enough flowers for her and gave me back the Mother's Day money. There will probably be a classmate's party this month so that will be good to have. I'll edit this again after our visit :)!

Edit: Our visit started with a really long hug. We talked a lot about High School and people we knew as well as our partners/soul-mates. She brought me some Gladiolus bulbs. They are Summer flowers that grow a little tall and need to be bound to something. I have to ask Paula about where she would like to put them and research what to do with them in Winter but they were a nice surprise. That is especially true for Zach. When we got home from picking him up he found them and immediately wanted to plant them. I told him that one or two can be his but I would have to talk to Paula about location. I had pots for her. In previous years, I put 5 of my 8 Marigolds in window box pots but with the new style pots I got this year I included extra for those plants instead. As flowers die I like being able to remove them and just rearrange what's left. With the  long window pot I would have to disturb the roots of the remaining flowers. She needed window pots anyway. She gave me a copy of her book and signed it as well. We talked a ton about gardening. She loves that I move the pots of fading flowers to the back of the garden to feature the healthier things like the Pansies will be in the back of the garden come June and the Marigolds and Daisies will be moved come Aster/Mum season. Anie loved my pots and asked where I got them (Kmart).

I did rediscover the optimistic part of me. I didn't realize I impacted her life so much simply by being a friend but apparently I did. I needed that. Suddenly, it's easy to be positive. Today that was tested. At my parent's house is a tree that goes into the driveway a little bit. I could see it from my bedroom window. Today it was cut down. It was a fall risk in case we have another Sandy-like storm but I have so many memories of that tree (and not just "watch out for the side mirror when parking"). So many first days of school were greeted with a bird on that tree singing with my windows open. It's one of my favorite things at that house and it's gone. But here's the positive: it's one less thing to worry about in the next storm and parking will be a lot easier especially since I like to back up!

This was a wonderful day. Her apartment is on the 5th floor and my fear of heights means I can't get to it but I will visit HER garden soon. Zach loved proudly telling her his favorite flower is "Pansies" mine are a toss between Marigolds and Mums. It turns out neither of us have changed that much even though we are very different then the teenagers we were. It's the kind of Frannyism only those who know me get. Anie will get it when she reads this. Rediscovering our pasts helped both of us make sense of our present. How did we get here? How did our lives lead us to where we are? She Majored in Graphic Design because she loved art and thought it was the only thing she was good at. I Majored in Dance because I thought it was the only thing I was good at. We both were wrong, we are good at many things but taking care of our loved ones is our biggest strength. Something we still share. I'm not surprised she pursued art. She did Art for the Middle School Magazine. She was great at it, I wasn't but it was something we did together.

Today came so easy. There were a lot of hugs! We really didn't miss a beat. Zach likes meeting my old friends. He's used to my friends being parents of his friends. It opens a new world for him when he meets someone I knew from long ago. He loves hearing us reminisce because it lets him learn about who Mommy used to be like. You mean Mommy and Daddy weren't always together? The class reunion was $80 per person in 2009. Neither of us felt that was worth it. She asked for the best way to meet former classmates. I said, "walk up and down "B" Ave." "B" Ave. is the main street in the center of town. You really do run into so many people there. Example: last Thursday Josh and I walked that street while Zach was at babysitting with my Parents. We ran into Zach's close friend from school and his family. We are close with the family too. That's where I got the RSVP that all of them will be at his party. Small towns rock!!!