Passover and Easter

Around Christmas I mentioned in a post entitled "Happy Hanukkah" that Zach was learning about Hanukkah in school and wanted to celebrate it. I also mentioned in that post that we used to celebrate Passover. At that time, I called Kate. My parents and Kate's parents have been best friends since college and when we were kids we started celebrating Passover with the Passover Seder. They are Catholic and we are Episcopalian but it was a great learning experience. Kate's son is 2 1/2 so she agreed it's a good time to re-start this tradition. We had to celebrate it on Saturday the 23rd due to scheduling but it was a great experience and a new tradition we look forward to.

Both Grandmas were excited about bring this tradition back. My Mom planned the meal (it was at her house) and Kate's mom planned how we would teach the Seder to the boys. She was a Kindergarten teacher and had a Lift-the-Flap book about it. She also had typed up the Seder in an easy-to-follow way. As we went through the Seder memories came back to me. Zach enjoyed the new experience. We did mix a little Easter in though. We had dyed hardboiled eggs and a Rabbit cake too but not with the Seder.

Easter was Zach's first time in church since his Baptism at 3 months. My Mom is a difficult woman. She is what I like to call a "Bow-To-Me" person. That just is someone that gives you a hard time if you don't give them what they want and gives you a hard time before giving you what you want. It's not a positive trait but no one is perfect. This all goes back to Gardening. 

Early in March I wanted to talk about that Garden space at her house. She refused to listen. The only way to get her to agree was to say Zach would go to church with her on Easter. This meant a lot of adjusting. We pray and talk about God all the time. I also am teaching Zach to thank God for the blessings in his life. For me, you don't have to actually go to church to Pray and follow God's word about helping those in need, respect, and acceptance.

To get myself in the mood I agreed to help decorate the Church the day before. This was a big mistake and thanks to this experience I made it clear to her to NEVER ask me to go to church with the exception of Weddings, Funerals, Baptisms, First Communions (if Catholic) and Confirmations. You see, while the two others we worked with were nice, neither of them had a good idea of what looks good. The man who usually helps her out was in charge. I wouldn't use a word as strong as "ugly" but I would say "it didn't look that good". It made me think of this article in the May/June 2013 issue of Fine Gardening Magazine. It's called Finding Freedom In Structure by George Schoellkopf . I can't get the article to post here but it's currently in newsstands and will eventually be at http://www.finegardening.com.

He talks about how people think his garden is an English garden because of the structure and most visitors love it. He talks about how in America it's all about "freedom" and often the approach is not structured because structure usually brings to mind "formal" and "rigid". Americans like that "Natural" look or what these two misguided "church decorators" were using. They kept referring to it as "an organic look" and did everything possible to avoid any form of structure. Anything I did to make something look the same, they undid.

It was a frustrating experience for someone with OCD and I won't be setting foot in that Church for regular or holiday services until someone who embraces structure takes over this task. It was that stressful an experience for me. When the Priest asked if I was helping by choice I said, "yes" but he probably saw my dissatisfaction. On Easter, when we were leaving, he thanked me again for my help but I didn't feel like I was helping. I felt like the Church of my childhood, the church we married in and Zach was Baptized in, deserved better. But I did say "thank you".

Zach had a great day and was pretty good but wiggly during church. He did the egg hunt after church and everything else was really the same as usual for Easter. We only do a little candy and a toy. This year he got a Transformer: Prime Decepticon named Knockout and blue rabbit ears. My parents gave him a big boy swing. Perfect timing.

A couple of days ago my parents said they rarely see me happy. After spending hours thinking about what makes me happy I realized it amounts to my family and Gardening. Of COURSE they rarely see me happy, my Mom doesn't let me talk about Gardening without me having to sacrifice first!!! If you aren't supporting me by letting me talk about what I love without making me compromise then you WON'T see me happy. By making me make that compromise in order to be willing to talk about something that makes me that happy you are being unsupportive, difficult, and frustrating AKA "bow-to-me".

When I told my parents about my Gardening and happiness revelation I mentioned something else. I really want to have flowers at their house that are mine and since the other Garden isn't going to happen because of the soil//shade issues (Hostas are Perennials and the best options) I had an idea. On either side of the garage my Mom usually uses a basket that is falling apart on one side and a pot with it's own issues on the other. I had gotten two 24" pots to try mixed Container Gardens so I asked if I could put those framing the garage instead and my own flowers in them. My Mom wanted to see the pots first but easily agreed I could use them in that space. Marigolds and Mums will be great there!!! She says she likes Marigolds so she will enjoy having them. She hasn't had them before. It's Begonia land over there in the Summer. My Dad even said "the matching pots look good. You're right about structure". As regular readers know, my Garden is very structured and I get a ton of compliments on it. I'm really EXCITED and HAPPY about being able to do that. I am GRATEFUL she understands and is letting me do this. I pay for the flowers but she agreed to buy the soil.

Church was a big sacrifice on my part for one reason, I need to be able to stay up late on weekend nights. That's my autonomy time. Even when Zach's in school I am thinking of household business, exercising for my health, and going to appointments if needed. At night, after Josh and Zach are in bed, I can have my wine and either relax and enjoy a great TV show or, if I'm outside, just enjoy my thoughts. It's the time when I don't have to be a parent and spouse. I can be just me. It's the only time all day. Recently, Zach has needed me longer at tuck in and waking during the night. I take care of those so Josh can get his sleep during the week and we take care of them together on weekends. Those things cut into that time I cherish to be just me. They are important and I never hesitate to be there when my son needs me, but I have my own needs that need to be met too. Having the ability to sleep late the next morning is a true sanity saver. Having to wake up early for church threw off the entire morning and I really did feel it.

What I'm doing in that time is relaxing. I need to relax to keep stress low so I can still have control over life.  It's not the kind of thing you can put words to but it is making a difference. I'm taking care of my own needs in the best way possible. We all need time like that in our day.

I hope everyone enjoyed whatever Holiday(s) they celebrated. I'm currently on to planning Zach's birthday party which is in a couple of months. He chose a camping theme. I am having fun planning it. Zach loves all my ideas. Zach's so popular that even though my Mom said to limit it to 15 kids he really is very close with 19 and I can't get that list shorter. He makes friends with everyone!!!