Choosing A Sister

You might recall from the "First Full Sentence" post that when Josh and I started talking about the possibility of another baby and the hopes it's a girl that Zach has started to be interested in girl things to show us we don't need a girl. He'll do things like carry dresses from the toddler section around Kohls. To reassure him that we love him and are happy that he's a boy we have been telling him and showing him how much we love him and what we love about him. I have been making sure to include the fact I love he's a boy in there too.

That's been working. He no longer is trying to show us that he can do girl things so we wouldn't want to "replace" him. He's starting to understand what "also" means. We have been talking to him about how another baby would be like a friend for him to play with but we would keep him and continue to love him even if there were to be another child.

He has chosen a unique way to respond that that. When he sees a girl about his age he tries to give her something. A toy to that girl from Target mentioned in that earlier post, a piece of chicken to a girl at Applebees last night, books to girl friends in his gym class from the waiting area. I think he's trying to choose the girl he'd like to be his sister.

He's way to young to understand where babies come from and that if he got a sister she wouldn't be his age. Since Josh hasn't heard back from Home Depot yet I don't want to bring it up too much since it probably won't happen anyway. We have other financial priorities so if Josh got the job we'd have to see if we can afford another one even after the other financial necessities have been taken care of.

I got lucky in a few areas after he was born. My shoes still fit for example and with another pregnancy they might not. I quickly lost the weight. This weight gain was not from him, stress related. When he started walking I started missing having a baby and wanting another and that's when subconsciously I started eating like I was pregnant. That's when I started have issues with wanting another and being forced to come to terms about it not happening. That also means that even with this weight my cloths still fit. When my mom had a second baby (my brother) she was a size 14 for a long time. She was much smaller before she got pregnant. She's now fabulous at a 10 like me. I think that has more with not having a desk job anymore and more time to exercise. I also love our beautiful 2 bedroom apartment in a fabulous and safe town and would have to give that up probably for something lesser if we had another.

5 weeks 1 day pregnant. He's the black dot in the center. The gray swirls around it is his ambionic fluid. This was taken on our 4 year wedding anniversary. The first time I saw him.

12 Weeks 2 Days when we found out he's a BOY!!!

20 weeks and 2 days. I look at his profile and all I see is this.

I don't think those things are worth giving up yet. That's part of the conflict. As much as I want another one I'm still thinking about if those are sacrifices worth making. There are times I would love a daughter too and more and more lately I meet people who had a boy then a girl. I'm still working on getting over wanting another but these are how I remind myself. Talk about conflict though as I remember his ultrasounds and kicks. I miss having a little one kicking inside me. I remember the anticipation of just wanting to see what he looks like. I also try to remind myself that another one won't look like him and will have a different personality.

There is a girl in this session of Zach's gym class that's the Bonnie to his Clyde. They both run to class early and chase the teacher to the bathroom between the class before and theirs. They play with the same toys and he's great about sharing with her. I think she's his "choice" for a sister. We are teaching him that she's his friend.

He likes having us all to himself. He likes his time with Mommy and knowing that all the toys at home are his (but he's learning to share when needed). Two kids are a lot of work and apparently daughters are the hardest. I love just sitting back and enjoying him. Like I did this morning.