The Returning Eating Disorder

Five months. That's how long it took to loose 14 pounds. You read that right. I just stepped on the scale to see I am 128lbs! I have tried to loose weight in a lot of different ways. But I finally found something that even had my doctor's jaw drop...........in mid-September.............5 pounds ago. Is my nutritionist friend ready for this one?

I stopped making veggies with dinner and I let myself starve for an average of six hours during the day. I also cut back on sodium.  I leave 15 - 25% on my plate but I start with a full regular size plate. Also, look at those quantities. I have been exercising about the same amount as I usually do. But there is one thing the doctor told me that I never knew:

Your diet won't show for six weeks.

Keep that six week fact in mind as you attend parties and dinners in the next two months. It's a way to keep your diet in check. It's easy to in the moment say "I rarely eat this and it's so yummy! I might as well treat myself on this special occasion". Ask yourself about how you'll feel in six weeks when the taste is long gone but the weight remains.

It means that the weight I am now is based on my diet from the last full week in September. It's the same diet as I am eating now. Cutting out the dinner veggies mean less calories overall. When my doctor told me the six week fact in June, it changed everything. 5 months later, I lost 14 pounds. No doctor is going to recommend cutting out the veggies with dinner. But I still eat veggies and they really were just extra calories at dinner for me. But I think the real difference maker is leaving some left on my dinner plate.

15 - 25% is a lot of food. I know now I gained the weight from feeling like I had to have limits on everything else in life. Food became the one thing I wasn't judged for buying. I could fill my plate and no one treated it like I had more then I should. It was the same eating disorder from my past working in a different way. But now that eating disorder is working the same way it did in High School and College.

The result, loosing 14 pounds in 5 months. When you have had an eating disorder, it doesn't go away. When we hear "eating disorder" we think about anorexia, bulimia, or overeating. But an eating disorders is really a disordered approach to eating. That can take on many forms.

It's something I was born with. Zach's doctor was my Pediatrician. He still mentions how hard it was to get me to eat enough even as a newborn. My engineer parents kept a journal tracking my formula intake. It was the bare minimum I needed to survive, daily. Solids didn't go well either.

I started to eat more candy in the fifth grade. I was scared about starting middle school the next year and emotional eating took over. My Mom suggested I loose a little bit of weight. At the time I was actually fat and it was a reasonable concern. So I did then what I am doing now. Leaving some on my plate. At 12, my 9 year long actual eating disorder hit. The details are in that blog post below I'm still hypoglacemic. That's why I need the overnight crackers.

An eating disorder with OCD looks like the above. Five grapes. exactly five. Anything else is
unacceptable. It's the same reason I can handle eating a small amount of M&Ms, exactly two of each color, and be good for six months.

In July of 2011 I did a blog post on missing my eating disorder. Even with rereading it, I am glad to be in control of my eating again. I'm glad to finally see progress after all these years of diet struggle.
It's back. I'm happy about that. Because I lost 14 pounds in 5 months. I also did it on a diet that fits my life and cravings. That means it's a lot easier to stick with. I was 118 pounds when I got pregnant with Zach. I wonder if I can get to that again? How long will it take? Can I get lower? Can I get to be under 100lbs again? I hope so!

http://homewithmommy-fran.blogspot.com/2011/07/i-miss-my-eating-disorder.html

There, I said it. I said what I have been thinking for years but couldn't say allowed. I get judged by everyone and saying it allowed would just mean more lectures. But it's the undeniable truth! I miss being underweight! I miss wearing pants in the single digits. I miss seeing only two numbers on the scale.

This post isn't about telling people to develop an eating disorder to diet. Although the calorie restrictions do sound a lot like most diets. This post is really about how once you have an eating disorder, you never really stop having the eating disorder. If you have OCD you are more likely to develop an eating disorder.