Life and Death: Brittney and Jahi

On Saturday, Brittney Maynard ended her life at 29. She was terminally ill with brain cancer. Like many people who are terminally ill, she wanted to decide when and how she was going to die. She did so with lethal medication from her doctor. She completed a bucket list and ended her life on her own terms.

http://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/death-dignity-advocate-brittany-maynard-dies-oregon-n235091

A lot of people who are terminally ill choose to end their own lives. They are in serious pain. For some, that's not a life worth living anymore. Many religions want people to keep fighting to live. But they aren't experiencing this pain. These are the same religions telling people it's not okay to be gay or transgender. These are the same religions saying it's not okay for a woman to use birth control.

They are religions that like controlling other people's lives. But those who made decisions about these beliefs didn't experience them. They also made those decisions when the world was very different. They rarely encountered a gay or transgender person and there wasn't birth control. Terminally ill people didn't survive that long anyway. So telling them they had to suffer until their natural end was a short period of time.

But birth control is an option now and the GLBT community is full of out and proud members. You know a member of it whether you realize it or not. It's no longer ignored. Thanks to modern medicine, there are a lot more diseases that can be treated or cured.

If something can be treated or cured, go for it! There are many people who have had something that is treatable or curable now that in past centuries they would have died from. But we can't treat or cure everything.

In my opinion, it's selfish and abusive to expect someone who is suffering to continue to suffer if they want to end their suffering in the only way possible. You aren't experiencing the pain they are experiencing. You shouldn't be allowed to dictate how they choose to spend the rest of their short life. You shouldn't be allowed to dictate when they can die. It's their life and their pain, not yours.

The bible talks a lot about compassion. Have compassion for those in pain. Be compassionate enough to let them end their pain when they choose to. It's their choice. Because of advances in modern medicine it's easy for people to think they can be the one to beat the odds and miraculously recover. But that is very rare. Not every terminally ill patient will beat the odds. That fact can't be ignored.

We had this debate a year ago about Jahi McMath. She had complications from a tonsillectomy in California and was declared brain dead. Her family heavily protested. There was proof she still had brain stem activity. She's currently on life support here in New Jersey. It started a debate about when to "pull the plug".

I have followed her story from the beginning and still don't know what I would do if I were in her family's place. The California hospital was quick to pronounce her dead. It seemed like there was an ulterior motive to wanting her to be declared dead. But the signs of life are so small.

I think she is still alive, but she'll never live again. She won't walk or talk. She might never open her eyes again. She's alive, but is she aware? She's alive, but does she feel emotions? Does she feel pain?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-casarett-md/jahi-mcmath-and-the-dange_b_4574303.html

I suspect Jahi is in pain. She will never be able to communicate that. Her family has chosen to do as most religions dictate. Try everything until everything stops working on it's own. Unplugging her machines would end her life. She is currently alive. But it wouldn't be murder. Just like Brittney didn't commit suicide.

The big difference between Brittney and Jahi is that Brittney was able to communicate her feelings and Jahi can't. The religious objectors all say "let God decide when your life is over". I say, "Maybe God wants us to talk about the compassion that goes along with ending serious suffering in someone who will never recover."

In College, I took an Ethical Life class. We talked about Euthanasia. I did a report on it. That's when my dad told me that my Nana died through Euthanasia. The only thing keeping her alive was an IV nutritional supplement. It happened when I was 12 and she was in her 80s. It was in her living will. Do I miss her? ABSOLUTELY!!! But I don't doubt that it was the right thing. She may have lived longer but she never would have known I was hugging her or kissing her cheek. "Alive" and "aware" are different.

Do I think Brittney did the right thing? Yes, I do. Because she got to live the rest of her life experiencing what she wanted to experience. But I have the compassion to not want her to suffer. If she were my sister, I would have wanted to be there for those experiences and make memories to carry with me the rest of my life. She'll be missed at Christmas but we don't know if she would have lived that long anyway. Instead of being alive but not living, she lived.

The gray area for me as a Mom is Jahi's case. As the person who gave Zach life, I would feel like a murderer letting them end it. At the same time, it would feel like child abuse to force him to suffer. My heart pours out to any family member that has to make these decisions! I honestly don't know what I would do. But I support whatever decisions the families of these patients make.

It's a decision that takes a lot of soul searching. There isn't a right answer for everyone. No one should force their opinions about it on the person who's decision it is to make. When your talking about months-to-live terminal illness and brain death, you are talking about something too complicated to know what you would do if you have never experienced it.

When I was pregnant with the first pregnancy, I was in college. I didn't know I was pregnant until the miscarriage but I went through a stretch where a lot of people were asking me if I was pregnant. I went to bed thinking "If I am pregnant, the only way out is a miscarriage. I could never choose abortion or adoption". At 13 weeks, I miscarried. Would I treat it the same way if something happened to Zach and he became brain dead? I don't know. I can't know. Because I have never been in that position. The right choice is different for everyone.

I want to send my prayers to the terminally ill and the family and friends of those who are terminally ill. I also want to send my prayers to those who are brain dead and their families. It's impossible to know what God really wants. It's impossible to know what choice is the right one. My heart goes out to all of you! I hope you find peace and support with whichever decision is made. Life and death, it's the hardest decision there is.