Zach ... Undecided

Zach is 16 and a junior in high school. This post is about him and because I know better, he has probably read and approved it by the time you are reading this. I also get his approval before any pictures of him are posted in any post. 

Zach is currently looking at colleges. He has a good SAT score from December and is taking them again in early May. He also has a great GPA. In a lot of ways, his biggest problem is the same that mine was. We are both creative people. Zach loves Photography and Graphic Design and will definitely minor in one of them. But almost no one can make a living in the arts so, he's trying to think of what to do along with them. I recommended business, particularly Marketing. He got an A+ for the class this year and did like it. He is just iffy about it. That recommendation has a story. 

My degree is in Dance. When I was a sophomore in high school I tried to think about what I wanted to do for a living. I liked kids and I thought dance was the only thing I was sort of good at even though it seemed like everyone else was better at that too. In case you can't tell, I had about zero self-esteem in high school. My first real non-babysitting job was with a YMCA after school program in town as a Counselor and I loved it. 

I got into my first-choice college in September of my senior year and majored in Dance and Education. But the program changed in my second year so, I transferred to a school closer to home. I also got into all three schools I applied to at the time. To make Dance a major at my new school I had to link it with something else. I linked it to Education and Management. 

I connected with my management teacher right away and in one class, Ethical Life, had to volunteer as an After-school Counselor. It's when I decided I wanted to be a teacher but, I continued my dance degree and got certified to teach through Alternate Route. I made Management my minor and dropped education. 

So, how does someone who wants to be a classroom teacher graduate college with a degree in Dance and a minor in Management but not Education? I had already taken core Education classes. Enough to pass the PRAXIS by 25 points. The PRAXIS is the test you take to get a teacher certification. Most Education majors pass it by less than that or have to take it multiple times. My college was in Pennsylvania and so my plan was to get a master's degree in education in NJ. But I was also planning my wedding so, I never did go to graduate school. But I am certified to teach Preschool - 5th grade and was a tutor at a local Sylvan Learning Center for years. 

I forget the timing and order those decisions. One influence was that there were four dance teams you had to try out for and I didn't get into any of them. Stage fright will do that to you. I also am just not that flexible. That's when I decided to teach in a classroom. I did have a dance teacher talk to me. She was worried about me when I announced my decision to not peruse dance as a career. That's why I told Zach to see what happens in college. Your experiences with your professors shape your life, and not always in the way you think they will. 

Throughout my time at this other college, I connected with other business professors and liked my classes. I did have to take Macroeconomics as a summer course at a nearby college because I had taken it online and wanted a better grade. That turned out to be fortuitous. The school I took Macro in over the summer was the same school Zach visited last weekend. He looked at their business department. Possibly the very classroom I took that class in. 

My advice to him before that visit was to start college undecided. Take the general education requirements and see if there is a subject or teacher you connect with. Then you can explore majors and careers that will mix his creative side and his practical side. He thought about his current teachers and was more solid on the Photography or Graphic Design minor. That's also when he told me he would take a closer look at the business department on the tour. 

He might do something different than business along with his visual arts minor. But I talk about my management classes because I think it will help. The New York Times had an article in early February (2026) on the possible new Disney CEO. That was the person who later got the job. He started out majoring in sculpture, wanted to actually make a living, and transferred and switched to Marketing. I sent that article to a list of people including Zach and his Guidance Counselor. Zach had heard some stories about negative experiences working in Marketing and this was a positive story. It also was an outside link showing how other creative people choose to make a living through business. I actually always thought Management would be a better focus than Marketing for him, but he shut that idea down a while ago. 

The main thing I told him about these visits is to make sure he likes the school, campus, and can probably find a major in their offerings. At the bare bones basics we hope he won't have to transfer like I did. He needs to make these decisions for himself. But they are very hard and very important decisions to make. What career will fit his personality and needs, even when they conflict? 

Right now, Zach is undecided. Even when he was much younger our rules for a decision were that it had to be safe, legal, and age appropriate. I don't know how many jobs that crosses off the list but it's a good start. He's just so intelligent. Because of that, he has a lot of choices, and I hope he reaches his potential. 

Our Founding Mothers and Slaves

 I am a big fan of history. American history is messy, rich, and short and sweet at 250 years. But there is so much from the time of our founding never documented. Especially about the wives and key slaves of our founding fathers. Wives have always held influence over their husbands, even if they aren't given credit. Some slaves became close confidants of our founding fathers. There is no documentation on what they did. But here are my theories. 

George Washington's was so devoted to England. But he was not treated as an equal. Having been ignored and overlooked too many times is what drew him to join the continental congress. It's what drew him to lead us in the Revolutionary War and it's what made him want to be a part of molding the country we were to become. 

He never wanted political parties. You can even say Thomas Jefferson and Alexander Hamilton caused the problems we have today by creating parties. George Washington wanted Presidents to be elected by who they are and what they believe, not be party. If we had stuck to Washington's vision, we would be in a better place. He was guided by the basic question of "what is right? What is best for the majority?" But we wouldn't be there without the two people who influenced his thinking most. Martha Washington and his slave/valet Billy. 

Yes, he was a slave owner. I want to make this very clearly that slavery should never have been a thing in the first place. Washington was conflicted about slavery but, we were too new a nation to do something about it right away. The southern economy needed slaves to work. There never would have been enough support to even fight for freedom in the first place if they tried to end slavery when the country was being formed. It was an impossible question. How do the rich southerners stay rich without slaves? There was no answer at that point in time. This made the Civil War necessary but, we would still be second class citizens paying England to ignore and abuse us if we tried to end slavery in the beginning. Again, we don't get the support we need to become America if at that point in time we tried to end slavery. They wouldn't have motivation to fight England if we tried to take away their wealth. That mentality for formed the second the first slave arrived in America. That mentality carries with the southern racists of today.

In that time, a kid in a well-off southern family got a slave kid to serve them. Billy was given to George Washington. Throughout Washington's travels through battles, Billy was there. Washington trusted Billy. I suspect he asked Billy for advice when he was struggling with hard decisions. Billy knew him best and probably helped keep him pushing. Kept reminding George why they were in this. Billy was there so, he was able to help on a "I see it myself" level. Upon Washington's death, Billy was freed. Billy had been treated well by George when serving. We may have surrendered or lost the war if Billy wasn't there supporting George Washington when he was needed most. But we will never know. 

As for Martha Washington? A lot is made of those seven years George was at war. I saw a History Channel special on George Washington, and it said Martha visited him every weekend she could. Upon his death she burned their letters at his request. It is unknown if they loved each other. But I think they did. Do you really think she just arrived on base and did nothing? She too supported him, kept him fighting, and possibly even used her female mind to suggest battle plans the male mind might not have considered. Women and men do have a different approach to things. She was a mother to the troops and brave. How much of our success can be attributed to her? Betsy Ross may have sewn a flag. Sewing is what women of that time were supposed to do. But Martha was strong and intelligent! She will never be given credit for the role she played in keeping the fight alive until victory! But this country is not possible without her encouragement and advice with George needed it most. 

Martha Washington wasn't the only Martha helping our nation along. Martha Jefferson made Thomas Jefferson into someone else. When watching the History Channel special on Thomas Jefferson I kept thinking, "Thomas Jefferson was hypocrisy in human form!" His writings differed from his actions pretty much always. All of his best writing was done by him in Monticello...where Martha was. 

When I mentioned that at Thanksgiving some of the men said, "he plagiarized the Declaration of Independence". So, the idea that great ideas could come from a woman of that time was brushed off as "that can't be true". It wasn't fully plagiarized, and Jefferson wrote many more things that were not plagiarized at Monticello with Martha around. How else do you explain his writing being so contradictory to his actions? 

She wasn't even the only woman he turned to! Sally Hemings was the known slave/mistress of Thomas Jefferson. Long after his wife died, he was an ambassador to France. We could not have won the Revolutionary War without our ally, the French. That last battle in particular made France important to America. Sally brought his younger daughter to him in France. While she was there, their sexual relationship started. I have my theories on that too. 

Missing his wife's guidance, Sally was the only woman there. She was his wife's half-sister. His father-in-law also fathered a bunch of kids with a slave. When he died, that slave and their kids came to Monticello. They were all given what was considered cozy positions in the house including Sally. 

I suspect he turned to Sally as he used to turn to his wife. Only after that did the sexual relationship start. She got a room close to his at Monticello when they were home. I thought it was cruel that she wasn't at least freed upon his death. His only living daughter did free her after he died though. But, after all she endured, why didn't he free her? I think because he thought of her as his wife. There may have not been vows spoken. But you don't free a wife. He needed her. She filled the role Martha Jefferson had filled. She kept his written words great. 

These are two examples of founding fathers whose greatness would never have happened if it wasn't for the wives and slaves who will never get credit for the parts they played. How many other founding fathers have similar stories? How many other wives and close slaves do we owe gratitude to?

I think slave owners of that time were like bosses of today. Some were the dominate and abusive type seen in Roots. These are the bosses of today against unions, paid time off, fair pay in general, you get the idea. But I also think there were the slave owners who didn't pay their slaves but didn't harm their either. With George Washington when he learned a steward was abusing slaves, he fired the steward. He was more abusing to soldiers that abandoned the fight then he was to his slaves. The worst he did was use some slave teeth in his dentures. We don't know the complete story on how that came to be though. If there was a better way to restructure the southern economy, he would have done it. Perhaps Mary Todd Lincoln contributed to helping Abraham Lincoln with this issue decades later. 

                                                                    Martha Washington

I Speak English, Yo Hablo Español, Parlo Italiano

 Sometimes I have talked about my Great-Grandfather. He was Joe DiMaggio's tailor. Joe DiMaggio was known as a star Yankee player and for his fashion style. I get complimented on my taste a lot so, I credit Rocco's genes. But I didn't know much about my Great-Grandmother, Adeline. So, I asked my dad. They are my mom's grandparent's but, she died in February of 2024 so, asking her was not an option. 

My dad met Adeline twice. At my parent's wedding and she came to their first house for dinner once. In a previous post I talked about it. Rocco came to America from Italy when he was 17. The deal was he would marry Adeline and learn his father-in-law's trade. Adeline's chauvinist of a dad needed someone to pass the business down to. It wasn't a love match but, they had lots of kids so, they clearly enjoyed each other sometimes. On Rocco's deathbed he told Adeline he loved her for the first time. She called him a bastard and walked out. But the more stories I hear, the more I think they grew to love each other and just never actually said it. She was used to chauvinistic men and chauvinistic men don't share their feelings so, I think that was what took her off guard. Rocco clearly softened through time in America. When his own sons did not want to be tailors, he got them a trucking company. 

My dad said that Adeline hardly knew any English so, he didn't really know what to say to her. This never added up for me. My mom and her family lived with Rocco and Adeline for many years. I never remember my mom or grandma speaking Italian. Who ALSO lived with them for years? My mom's younger brother. So, I texted my uncle who lived with them until he was 8 years old. 

He said that the grandkids were strongly encouraged to speak English. Rocco, being in business, must have seen that this is the strongest path to success. My grandma spoke both English and Italian and apparently was the one writing to family in Italy. My mom didn't speak Italian but, mostly understood it because she knew Latin and French. 

I asked my uncle if Adeline's Dad knew Rocco's Dad from Italy. Yes, the families knew each other before so, the conversation in letters was probably along the lines of "hey, your son is about my daughter's age, does he want a future in America? He just has to marry Adeline, and I'll teach him to be a tailor". I also suspect the reason for this is because Adeline didn't have any brothers. It does make me wonder if I still have family in Italy. 

As I think about Rocco's story, I believe he came in what history calls the First Immigration, I think about all the racial profiling today. These days a browned skin person could get arrested and detained even if they are a law-abiding legal citizen just for speaking Spanish. Rocco saw back then what some Latinos are seeing now, in America you can remove barriers to success by speaking English. 

I am in agreement that immigrant criminals and illegally entered immigrants should be deported. But things go too far. People here legally and citizens are getting arrested and detained even when criminal activity is absent. Their lives are affected for doing nothing wrong. Because speaking Spanish is completely legal. 

Adeline clearly knew more English than she let my dad know about. My uncle said he would always tell her "I don't understand you, I don't speak Italian". Meaning she felt more comfortable with Italian but could speak enough English to communicate with her grandkids. How many Spanish speaking people are in her situation? We can't forget that most of us in America have ancestors that at one time were in the same situation as those today who speak English as a second language and not a primary language. 

I am doing Duolingo in 4 languages and have been for over a year:

Spanish - because I took 6 classes in it through the years so why not, it's important and I use it

Mandarin - Zach has taken it for 10 years and does it in Duo so it's a challenge and good bonding

French - Between Ballet and "pourquoi" being my first word, it makes sense. It's harder than you'd think

Italian - Ancestry, it's easy because of how much link Spanish it is. 

I say, embrace the multi-lingual! 

So, Who's The Democratic Leader? Trick Question.

The Democratic party currently does not have a leader. That's a good thing. Before I elaborate, I'll address the "wish list" of democrats that if any were worthy of being the leader the list wouldn't exist. But I have a "wish list" of my own. 

Current candidate "wish they had an open primary so this person could have run in 2024" list:

1. What about Senate Minority Leader, Chuck Shumer? Are you serious? He's too old for it, too established to bring the fresh ideas we need. We actually need to replace him as leader with Sen. Klobuchar. 

2. What about Rep. Hakeem Jefferies? We need him for speaker! He's a great person to go to for ideas on who should lead the party. But he is where he belongs, where we need him to be. 

3. What about Gavin Newsome and AOC? Have you seen how many registered democrats fled that party since 2020? That's the year we started catering to progressives like them. It's outright stupid to put the party in the hands of the very people chasing voters away! 

4. What about sensible moderates like Josh Shapiro, Andy Bashir, Gretchen Whitmer, Amy Klobuchar, and Pete Buttigieg? I generally like this list. Amy should be our new senate leader. But if any of them were the answer, we wouldn't still be looking for a leader. 

That brings me to my wish list:

1. We need someone between the ages of 40 and 60. Experienced enough to have seen and learned a lot, young enough to understand a larger swath of the country (kids as parents, adults as themselves, and seniors through their own parents)

2. We need someone focused on the issues that everyone faces. Look at the rising prices of things people need to buy to live, not the stock market or the GDP. You lose touch with voters when you are crunching those numbers instead of the same numbers they are crunching when doing a regular household budget. 

3. Someone who has a long list of what needs changing and a surgical approach to how to change it. The system that has worked since the 1940s doesn't work anymore. We need someone who will fix it, add to it, take away what is no longer needed, and isn't afraid to redefine how we think (like FDR did). 

4. A moderate that will listen to everyone and not minimize that legitimate concerns of everyone. The anti-everything and everyone part is noise, what are the real anxieties?

5. Someone who will change how the party thinks, change what our platform is. We need a new platform. We need new things to focus on and new ways to solve problems. We need someone who is strong and charismatic enough to be a proud democrat that is not in the most current mold of a democrat. 

Here are my top two choices:

Senator Ruben Gallego of Arizona

and

Senator Andy Kim of New Jersey

Both were originally in the house in the class of 2018. Sen. Gallego won in Arizona when Kamala lost by doing exactly what my wish list was. His people felt heard and understood. He did what we need to be able to do to get control again. He has ideas worth taking seriously. 

I have been following Andy Kim since that 2018 election. Being in my state, he flipped a red district no one thought could be flipped. The one democrat in that election we were less sure of. He did that, and continues to win, by doing what my wish list is. There is a picture of him cleaning up the capitol on the day after the Jan 6th insurrection. THIS is the leader the party needs! 

President Biden filled his cabinet and advisors with social diversity. Progressives loved it. Voters did not vote on their social standing they voted on their views. The next democratic president needs to fill their cabinet and advisors with location diversity. Represent as many states as possible among those who advise you. Because that is how you understand Ameria. 

Zach Behind The Wheel

 Zach is 16. He took the written driver's test at the end of Driver's Ed in the first marking period this past school year. He just finished 6 hours of behind-the-wheel classes, and his driving permit has arrived. In NJ, kids can get their permit at 16 after the written test and 6 hours with a driving instructor. Zach has completed that, and his driver's test is scheduled already for his birthday 2026. Until then, home with mommy includes driving with mom!

That part we did yesterday. I drove to an empty part of a mall parking lot, and we switched seats. He put on calming music with no need to touch it, adjusted everything since I'm 5' 2" and he's 5'11.5" and before we knew it, he was driving. He lasted for a while and did a great job of it. I am so proud of him. This year will have a bunch of small trips mostly to familiar places. 

I thought I would be nervous. I wasn't. My dad and I have reminisced a lot about when he taught me to drive. I tell Zach what my dad told me. He didn't ask to drive yesterday. I suggested it. He was nervous but relaxed as he did it a little. He hugged me after, grateful for the practice. We talked about places he can practice driving to. 

This is a big life-changing step. He's ready for this. He is a responsible and careful kid. It is scary for both of us but, it's also fun and important. Below is my dad's advice:

1. You can't really be good until you drive at least 100 hours. That takes years. 

2. Lots of small trips are better practice than long trips. 

3. Be prepared for the other drivers to do anything legal or not!

When I had my permit and was practicing parallel parking in front of the house the police officer that is now the highest cop in town (Chief) pulled next to the car and said with a smile "just putting the pressure on". His mom lived close, and he graduated from the town's high school with Josh's sister. 

The day Zach got his permit he was behind Josh when I told him it arrived in the mail and tapped him on the shoulder just to say "hi". Lots of cops in town know and like us. The school liaison officer can't get over how big Zach is. This is life.  

Democrats: Governor Today, 2026 Tomorrow!

 Thank you Trump for helping the NJ Democratic candidate win in November. Today here in NJ is Primary Day for electing our next Governor. The likely outcome from today will be Democrat Mikie Sherrill verses Republican Jack Citarelli. Citarelli has Trump's endorsement. Sherrill is a very moderate house member part of the 2018 blue wave. 

Trump no longer is simply impersonating a dictator. He is acting like a dictator and hoping no one will stop him. What will happen in 2028? He'll file to run for office and see what happens. Only a competitor can legally file a lawsuit claiming he doesn't qualify. But will that ruin the career of that candidate? If we are lucky, someone will exclusively run only to be able to sue to get him removed from the ballot. But all that takes time so how far into the election will that go? The wildcard .... will he turn off voters when he tries this?

Citarelli came close in 2021 to beating Gov. Murphy. But Biden was president then and we were iffy about the progressive friendly recovery act. Now? The only thing that can provide any protection from the worst of things is a democratic governor. NJ took too long to be called for Kamala in November. More people had flipped to Trump. Either ignoring the "he'll be a dictator" warnings or telling themselves he won't. But he's doing exactly what we were warning about. You are an idiot if you honestly thought he was serious about the "only for a day" part. This is a democratic country not a dictatorship so, he has limitations. Republicans fear challenging him. Democrats thrive in it.  

Virginia also has a primary for Governor soon. NJ and VA are seen as the midterm sneak peaks. Almost like movie trailers. The real thing to watch is what the voters like and don't like about the candidates. But this isn't the answer for flipping the house and/or senate next year. 

Something Trump is already worried about. He's asked Texas to gerrymander the house maps but, Texas republicans worry about losing their seats if that happens. Texas has some seats up for grabs. Apparently, deporting legal citizens without a trial because of their skin color isn't what people thought he was going for when talking about removing "illegals". 

We don't know the names of the democrats that will hold the power to return congressional control to the democrats. They are deeply buried in state houses in red states. They are 35 - 55 years old and have their own ways of understanding what their voters actually consider issues and a simpler way to solve those problems. They have their own ideas on how to campaign. They are the key to putting seats in play that currently aren't. We don't know their names yet, but we will. 

No matter which election we are talking about, people care less about minute details to how you plan to solve a problem than they do about knowing who you are. Mikie is a fighter. She was a Navy pilot and a prosecutor. She is a mother and great at focusing on the issues that impact the average person's everyday life. This is why she is the top candidate for today. We can relate to one or more of her experiences and she can relate to us. She shares our worries. the 2026 midterms and 2028 presidential race needs to be filled with candidates like that. It was Kamala's undoing, not knowing her. Not feeling like she knew and understood us. Too much time asking for money and not enough showing how she understands. 

Zach is 16 now. We have been watching Mr. Beat on YouTube and his "presidential elections in American History" series. Zach mentioned that he noticed for a while most candidates had military experience. There is something to be said for that. I used to hate that. I assumed everyone in the military was a republican. But I have found since 2016 that a lot more than I thought are actually democrats. Will a democratic veteran be our next president? It will be interesting to see. 

Democrats.... Remodeling Time

 I have spent the time since Trump's second inauguration thinking about what went wrong for Democrats and what we can do to win the 2026 midterms and the 2028 Presidency. I actually saw his win coming. In late October I called VP Harris's campaign. "We aren't seeing her fun side. Most voters aren't paying attention to all this policy. They are going to decide based on who looks less boring." Two days later she made her surprise SNL visit right before the election. 

Let's Fix the Party!

Problem: We campaign like voters are following politics closely, understand policy, and care about these things. The average voter is detached from political news. They don't really understand what government is doing. They blame government for their problems but don't understand what government is doing to help. They generally don't care. Just like high school, politics will always be a popularity contest where few care about the issues and instead ask themselves "who do I like more?"

Solution: We have to do both. Address the problems and how we will solve them. It will be easier to do this round but the next time a Democratic president is running for re-election we need to make a point of saying "the work isn't done let me continue to fix this problem that is better but still a problem". But we can't just come across as the serious and scolding professors. Bill Clinton played the saxophone, Obama played basketball. They showed their "regular guy" credentials. Clinton made kids want to play the saxophone, Obama felt like someone who might join your pickup game. George W was someone you could have a beer with. Biden also was seen riding his bike and generally capable of having fun. We lost touch of how out of touch voters are. 

Problem: The best thing for us was when Nancy Pelosi stepped aside, and Hakeem Jefferies became the Democratic house leader. I think she was a great leader for a while, she just stayed too long. Now, he's the best person to guide the entire party on how to change marketing, policies, and in general what to do. Shumer has been at this for too long and his approach is outdated. We don't need to rehash the same candidates we need new blood. New stars. New faces.

Solution: Start with making Amy Klobuchar the new Senate leader. She is younger but experienced in working with everyone. She is one of our best Senators and is someone Moderate Republicans can even get behind on some bills if she were to become Majority Leader. But we can't stop there. The future of the party is buried in the democrats who have won in red states. The Democrats in state legislatures who understand how to understand the voters we don't understand. These are who we should be talking to now and encouraging to run in 2026. These are the ones who should be advising our campaigns all over. Because voters think about the candidate that seems to understand them. We need candidates that can understand a large variety of experiences. The 2028 Democratic primary needs to have some of these faces. That includes Rep. Maxwell Frost D-FL among others. 

Problem: That brings me to our next problem. Identity politics. We listened too much to the progressives and lost track of the kitchen table issues that won us the house in 2018 and the Presidency in 2020. It became about cultural, racial, gender, and sexual identity as opposed to about our own non-complicated solution to rising prices. We need catchy slogans about preserving health care and making life more affordable. Abortion wasn't the winning topic we hoped because poll after poll showed inflation was the biggest concern. There is a progressive purity test to the "are you supportive of my issues" and a lot of people who couldn't meet that purity test just get tired of trying. Men's rights became a counter to the "me too" movement because men didn't know what was okay and what wasn't. Not all masculinity is toxic but, those purity tests made a lot of men feel like they couldn't do it right so, they went in the other direction.  

Solution: Stop catering to the extremely high bars of these purity tests. Address these issues but set the example for where a non-perfect but still respectful and supportive bar should be. You will never please extremists. They will never find that "perfectly aligned with me" candidate. But you can bring back those voters who abandoned the party because of those purity tests by focusing on candidate credentials and not on their gender, race, or anything else. Voters didn't vote on identity. What we need to focus on are the kitchen table issues. Instead of college debt forgiveness, we should have focused on universal preschool starting age 3. That is, putting preschool starting at age 3 in public schools. Like kindergarten is. We have a childcare crisis and a lot of parents, regardless of party have that need and can get behind this. It's a kitchen table issue that is a modified version of a progressive idea. Still addressing progressives but in a way with more broad appeal then just the college educated. Education starting younger leads to a better workforce later benefitting the country as a whole. 

Problem: For many years Republicans have been seen as stronger on the economy and immigration. DACA meant well. But it wasn't executed or described well, and it wasn't written preparing for all contingencies. It became an easy win for Republicans. We had a good immigration plan that Trump squashed, why wasn't that mentioned more on the campaign trail? We are seen as too immigrant friendly even though most of us support a mix of, add to border security but, also have resources to help those entering legally navigate the complicated immigration system. We don't talk about this enough. As for the economy, we keep talking about Raising taxes on the rich. Republicans talk about lowering taxes. Voters aren't hearing the "rich" part, they are hearing "Democrats raise taxes, Republicans lower them". 

Solution: For immigration we do need to address it in a way easy for the average person to understand. A plan on how to catch more people entering illegally while helping those entering legally. That requires a lot more boarder agents. We didn't hear Democrats say "hire more boarder agents" much in the election. That was a mistake. As for taxes, people hear "close the income gap" and are thinking they will be robbed by the government Robin Hood to help the poor. They start resenting and blaming the poor for things out of the poor's control. Ironically, most of the poor we tried to help vote Republican. So, new wording and a new method. "We need to make life cheaper". That's the catchphrase. Because that helps EVERYONE not just the poor. How? I don't know all the tools available so I can't mention anything specific. But it can't be through raising taxes (all people hear is taxes raised and not the rest of it). It can't be through caping executing income (because people just hear income cap and think it applies to them even if it doesn't). Finally, it can't be through regulation because businesses always find loopholes. However, seeking the advice of Democratic business owners on what to do here might be a good idea. Just word it under the impression that our "only half listening" society will only hear the key words but not the add on words like "rich" or "income above". 

In March of 2017 I did a similar piece and sent it to the DNC. They listened and 2018 happened. This will also be going to the DNC. We don't need to build from scratch, we just need to rediscover our roots. We need a remodel The biggest thing is how to market; it's time to hire young (under age 32) PR professionals and give their "new ways to sell it" a try. Rep. Maxwell Frost D-FL is the youngest Democrat in the house, he's a great place to start! 

Mid-Life Transitions

 I'm 44, I'm pretty sure what I am going through now is a healthy version of a mid-life transition. I also have a theory that would basically confirm this. We all go through mid-life transitions. It's not usually the stereotypical "sports car" kind of thing. When Josh was about 40, he seemed to have his. I asked my mom about what my dad's was like at that time. She said around 47 he decided to live a simpler life. It was more of a drastic and permanent life change than my dad thinks it was. 

That brings me to my theory. Nature has programed us humans to have a life span. Studies have shown genetics is connected to longevity more than outside factors. Barring something unforeseen like murder, early terminal illness, or accident, my theory is how long we will live is determined in the womb as our DNA is connecting. Just look at the family math to confirm. 

Dad, age 47, mid-life would mean he dies at age 94. His mom lived to age 87 and his dad lived to age 96 (almost 97). His eldest sister is around age 87 now. This isn't so far-fetched to say he can make 94. He'll be uncomfortable and a mixture of grumpy and happy. But he doesn't have the kind of health issues that would affect life span. 

My mom was 75 when she died. That meant her mid-life transition was at age 37. Now, I was 5 and my brother was 1 so we are useless in figuring out if that theory held up. I asked my dad, and he didn't remember any changes. That doesn't mean they didn't happen, just that she was good at keeping any mental battles inside. 75 matches the average life span for her family. 

If I'm right about Josh, he'll make 80. He has Hydrocephalies and they kept being wrong about predicting when he'll die. He's outlived all predicted ages. But his mom is 78 and his dad is almost 80. I don't know the average ages of death for his grandparents. I love my in-laws and hope they stick around a lot longer. 

Which brings me to my age 44 meaning I will die at 88. If you look at my mom's 75 and my dad's 94, 88 is an actual genetic possibility! It's worth documenting this now. I tend to have a creepy 6th sense about death so, I am curious if someone were to research this if my theory is correct. 

On to what makes me think I am in my mid-life transition:

My degree is in Dance. For many years, I would do dance and sometimes gym routines, one song for each activity. Some routines had a bunch of activities but usually I did the 6-activity type. I started that in High School, stopped when pregnant, and went back to it when Zach was about 1. 

I used to snap him in his highchair in the kitchen close to the living room at the condo and he'd watch me do my "mommy routines". Once, he wiggled a locked highchair to the side slightly and pulled a pop tart out of the pantry when I was turning as part of an exercise. Literally a few seconds and I look to see him bending over to take a bite of the pop tart. I still mathematically can't figure out how he did all of that in about 30 seconds. It's one of his favorite baby stories. 

I even did a blog post on these routines, "Zach's in school and Mommy Dances" when he started preschool. But I have fractured my foot a lot and decided to stick to walking only when he was around age 5. Starting in May, I had to do physical therapy for my back and knee. The therapist encouraged me to do the very things I used to do. So, I have created a bunch of new routines (4 things only per routine) and have been feeling good exercising every day. 

It's been 10 years since I have done these things. Creating these routines have been so good for me and I look forward to them! I feel about them like I did when I was in high school and locked the door to my bedroom doing these very things. In college I would go to an empty studio sometimes to do these routines. This is how I have controlled stress most of my life. 

I had thought the dancer part of me was in the past. I'm the cookbook-authoring and amateur horticulturist mom. But I have always been a mover. My mom said when she was pregnant with me, she would sit on the beach, and I would kick so hard you could see the outline of my foot. It's literally been the biggest part of my identity since I formed feet. Dance classes starting at age 5 (when my mom was mid-life) were really just feeding the part of me that has always been the biggest part of me. 

Feeding Family: From My Table To Yours: Schroeder, Fran, Schroeder, Zachary: 9798398614985: Amazon.com: Books

I think this is my mid-life transition because it's rediscovering the part of my identity that has been dormant. Like basically everything in my yard, it was always present, just dormant. Now it's free. I am free. It's ironic because the name Frances means "free". If you like astrology I'm a Virgo if that helps. 

Isn't that what a mid-life transition is, rethinking what you want your life to be? Freeing your mind to rediscover the past parts of you that are still inside of you? 

There is one thing that might prove me right about my mom having a mid-life transition at age 37. A favorite part of my childhood was our "girl nights". My mom would take me shopping. It usually was in August for back-to-school clothing. We got dinner out and spent a few hours just us. My parents were always great about making time to be alone with each of us. I think she started this when I was 5. 

Maybe she chose to do it because she was rethinking her life and decided she wanted to make time to be alone with all of us. Family was always the most important thing to her throughout her life. Doing this was clearly something she enjoyed as well.  

The Winter Yard

 I spend from Memorial Day weekend through right before Thanksgiving on upgrading my yard. I'm still waiting on some mulch and replacement walkway slates near the central air unit, due this week. But, for all intents and purposes, it's done..............or is it?

I had planned on timing my yard based on when things bloom. As some things in an area are in their glory, others are not. Even if they are still blooming. But I had assumed winter would be a time for dormancy. The things that should be bare, are bare. The perennials have been cut back to store energy. The ground spent several days frozen (it's thawed again but that's because nature can't make temperature decisions). I had assumed this would be the time for nothing to go on but changing the artificial flowers in the places I plant annuals. 

Perhaps there never is a time for true dormancy. I am still learning a few things. The 'Superform' Norway Maples were the last to lose all their leaves. As my camera turned to the trees, I realized I had mis-identified them. Previously, I thought they were 'Princeton Gold' Norway Maples. Through research I have corrected that error to 'Superform' Norway Maple. 

Will little plants left to observe, I find myself studying my Andromedas. In the back is a 'Prelude' Andromeda. It's not as interesting as the two in the front. See, those two have a story. I love it when the yard has a story!

We got them in August in what is matching plant beds. The are surrounded by alternating 'American Gold Rush' Black-Eyed-Susans and 'Dutch Master' Daffodils. I had THOUGHT they were the same species. After all, they looked the same. I THOUGHT they were BOTH 'Dorothy Wycoff' Andromedas.

Corner Andromeda Bed

Driveway Andromeda Bed

By mid-October the Andromeda by my neighbor's driveway was turning a little red. I had worried about the health of the Andromeda by the street corner when they no longer looked alike. The landscaper reassured me both were healthy. Their leaves droop and turn yellow as it gets colder for winter protection. 

Driveway Andromeda (see the reddening buds?)

Corner Andromeda (slightly reddening but not as much.)

But for a while they look like the picture below. That was taken 3 days ago. Worried, I ran to the nursery asking what's wrong. 

The Corner Andromeda

The Driveway Andromeda

It turns out, they are different species. Meet the 'Mountain Fire' Andromeda. placed in from of the 'Bloodgood' Japanese Maple that has red leaves during growing season. The red side of the yard. 

And the 'Dorothy Wycoff' Andromeda placed in front of the 'Green Mountain' Sugar Maple with its green leaves during growing season. The green side of the yard. 

To be fair, they did look identical when we first got them! Both are healthy. Doing what they are supposed to do in winter. This information has brought me peace! But those aren't the only things going on. 

Zach went with me on a yard tour two days ago. It had been too long, and my new Andromeda knowledge made me want to look around closely. It was nice to show him the perennials so he can keep an eye on them. the 'Intermedia' Forsythia is a hybrid species. If you look closely at the buds, some have green and some have red. All flowers will be yellow but, the leaves were mixed color. He thought that was cool. I showed him where the bulbs are so he can be on the lookout. I showed him how the Dwarf Alberta Spruce is almost at the gutter but won't touch it, it's basically full sized. We talked about how the Boxwoods are the most generic plant but, we need things that don't bloom or produce berries in addition to the other things. I showed him the red-leafed Azalea and the buds on it and talked about how it will turn green during growing season. 

But the part that interested him the most, On the 'Green Mountain' Sugar Maple, I showed him the ends of the branches. The ends are darker, where growth occurs during warmer weather. He didn't realize the tree worked like that. He asked for a spring yard tour in April to see the changes. 

I will be looking throughout the winter. My guess is that the yard will continue to hold surprises, new knowledge, and never really stop having something going on. 

Election 2024 Aftermath

 On Wednesday people kept checking in on me. I avoided the news too. I was in shock. It was like when Princess Diana died. I couldn't believe it was real. I focused on the good things going on:

1. Preparing our plans for what to do when after Thanksgiving to prepare for Christmas

2. Invite and plan our New Year's Eve dinner to celebrate Josh's birthday and Guiney Pig my in-laws for baked ham. I have never made it but have my mom's recipe. I'm making it for Easter and need to test things. The meal plan is similar to when my mom hosted New Year's Eve. 

3.  Zach's 1,110 on the PSAT score arrived yesterday. 

Basically, I focused on family. I also reflected. Last time he was president I can't blame all of our problems on him. I can blame almost all. But not the biggest one. That is no longer an issue. Last time we lived in the condo and had run out of space and had very nosy neighbors. Like, one said "I saw you on your couch the other day, what were you doing?" (answer: crocheting). Another would come sit on his still and watch my window whenever I walked by like I was a TV show. 

Now, we are in a house and have fabulous neighbors. My yard looks the way I want it, we have an irrigation system to make watering easier starting in the spring, and the inside looks great too! It's a significantly improved living situation! 

I started thinking about what Trump said and what the next few years will be like. Here are some thoughts. 

1. Biden has nothing to lose. Juice the supreme court and term limit kick out Thomas and Alito replacing them. Senate can help too now without the house. Trump-proof the country!

2. So, Trump won't pull off this dictator goal for one big reason. Even if republicans control both the House and Senate, he won't get the votes. Too many of them want to be president themselves and have been waiting him out. They won't give up their own ambitions. 

3. He's lazy. He told people what they wanted to hear but is only likely to actually follow through on things that benefit him, his kids, and his business. Last time he took the actions he thought he needed for re-election. This time he is lame and a lame-duck the entire time. He also isn't stupid and knows he might die of natural causes while in office. Being narcissistic, he's only going to pursue what benefits him. Other than that, it'll be all talk no action. 

4. Democrats are going to have an easier time in local races! 2018 repeat! 

5. Research has shown that what did it was the high grocery bills. Voters ignored that a large portion of the country got raises under Biden and that a lot of those costs were due to nature, outside war, and other factors no one in American can control. 

Inflation is coming down but still high. I did a post 4 years ago: For Democrats to Win, Progressive Have to Lose. Those bills passed early on in Biden's presidency to please Progressives; voters are openly blaming them for the high inflation and the high prices. The lesson that will save the democratic party is to take my advice. Moderate is what wins, don't cater to Progressives. Kamala tied herself by catering to progressives in winter of 2020. She never shook that.