Body Image and Me

It doesn't take a lot to realize I have low self esteme. I always have. Sometimes I like myself sometimes all I see is "not quite right". I just read this article:

http://www.lifescript.com/soul/self/well-being/10_ways_to_improve_your_body_image.aspx?utm_source=aol&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=soul&icid=maing-grid7%7Cmaing8%7Cdl12%7Csec3_lnk2%26pLid%3D172588

This is what the first thing says:

Write an “I Like Myself Because…” List

First, write down 10 things that you like about yourself without referring to your body or appearance in any way. Include things that you’re good at, or various ways you’re proud of yourself. Then, after this list is done, make another list of 10 things you like about your body and appearance. Depending on your level of self-loathing, this might be hard to do at first, but just do your best and add to the list later when you think of something else.

 

Here I go:

 

Good at and Proud of myself

 

1. Good Cook

2. Good at caring for those I love

3. Good at Decorating

4. Proud of my self for my cloths collection and getting it just right

5. Proud of my Parenting

6. Good at managing the home

7. Good at managing the finances

8. Proud of my Decorations

9. Good at Gardening

 

The only thing is my thinking while writing this is mostly luke warm. Yes I'm good at this stuff but there are always people a lot better then me at these things. It seems like whenever I talk to someone about something I'm good at they either are or know someone who is better at it then me. I don't truly feel accomplished at anything and even when I work very hard for something often feel like it's still not good enough.

 

Like About My Appearance

 

1. My eyes are pretty (big blue eyes I get lots of compliments)

2. I have nice legs

3. I like my thin fingers, it's the only thing on my that's still small (a 3 1/2 ring finger) I loved that about the eating disorder, shoking people with my small size

4. My thin arms

5. My thin neck

6. My size 6 feet that didn't even grow during pregnancy (it's actually one of the ways I try to talk my self out of that second child we can't afford, what if my feet grow?)

7. I like my thick hair

 

Nope. Not gonna be able to think of anything else. I can't get to 10. My hair is too dark, belly is too big, height is too short (petite bottoms are so hard to find basic nice ones sometimes). I have a big nose and as for my boobs.....that depends on the day sometimes I like them, sometime I even love them but a lot of the time I don't like them.

 

http://www.lifescript.com/quizzes/food_and_diet/do_you_have_an_eating_disorder.aspx

 

That link is for the eating disorder quiz. You do have to give personal contact info for the results though.

 

 

 How do you usually feel when you eat?

Out of control. I can't stop putting food in my mouth!

Guilty. What I'm eating will make me fat

.Happy. I know I'm fueling my body with the energy it needs.

Hungry. Even though there's a lot of food on my plate, I won't let myself finish it.

 

 How often do you think about food?

Whenever I get hungry, which is usually a few hours after my last meal.

All the time. My stomach's growling!

Constantly. I'm always on the lookout for opportunities to sneak away and eat.

Pretty much all day, but I try to control my eating habits nonetheless.

 

. Do you enjoy eating with your co-workers, friends or family?

No. It's hard to pretend that I'm eating when I'm not.

No. I'm too embarrassed to eat as much as I want when other people are looking on.

Absolutely. It's fun to share jokes and stories while enjoying a good meal.

It's alright. I feel self-conscious about how I eat, but I manage to make it through most meals anyway.

 

 You leave your house around 10 a.m. to run some errands. If you know you'll get back home around 2 p.m., what food do you bring?

Fat-free crackers and granola bars, which I eat for lunch.

I don't bring any food with me. Running errands gives me the perfect excuse to stop by my favorite fast-food restaurant, and I'll eat some donuts from the bakery as well.

Nothing. I ate lunch yesterday, so I won't eat it today.

I eat a healthy breakfast before I go and plan on eating lunch when I get back. But just in case I get hungry, I throw a protein bar in my purse.

 

How do you feel when you see a thin woman working out at the gym?

I'm happy that I'm skinnier than she is.

Jealous. I wish I could have her body!

Disgusted with myself. Maybe if I wasn't such a pig, then I would look like her too.

I admire her physique. She looks healthy and fit.

 

What best describes the amount of calories you consume?

If no one's around, I sometimes consume thousands of calories at one time, usually in the form of ice cream bars and chips. But it's no big deal because I can just throw it back up and it won't count.

I usually eat around 1,000 calories a day.

It depends on how hungry I am, but I usually eat three square meals and one or two small snacks.It fluctuates. Sometimes I'll eat a balanced meal, but I often skip meals if I'm feeling fat and eat a lot more if I feel I deserve a treat.

 

 Do you ever eat by yourself after returning from a social dinner?

No, I'm comfortably full when I come home.

Yes. I eat all the foods I was too embarrassed to eat in public: cheesecake, cookies and pasta.

I pick at some leftovers in the fridge but don't really feel satisfied.

Nope, the green salad I ate will hold me over.

 

. How do your pants fit?

They fit OK, but I'll never look as good in my jeans as Molly Sims does in hers.

Perfectly. I love how they flatter my butt.

I can barely squeeze into them, and buttoning them is so uncomfortable.

They're so loose that they won't stay up.

 

What are your energy levels like?

I never seem to have enough energy and get tired quickly.

My energy levels fall when I get depressed about the way I look.

I feel pretty good.

I frequently experience energy highs followed by fatigue.

 

 How often do you eat treats or junk food like cake or chips?

I'll have a special treat once or twice a week.

I try to eat healthfully in social settings, but I cave in on the weekends when I'm by myself.

I indulge myself in a junk food fest a few times a week and then make up for it by taking a laxative so I don't have to feel guilty about it.

Rarely. If I do eat a fattening food, I don't eat for the rest of the day.

 

Your Results:You suffer from bad body image and may be at risk for an eating disorder
You don't fall into a specific eating disorder category, but your bad body image and the guilt you feel when you eat may be causing psychological damage. Come to terms with your feelings about food before you sink into depression or develop a full-blown eating disorder. To raise your self-esteem, make a list of all the aspects you love about your body. Do you have soft hair, a flawless complexion or beautiful shoulders? Write it down! By focusing on what you love about your body, not on what you hate, you'll boost your self-image and learn to feel more confident. And once you accept yourself, don't worry about dieting - healthy eating habits will come naturally to you once you truly appreciate your body. If you've spent a lifetime hating how you look, don't expect to change overnight. Acceptance may come slowly, so keep working at it by emphasizing your good qualities, and it will come sooner. In the meantime, keep an eye on yourself and watch out for these symptoms:

The ones in purple apply to me:
Symptoms of a Bad Body Image
Although most people don't technically fall into a clear eating disorder category, many have an unhealthy view of their body and a negative relationship with food. Classic signs of suffering from a bad body image include:

• Constantly comparing yourself to thin models and celebrities
• Feeling ashamed of your body
• Having little rituals when it comes to food, like eating in secret or making a whole meal out of crackers
• Believing your life would improve if you could lose weight
• Attributing your failures to excess weight

If any of the above symptoms describe something that you're going through, seek professional help immediately. Your friends and family may be able to provide emotional support, but chances are they're not qualified to help you overcome your problem. Ask your primary care physician about a referral to a psychological counselor who can help you work through your problems.

(858) 481-1515
National Eating Disorder Referral and Information Center

(800) 931-2237
National Eating Disorders Association

(800) 994-9662
National Women's Health Information Center