Experiencing The Covid Vaccine

 On April 7th I had an appointment with my Psychologist. We talked a lot about my fears about getting the Covid Vaccine. I had already decided I was getting it. But, I was still afraid. Two hours after that phone appointment ended, I got an email. My doctor had gotten more of the Moderna vaccine in and I qualified to get it in their office. So, right away I made my appointments. The first appointment was for the very next morning and the second was for this past Thursday (May 6th). 

In early March I talked to my favorite Physician's Assistant (PA) at my doctor's office. I had decided to get it at the doctor's office because of my anxiety disorder. She went through my medical file. I have a lot of food and medications that are problems. But, I was unlikely to have an issue with Moderna. She said I would be watched for 30 minutes after. Right after making the appointment I asked my mom to join me. She would be a comforting distraction that might help me through it. 

On Thursday morning, April 8th I got the 1st shot. My favorite nurse for vaccines did it so that was comforting too. It was a drive through site at the doctor's office. We get the vaccine then parked nearby and waited. I was fine for a while. My mom and I talked. But, suddenly, I felt dizzy, disoriented, short of breath, headachy, my arm hurt a little, and blurry. So, I got out of the car and went to the lady in charge of directing people where to go. She took me inside where another PA I love checked my vitals and handed me a bottle of water. I was fine, it was a panic attack. After a while, I was ready to go. 

I must take a detour here. Why is it every time I have a panic attack someone hands me water? My whole life it's like the treatment for a panic attack is water. It's water, it has no healing powers. Yet, without fail, everyone just hands me water! It NEVER WORKS! But, I was told the water is a distraction that helps regulate breathing and THAT is what calms things down. Sure, tell yourself whatever you want on that one. 

Back to the story. Now, I am home and eating lunch. about an hour and a half after getting home things hit again. I called the doctor but, had to wait out another hour before a regular doctor, the one on my insurance card, can see me. Okay, but, WHY did I have that second attack? I wasn't thinking about the morning. I wasn't thinking about side effects. I was playing a city building came I love and thinking about that. Sometimes panic attacks hit from out of the blue. 

My vitals were normal again and the doctor for my second appointment asked what happened. I told him everything I did to prepare for the vaccine. That I knew I was afraid so I wanted to be prepared. 

1. Had a PA check my medical records and confirm I am safe to get it (Check)

2. Talked about it with my Psychologist. (Check)

3. Had someone I love with me to distract and comfort. (Check)

4. At a location I am comfortable in. (Check)

5. Taken care of (mostly) by people I have trusted for a long time. (Check)

6. I was prepared for basic side effects and they didn't concern me . (Check)

There was only one thing I could have done differently to have the day go better. Be on anxiety medication. I took Citalopram for a couple of years a long time ago. I get asked a lot about why I don't take medication for my anxiety. It's the side effects. I am afraid of the side effects. But, two massive panic attacks in one day did warrant filling a prescription and reading the label more. It was worth considering more carefully.

When Josh had brought home the medications I looked at the labels. Not the big scary insides with lots of frightening tiny words. Just the part on the bottle itself next to how much to take how often. It was a list of unusual things making the medication a definitive NO!!! When you are taking medicine to mess with your mind, the mind fights back. 

I decided that was IT! I saved the medications but, it anyone even vaguely TRIES to suggest I take it, the medications are going into the garbage and will no longer remain even a remote possibility! I have given proper warnings about that to the worst offenders and have the exception that doctors can simply ASK if I take anything for the purpose of accurate medical records but, cannot suggest I take it. 

Fast forward to Thursday May 6th for the 2nd shot. It went really well. My arm hurt and I had a moderate headache. But, they were what I had expected and not a big deal. The same was true for the following day. I didn't have any panic attacks that time even without medication. So, what changed?

1. I was scared. So, I called my Psychologist planning to just say out loud to his machine how I felt. I figured that just saying it out loud to my psychologist's voice I would feel better. But, he answered. So, we talked for a couple of minutes as my mom drove me to the appointment. 

2. I had experienced it before so I knew what to expect. 

3. I don't take any medication approved during the Trump administration. On his first day he signed an executive order making it easier for medication to get approved. Meaning, they are less safe. This vaccine was approved under Trump. But, in the few weeks between shots I realized that this would have been approved no matter who was president at the time. That made it easier to get. 

Zach will be 12 in early June. Last night the doctor's office sent an email, they have the vaccine for 12 and up! I tried to make an appointment for after his birthday. They didn't have appointments for those dates yet. Hopefully, they will get more in and I can make his appointments soon. We already confirmed from the same PA that he is safe to get the vaccine too. I am afraid that I won't be able to get him an appointment right away. I will vigilantly try. 

I am grateful I got the vaccine. Is it scary? For me, yes! But, that was temporary and the long term benefits far outweigh anything I went through. During that time Zach received his first HPV vaccine. Do you know that commercial with parents standing in front of their kids about Zach's age saying protectively "Not my kid!"? Yeah, that parent is me. Zach hates vaccines but, appreciated the benefits of them. Soon enough, I hope he'll be protected from Covid too!