The Not Happy New Year

 I have been handling this pandemic surprisingly well. Everyone knew I would crack. They just didn't know when. It turns out all it took was hearing "Happy New Year". A lot has happened. I had been able to be with my family but, not for the last two weeks. We had to stick to just the three of us. No, none of us have Covid. But, there is more to it then the last two weeks. 

2019 was a really horrible year. It was a long string of bad news that had a grand finally of a fall and December. The only positive in 2019 was my new car. But, Josh's twin died, Zach didn't make that travel team after having been on it a while, worst vacation at the Jersey shore ever (this year we went to my parent's house) and Josh broke his arm. So, last year right before new year's I was full of optimistic hope that 2020 would be better. 

Quite pathetically, 2020 was better then 2019. You read that right. 2019 was so bad for the family that the year of the pandemic was actually an improvement! But, it still has been full mostly of just bad. It has also been anxiety riddled. At least we have had things to celebrate in 2020. My parent's 50th wedding anniversary, my 40th birthday, and a big change to the hats for the hats and wraps collection that I am excited about. 

People are saying what we always say on December 30th. "I have hope that next year will be better then this one!" A current favorite saying is, "Next year has GOT to be better then this one!" After two back to back bad years. I strongly disagree.

Next year could very will be just as bad or worse. You can HOPE for a better year. But, expect it to stink worse then anything before. Personally, I'll call 2021 an okay year if nobody I love dies. It's a low bar but, it's the best I am offering 2021. 

I went into 2020 assuming the best. Silly rabbit. So, I am going into 2021 assuming the worst and open to being pleasantly surprised. In case it's not obvious, I am going through depression. I highly doubt I am alone in that. 

This year, my Christmas tree is already down. I am usually big on the 12 days are part of the Christmas season so the tree stays up until close to January 6th. This year, I just am so over Christmas. It was pretty. But, I need to move on. Decorating day is either tomorrow or Friday. I have to decide. But, the rest of the Christmas decorations go away then and I can move on. 

Zach has been my medicine through all of this. His hugs help my mood. Too many things being unpredictable and out of the routine we have developed since March are contributing to my depression. But, my Zachary, he's a constant that lights my heart. Returning to the routine will help too. The real difference maker will definitely be walking weather returning! 

No, it will not be a happy new year. I will not pretend it will be. Was it a good Christmas? No, but, it could have been worse. "Could have been worse." Yup, that's the closest to positive you are getting from me this year. I have zero hope next year will be better. I will not pretend that optimism will magically make it better. The best part of this Covid mess has been Zach doing all his school work at home. He hasn't been this healthy in years! See him for a minute between classes is a pleasure too!