Is God Still Listening?

I don't think I'll ever shake this desire for a second child. This is even after seeing parent friends juggle two kids. It doesn't help that the baby siblings of some of Zach's school friends all like it when I hold them. But I'm not the only one with this unshakable baby-brain.

Zach has been asking for a sibling. Yesterday he said "when can I have a baby brother or sister?" I told him "that's up to God. I don't know when". He was showing off his "big brother" skills about two hours ago. We were leaving the hill outside his school where the kids like to play. One friend, who's 3, ran down the sidewalk and just around the building. His Mom was juggling his baby sister and had trouble chasing him. I got to the boys first. Zach said "I chased after him to make sure he's okay". I thanked him for being so helpful. His friend's Mom was still holding the baby so when his friend ran away again, I picked him up as he ran away into the street and carried him to his Mom's car. Zach held on to my belt loop while crossing the street and stayed close to be safe.

I told him I was proud of him for being safe while I helped his friend's Mom. I didn't have to tell him what to do. He just knew what he needed to do to be safe. It's like he was trying to prove he'd be a good big brother. He's mentioned a baby sister (yes, sister) even when we haven't been talking about another baby. He's declared a different friend's sister the kind of sister he wants. We told him it's up to God. I wonder if he's asking God for a little brother or sister. Just yesterday he asked me how to pray.

One thing that has been on my mind is what would another child be like? Zach is LITERALLY everything we always wanted. Clearly, God was listening. God listened when I was in High School wondering if any boy would ever want me and fearing I would be forever single. Deep in my heart I knew I wanted to get it right the first time I just didn't think that would be realistic from a first boyfriend OR from a High School boyfriend. God listened, and blessed me with Josh. As painful as those three miscarriages were both physically and mentally, I often wonder if God was waiting for us to conceive the baby we have deep in our hearts always wanted. I wanted a June baby but when we were trying to get pregnant I realistically modified that to be "I hope we don't get a Christmas or Leap Day baby!" Zach is a June baby. Does God LISTEN to what's deep in our hearts, or does He CREATE what's deep in our hearts?

Since Zach is what we wanted before, what would we hope for next time?

Pregnant With Zach List:
My blue eyes
Josh's dimple
Empathetic
Happy
Healthy
Good at sharing
Loves the outdoors
Active
Good eater
Good sleeper
Curious
Physical strength

We each though of the negative traits we have that we wouldn't mind him having. After all, no one is perfect. I can't remember most of them but I DO remember the one he clearly got from me, trouble listening. All of my old report cards say somewhere that I am a "pleasure to have in class" but they also include either "easily distracted" or "has trouble following directions". I still stink at giving directions. Some things never change. We would have loved him no matter what but it's something all expecting parents do, think about what their future child will be like.

With Zach's recent requests I wonder if God is listening to him and what HE wants in a little sibling deep in his heart. Our list would basically be the same. Everyone has their own personality. Deep down I could care less if one kid is addicted to soccer and the other is addicted to baseball. It doesn't matter, it's outdoor activity and in the end THAT'S what's important to me. I LOVE that Zach loves to help me garden, cook, and decorate. He is doing more in his own garden without my help and it makes me so proud. I'm not surprised by his interest in cooking. As a brand new newborn he figured out where we mixed his bottles and needed to hear us making them. Even before he could roll over. THAT's why I can't think of how I would change that list. These are basic things but they aren't specific. Did I wish he didn't like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Yes, BUT it's all about HOW it's in his life and influencing him.

Safe
Legal
Age Appropriate

That has always been our reference for his toys and activities. If his interest fits all three requirements, then I don't mind. These guidelines help me set boundaries without crushing his individuality.

When you hold your baby in your arms for the first time you have no idea about the things they will be instinctively drawn to. We learn about who our kids are as they experience new things. As I learned from my Winter hobby search, we don't control what we like. You can't control your strengths and weaknesses. Parents can introduce their kids to different things but we have to control over what they are good at and what they like. But it is important to introduce new experiences and see how your child responds.

We would love another child no matter what. So the list for a second child would look the same but without the part about my blue eyes and Josh's dimple. My breath caught when I first laid eyes on Zach. It took forever after he was out for them to put him in my arms. Learning who he is could wait. All I really wanted in that moment was to see what he looked like.

Empathetic
Happy
Healthy
Good at sharing
Loves the outdoors
Active
Good eater
Good sleeper
Curious
Physical strength

Zach's Wish List (from him):

Zach: "I want his skin to be black"
Me: "Honey, that's not possible for us"
Zach: "ok"

Zach's new list:
Sitting still when watching a movie
Following directions
Can share their toys
eating good and drinking good milk
I don't want them to yell at us
Don't smash their toys when you hand them to them
Make sure they don't break the decorations

Me: "Do a sister or brother?"
Zach: "A SISTER" (said with a definitive tone)

Is God still listening to what's deep in our hearts? Does God see the look Josh gives me when a little girl gives him a big smile? Does God hear Zach asking for a little sister and see how good he acts around babies and smaller kids? I think God CREATES these feeling we have deep in our hearts. I don't know why He does it. In the meantime, it's important that we continue to thank him for the blessings in our lives. For me, that list includes everything I have always TRULY wanted..........deep in my heart.