What Do You See?

What do you see when you look at a person? That depends on how well you know them. If you know someone well, you see their character. You see their actions and how that represents their character. Here's and example: someone who knows me well will see me working in the garden and think "loving and caring". Once we know someone well we see past their appearance when we look at them and focus on their personality.

But when it comes to strangers and people we just met we focus on their appearance. This is where social stereotypes come in. We are more likely to think positively of a thin person then a fat person. We are more likely to look at a thin person and think "he/she must take good care of themselves".

When looking at a stranger or someone you just met who is fat we are more likely to think that they DON'T take care of themselves. We assume they have made a lot of bad choices and their weight could have been prevented. We assume a "simple" lifestyle change to diet and exercise will "fix" their problems.

If a stranger were to look at me and try to guess my diet they would be very wrong. I mostly eat healthy and I get a lot of exercise. I have planned my meals with a Nutritionist and don't eat large portions. My blood pressure issues are directly connected to a stressful time in my life. Even a person at a healthy weight would have high blood pressure with the stress we have been through recently.

September 2012. Only 5 pounds thinner. I can't find an updated picture of myself.

I am currently 5' 3" and 141lbs (I lost 4 pounds apparently. I just weighed myself). I'm not obese but I am fat. When we talk about "fat acceptance" we are really talking about multiple things. We are talking about looking past a person's size and focusing on their character. We are talking about not assuming someone is unhealthy just because they are fat. We are talking about finding something beautiful about EVERYONE so we can all feel beautiful or handsome.

There is nothing wrong with loving your body no matter what size you are. You can still love your body and realize you need to change some lifestyle habits. It's not okay to hate someone just because you think they are fat. Those who do are simply masking their own insecurities to help themselves feel better. Like bullies do. In some cases, the person being seen as fat is actually a healthy weight.

Sometimes being overweight or obese DOES lead to health issues but not always. Studies have shown that underweight and even healthy weight people can have those same problems too. A thin person who doesn't eat healthy and/or exercise that much is less healthy then an overweight person who DOES eat healthy and exercise enough. Eating disorders in both directions put a strain on the body especially the heart.

http://healthland.time.com/2012/09/05/can-you-be-fat-and-fit-or-thin-and-unhealthy/

What the "fat acceptance" movement is really doing is saying "stop judging me on my appearance". A first impression is often wrong. When we look at a fat person we think of the food they must eat. Sometimes we are wrong and sometimes we are right. We shouldn't judge either way. We use these initial visual impressions to decide if we want to get to know a person or not. What would happen if we focused on things that might lead to a connection? A connection is formed on similar interests. How can we tell just by looking at someone if we might have a similar interest? Look for anything that you have in common and can use as a conversation starter.

Are they smiling?

What are they doing, do I do that too? (if they look like they are working leave them alone)

Do they look relaxed or tense?
(relaxed means probably friendly tense means might need a joke to relieve stress)

Are they wearing a lot of a color I like?

Are they carrying a shopping bag for a favorite store?

Are they wearing a logo to a place or team I like?

Did they offer to help someone?
(aka hold the door open, not let it slam in someone's face without and apology).


Food for thought: Sometimes people get overweight from emotional eating. Sometimes diet changes fail because of lack of support. Instead of judging someone for being fat you should try to befriend them. In most of those diet success stories we are surrounded with, the person doing the diet has a lot of support. Judging a stranger and joking about what they probably eat isn't doing anyone any good. If you're so concerned about their health, become their friend and offer support.

Even if it sounds like they have people to support them, those people might not be good at it. And that might be the real source of their problem. Because someone who says "good for you for ordering a salad for lunch" then orders a hamburger and fries is NOT being supportive. Support is ordering healthy food too so the dieter doesn't feel isolated ("Why can she have that and I can't?").

But we are all beautiful and there is nothing wrong with a fat person thinking they are beautiful. That should be encouraged. Health isn't about what the scale says. It's about eating right and getting enough exercise. But big habit changes can't happen without others close to the dieter making the same changes too. Accept that some people do live healthy lives. When you look at a stranger in the street, what do you see?