We have had a draining week. Last weekend Zach had a fever. He went to the Doctor but it was just a cold. He was healthy all week but Josh was sick all week. I took care of both of them. After a week of caring for others, I had a cold mixed with allergies this weekend. This past Friday Zach and I both started having allergy issues so I gave him some Claritin. Children's Claritin is supposed to be 1 tsp for 24 hours. I soften it by doing 1/2 a tsp every 12 hours. Zach developed a fever again but Pedia Care took care of that.
My allergies were trickier. With my blood pressure medicine I have to be careful about any other medicine I take. I left a message in the morning at my Doctor's Prescription phone line but it took almost all day to hear back. A day full of misery followed by "you can take your Claritin D 12 hour like usual". I suffered patiently and powerlessly while waiting to hear what medication will help me feel better without causing a heart attack. I find that allergy medicine takes about two days to really make you feel better. That meant three days of suffering. We are expected to handle the times we are powerless with patience.
We feel powerless when we are sick and it feels like we'll never be healthy again
We feel powerless when a loved one is sick and we can't make them healthy
We feel powerless when Winter is stubborn and the patience for Spring has worn out
We feel powerless when there is something we need but can't get it without help
Patience has it's limits. Patience is a positive thing but it can't be maintained forever. Eventually, we become impatient and feel powerless when we can't get what we have been so patient about. Spring. We have been so very patient about the coming of Spring. We sat through near record cold and near record levels of snow all without a break. Then Spring weather started to come and it became officially Spring.
But we still have to wait. Winter is returning for four days and bringing more snow with it. We are getting more of that snow that was piled so high some of it from a month ago STILL hasn't melted. It's been four months of coats. Our patience for the cold has worn out.
We still have to wait for nurseries to get in their soil and Pansies. They delayed ordering them to let the snow melt. I have been saving the big soil purchases I need to make for two small - business nurseries I often shop at. When Home Depot got their Pansies in on Friday I was only able to buy them because of soil left over from last year.
We say "support small businesses" but in this case that's becoming a stressor for me. The large chain of Home Depot has the soil I need..........NOW. No more patience necessary. It would be so much easier to just go get what I need. But I will continue to wait. Wait past the snow on Tuesday and a Doctor's appointment on Wednesday in hopes I can finally buy my soil, and more Pansies, on Thursday.
I no longer have patience for the cold and the snow. I can't wait anymore to have flowers in my garden. I can't wait anymore for it to be warm enough for me to be able to sit outside for a while. Fresh air is the key to happiness but the few nice days we have had have also been windy. It shouldn't be asking too much to want to read a magazine outside. Even at 58 degrees yesterday it was too windy to do even that.
But I am powerless. I can't warm the temperatures up. I can't bring the soil and Pansies to my local nurseries. I can't change the coming snow into rain. I also can't be calm and patient about Spring not being here yet. I'm tired of bundling up. I feel like I am being robbed of precious warm days that don't require more then a long sleeve shirt and a denim jacket. The longer it takes to warm up, the shorter the warm season will be. I used to remind myself that it won't always be like this. I don't believe that anymore. Perhaps they should name it something different then Global "WARMING".
Other then the need to feel better and the frustrating inability to garden there are other things that I am powerless about. We all have things that make us feel powerless and after a long time patience does run out. What happens when patience runs out but you don't have to power to end the wait? That answer is different for all of us. The usual suggestions are "meditate", "go for a walk", "distract yourself", "pamper yourself", and "do something you DO have power over". I have tried all of those things. Most of them I have tried a lot this week. None have worked. Now what?
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