I got invited to a Baby Shower a couple of days ago. I also will be taking a pregnancy test on Sunday. Zach has heard Josh and I talking about both. The Baby Shower is for a family friend and the pregnancy test is just a precaution. I'm on Lo Loestrin. It's great for my extreme mood swings from Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD previous post). I haven't had a period since April. Usually, I am great at taking the pill but this month I forgot three times. One was the day before.....well........lets just leave it at the day before. And it was what would be ovulation week. With a lack of a period I feel like it's good to be sure.
But Zach heard and asked a few questions. The first was, "what's pregnant?" I decided to show him. He was high risk so there are a lot of ultrasound pictures. I showed him the ultrasound pictures and explained to him how big he really was about in them (showing him with my fingers and hands). I also showed him all my pregnancy belly pictures and explained that as my belly got bigger he was getting bigger. He asked how babies are made so I told him, "a Mommy has an egg and a Daddy has a sperm. The sperm wiggles into the egg and that makes a baby." I'm just lucky he didn't ask how the sperm got there.
When he said, "why did you want me?" I gave him an honest answer. I told him, "Daddy and I have always loved kids and we always wanted kids of our own. We asked God for an adorable, intelligent, fun, happy, and healthy child and God gave us you. You are literally everything we always wanted". I decided to tell him that it took us two years to get pregnant with him but I lost three babies. I told him that I missed them but they didn't stay in my belly that long and weren't going to make it. They weren't meant to be born. That's when I told him what a miracle he is.
I might miscarry again so I wanted him to understand how precious his life is and what's going on if I do. He's seen the dollar tree pregnancy tests a couple times since April (never pregnant but a good sanity thing). He'll know right away if I'm pregnant. It would be high risk and that means I would have to change some things early on. He should know why Mommy can't pick him up anymore and why we suddenly are only eating breaded chicken (a huge early pregnancy craving with him). He also should know if I were to miscarry what's going on.
If you delay the hard conversations then stumble through them awkwardly as teenagers your kids won't feel like they can ask you important questions about these things. By being this open and honest now I'm establishing a relationship where he feels he can talk to us about the hard things and get real answers. I told his teacher about our sex talk in case he tells friends and the school gets a phone call from a parent. She says I handled it the right way.
He's been asking for a brother and sister the last two days. Sometimes, he wants a real brother or sister and sometimes he likes pretending his cabbage patch dolls are his brother and sister (previous posts). I have been focusing on long term garden planning including a way to garden next winter for sanity sake.
I'd still love another but we still have no idea when we'll be able to afford it. I don't want to be older then 35 when I have a second but God's in charge of that one. It's silly but I still take my cues from the Hyacinths since they worked so well with Zach (got pregnant with him finally the day I planted my last ones). The buds are pretty far out of the ground on warm days but on cold days they go down a little, except for two, one Hyacinth and one Tulip. Those two haven't moved. Supposedly, being exposed to this much cold will kill them. The others are slightly browned on their tips but those two remain perfect. One day in the 50s last week you could even see the buds from a surprising distance away, you can't now, except those two. It's been interesting observing my garden again. I've missed it. I even am changing something. I planted Pachysandra in an L shape but the upstairs neighbor, Paula, isn't that crazy about the shape. We agreed on a small modification originally but it gets too much light over there anyway so I ran this idea by her:
Daffodil Day lily Daffodil Day lily Daffodil
The day lilies will be Stella D'oros which are yellow ones I previously posted pictures of. I'm planting some in front of our other neighbor's window (they both said yes) so why not. Yellow Daffodils are pretty and Paula has previously suggested them as a possibility.
You'll see the overlap in my charts but the Daffodils bloom March - May and the Daylilies are mostly Summer and Fall so there will only be a small transition time. Mid-October - March will be just dirt but it was always just dirt until this year and frankly, the Pachysandra in that spot doesn't look good. I planned to buy some to fill holes anyway so the Pachysandra plants that are still good will be moved to the Vertical part of the L that we are keeping as filler.
Gardening really is a great distraction. I stopped thinking of a second kid when the buds were out enough to see from the picture window and distract myself by constantly looking out for them. Throwing myself into garden planning and research helps and a big deal was getting my flowerpots from K-Mart yesterday (Target gets them at the end of the month). It'll be interesting if I am pregnant. I have no idea how I forgot those three pills (not in the same week just one a week), Oddly, Sunday is the day I make a Valentine's turkey dinner for my family. I might be roasting two turkeys at the same time. Not the kind of multi-tasking I had in mind. Here is my new garden layout. As a visual person I can see the beauty just looking at these charts. I hope you can too. I'm borrowing my Mom's old labtop as mine gets fixed so it didn't let me cut and paste like usual. I made a PDF file just open the link to see it.
https://workspaces.acrobat.com/?d=oMUzu2tbTCpjPPAjmFDrEw
Pregnancy Test Results: Not Pregnant Yes I'm disappointed even though it would have been bad for our finances.
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