The Climb That Changed Everything

On Friday's Zach usually chills with his Pop Tart and Special K cereal in front of the TV while I sleep a little more. He likes this quite time and I like that he's capable and trustworthy enough for us to do that. He doesn't have school on Fridays so it's take-our time day. But that's when he wakes up before 8:00. Last Friday he woke up after 8:00 then ordered me back to bed. It was only when things were a little too quite for a little too long (OK 8 minutes after I went back to bed) that I checked on him. He had stacked his stools so he could climb on the counter to get his own breakfast completely by himself. I stood behind him and let him get everything himself and then we had a talk. I explained that it's not safe to do that without someone standing behind him so we reached a deal.

1. He can use a chair instead of stacked stools
2. Either Mommy or Daddy has to be right behind him
3. Only on days he doesn't have school

He will loose this freedom if he doesn't follow all of those. Then it came out he's done it once before. On the Sunday before Valentine's Day I spent the day making a nice family dinner at my parent's house. Zach did this at snack time when Josh fell asleep on the couch that day. I try not to think of my baby with a highish fall landing on slate tiles!!! Luckily, I don't have to.

But that made me think of other new things we've allowed him to have. On January 1st, Decorating Day, he was helping me decorate and asked for his own decorations. We cleared a shelf on his level and found enough spares in the garage for him for each month. It's his completely. He decides when he's ready to change to the next month and he decides how they are arranged on the shelf.

So last Saturday I had an idea. He's always loved helping me garden and last year we got him small pots and Begonias. I was at the Nursery in July asking some care questions and he asked for his own. In the Fall he collected four Mums at various times that were all his. So the Tulips in front on the Forsythia are now his and we let him get his own flower pots. Four are dark green two are lime green. They are 9" and the same type just different colors. We also pulled out the three 3" from last year's Begonias and a 5" I can't use. Al have been labeled as his. He's responsible for planting and watering with my guidance (planting with Daddy's help since I'll have my own planting to do). For now, I'll do the tending with him watching and when he's ready we'll get him his own shears. I'll teach him about garden planning as we go along so he can learn about why certain layouts won't work. Here's the plan:

1. I get my Pansies in March. He'll put his Pansies in the 3" pots. He really is excited about this and asked to get Pansies too so it's fully his choice.

2. In April I get the Daisies, White Begonias, and Marigolds. At that time he can get one set of any flower he likes that works in Full Sun. Some are in sets of 3 (Begonias) some in sets of 4 (Marigolds). He doesn't have to choose any flower that I get but whatever he gets will go in the 9" pots.

3. In September I get the pumpkings, one Mum, and two Asters. I do my big Mum shopping in early October. He'll use the 9" pots but we'll have him choose what to set aside for October based on availability. He can get a Medium Mum or Aster at that time as well as 3 pumpkins of either small or mini sizes.

4. When the bulbs come in he can get 5 of any bulb he wants and choose where to plant them with my guidance to keep in mind the Pansies and April flowers.

5. In October he can get as many Mums as available 9" pots.

6. Later in October I get the Winter Pansies and Cabbage. That's when he can get his own Winter Pansy for the 5" Pot (they come singly in bigger cups then the Spring version. In Spring they come in a set of 3).

Yesterday, he needed a new pair of shoes. The insides were bothering his feet. I usually just buy the next size up and when the current ones are too small bring out the bigger ones. This time, I decided he needed to choose his own pair and make sure they fit right. My original plan was JC Penny as usual. I'll go $30 - $40 normally but $50 for New Balance since they are awesome and the most comfortable sneakers. My Mom, who offered to pay for them, wanted him properly sized at Stride Rite. Stride Rite runs big so his new pair is an 11 still that he'll be in for a really long time (according to the sales lady). He loves them.

I'm used to making most of these choices for him. I ask what shirt he wants to wear at home but I'm the one choosing them in the store and he's never complained. Actually, a favorite activity is to put on as many shirts as he can. In September he choose this Orange hoodie he likes (he wanted it, he needed one, it was under the budget we had for it).

Usually, he lets me decide. But it's time for me to step back and let him make these choices. In the process, I'll learn a lot about him. There comes a time when every parent has to do this. If you wait too long, it can have negative developmental effects. If you do it too soon, it can effect your relationship, But if you get it just right, your relationship gets stronger and your child matures. With the OCD it will be hard for me to step back if I would do something different or choose a different thing. But, as long as the choice is safe, fits right (if applicable) and age appropriate, there isn't anything wrong with it. He doesn't run the house but he's learning about choices and is becoming more capabe. And it all started with a climb that changed everything.