What is Beauty?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vivian-diller-phd/body-image_b_2207223.html

Today I read that article. Vivian Diller is one of my favorite bloggers on HP and this article really got me thinking. It talks about women's changing bodies starting in adolescence. I have been noticing changes in myself the last few years and it made me ask myself: What is beauty, really?

The answer will be different for everyone. No one is wrong. "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is mostly true. However, there are some things few would find beautiful. If you have yellow, crooked, and missing teeth very few people would call that beautiful.

I think the guidelines most people use when determining beauty start with "takes care of themself". Looking and being healthy are the two basic requirements I think most people have when determining beauty. When listing what you consider beautiful, a lot of that is a result of being healthy. At least that's my definition of beauty......healthy.

How women define beauty in men tend to be different then in women. I can't speak for every woman but it seems like beauty for men refers to things like "a sex smile" or their eye color. But when a woman is saying what makes a woman beautiful it's funny how different the answers can be. The first option usually amounts to unrealistically thin with no sign of aging. The second option is more my definition, and the third is "big is beautiful". It's telling that women tend to define beauty based on their views of their own appearance.

I don't know for sure what the average man's definition of beauty is but I think it varies. When a man thinks of beauty in another man he says "tall and strong". For women, some men would say the superficial "like a model" but I think the average man finds a large variety to what they consider beauty. Because it all amounts to how comfortable a woman is with herself. I have read a lot of guy-written articles that say as much and see that with all the men in our family.

We women should start taking those men seriously when we think of beauty. Be confident in yourself. If you're healthy, you're beautiful. If you smile a lot, you are beautiful. Self-confidence is sexy. And so is intelligence.

Is beauty a size 0?
Is beauty a certain hair color without grays?
Is beauty a face without wrinkles?
Is beauty muscular?
Is beauty a certain eye color but no glasses?

It seems to me for women we think of beauty requiring three things, thin (with various definitions of what that is), a lack of wrinkles and no grays. That also apparently requires at least some makeup. That's why makeover shows make me sad. They soften things by saying "you are beautiful we just want to bring out your best features" but it looks a lot like "to be beautiful you have to wear makeup and dye your hair."

I don't wear makeup. I dyed my hair for fun a few times in college but had my natural look by my wedding. I won't be dying it again. I don't use anti-aging products with the exception of my body wash and that's because it smells nice and is a nice moisturizer, I haven't noticed a reduction in wrinkles. Then again, I'm 32 there aren't many wrinkles yet. Weight will always be my battle. I will never be thin enough to be happy. I was 98lbs. on my wedding day because it was my goal to be under 100lbs. I am working with my doctor as of today on the diet and he said the goal should be 120lbs but I doubt I'll be happy unless I ever reach a size 6 again. But I still think I'm beautiful and sexy. Josh agrees almost daily. I call myself  "fat" all the time.  I'm 5' 3" 132lbs still healthy but high. But I am not plain or ugly. I'm sure some people do think I'm plain or ugly. That's just by their definition.

I have a few wrinkles, around my mouth and eyes, I smile a lot and that's what people see, someone who is frequently happy. I got my first gray hair at 27 and found a new one yesterday. My mom had a lot of grays at my age, it's hereditary. Because of that I'm proud of my grays. They remind me of other traits I have inherited from family members, like my Dad's mothers quirkiness. It's how God wants the women in my family to look.

If you are a healthy weight and look healthy all around then you are beautiful to me. Do you brush your hair every day? Do you brush your teeth every day? Do you bathe? If you are taking care of the basics for hygiene as well as exercising and eating well, you are beautiful.

To me, it's like you lie about what you actually look like when you style your hair, dye your hair, and put makeup on every day. If you don't feel like yourself without makeup then you are lying about what you really look like. And most likely you are beautiful without all that.

But if you need the hair stuff, the makeup, and the anti-aging stuff to feel beautiful then go for it. You are beautiful either way. Just don't do it so others will think you're beautiful because they don't matter. Do whatever you think you need to do to be beautiful. Because your definition might be different then mine. But if it leads to an eating disorder, an addiction to plastic surgery or an addiction to other anti-aging things, see a Psychologist because that is an unhealthy definition of beauty. The most important part of beauty is health.

That's one example of what makes individuality a great thing, we all have different definitions of things like beauty. Are they influenced by the media and celebrities? Yes. Even if we call that look unattainable or unrealistic we are using them as a reference for what beauty should be. Are we influenced by these "professionals" on makeover shows? A lot of us are. I used to be influenced by What Not To Wear on TLC but stopped when they seemed to not have a realistic view of what Stay at Home Moms of small kids should wear. I stopped listening when they made fun of denim shorts, light colored jeans, sneakers for use other then exercise, and the denim jacket with jeans look. To me, a denim jacket is a jacket, not a blazer. It's for warmth when the weather is in the 50s. You put it on before going outdoors then take it off inside. It's not an accessory or part of the outfit. If I happen to be in jeans, so what. My clothing and shoe references for reasonable to wear are:

1. no holes
2. no rips
3. no stains
4. not dirty
5. fits right

If Stacy and Clinton think I need a makeover because I don't dye my hair, I don't wear makeup, I almost always wear jeans, I only wear solid colors most with high necks, and I don't have my ears pierced, then that's their problem, not mine. I dare Stacy to be a Mom for a day in what they think Mom's of 3 year olds should wear. At least if I ever went on their show I might get an entertaining response out of my seasonal wardrobes. But I would turn down that gift card, I like how I look, I'm beautiful.

As you walk around, it doesn't matter your gender, really look at the people you see. Are they beautiful? Do you find yourself changing your definition of beautiful after taking the time to really look? That answer will be different for everyone too. If you are single and dating keep this in mind, don't date anyone that doesn't find you beautiful just as you are. As the guys would say "you are healthy and self-confident so you are beautiful". To end this I'll share my thoughts as I headed out the door to get Zach from school this afternoon..."Warm enough for my denim jacket." and once it was on "where are my keys? oh good there they are".