We Don't Know.....Revisited

Zach is curious. By answering his questions he has become very smart and even more curious. Over a year ago I did a post titled "We Don't Know". When Zach first started speaking in sentences this was his favorite. Josh and I never did figure out what he thought we didn't know. Sometimes when he asks a question now I find myself saying "I don't know but we should ask (insert name/professional)." I do that to teach him how to get answers. I'm curious too and ask all sorts of odd questions in the quest to answer them. Here are a few things Zach has asked/said that we had trouble with lately.

"Sheldon doesn't like sex but Penny really likes sex":
We were watching The Big Bang Theory when this one popped out. Sex wasn't even in the scene we were watching or the one before it. He doesn't know what sex is so our answer was "you're right". Sex is unavoidable in today's world. I want him to feel comfortable talking about sex with us when he's older and these conversations mean more. Kids who regularly have casual conversations with their parents about sex are less likely to have it. The bigger a deal you make of the sex talk and the less often you have it the more likely your teen is to have sex. There are a lot of studies to prove that. For now just answering "you're right" and dropping the topic is age appropriate for this question. When he's older we'll tell him the truth as he asks about it. By not ignoring his questions and answering them honestly we are avoiding that moment of discovery older kids have when they realize their parents didn't answer their questions because they are hard to answer or lied to them when answering those questions. That's when kids stop listening to their parents and that's a dangerous thing to happen. We let him watch Big Bang for a mix of our sanity and because he likes Sheldon.

"What is God?":
That was accompanied by "Why can't we see him?" and "Is he in that tree?" This started by a blanket I have. When I sit outside on my chairs I use a blanket with the lyrics to "All Things Bright and Beautiful" on it to cushion my back. I only know up to "....the Lord God made them all". He can sing along. I mentioned that we try to answer things truthfully. Science has made this question difficult. I used it to teach him about praying. "God lives in heaven and you're right that tree is called a Tree of Heaven but God's heaven is in the clouds. God can't be seen but he doesn't give us more then we can handle and guides us in the choices we make. He protects us and it's important to trust him. We pray to God. When we pray we thank him for the people and things we love in life and pray for everyone because everyone needs help and prayers for something. We pray when we see a funeral procession for the person who died and those mourning them, remember." It'll be easier when he's older.

"Drop Dead, Beautiful"........
He's not asking about them just singing them. It's a Britney Spears song from "Femme Fatale" called "Beautiful (Drop Dead)" the hard part is when he starts singing the words "drop dead" over and over again as in the song's chorus. I answer the looks I get with "It's from a Britney Spears song". If they have a problem with it, then it's their problem. This type of music is unavoidable.

It's like not teaching about Santa in school. Santa is everywhere and the kid is gonna ask anyway. You might as well say (if you don't celebrate Christmas) "Santa is for Christmas and we don't celebrate Christmas but those who do believe he comes down the chimney on Christmas eve and leaves presents for those who celebrate Christmas just like you get presents when we celebrate Hanukkah" Then use it as an opportunity to talk about Hanukkah. Of course if you don't celebrate any holiday then you have to explain why. But just like Pop music is all around, come Thanksgiving, Santa will be too. We celebrate Christmas so that one is easy.

Aggression
Transformers: Prime is the Transformers TV show for older kids. We let Zach watch it anyway until he started playing that he was shooting guns. Now he's back to Transformers: Rescue Bots only which is for his age. He still mentions characters from the other Transformers and we have to correct him. "No Smokescreen isn't your favorite since you can't watch him which rescue bot is your favorite?" He always says Heatwave (firebot). If he pretends to be shooting water and putting out fires we're okay. Pick your battles. A fireman is a good thing guns are bad things. We started teaching him about aggression too. "Fighting is only okay in a cartoon it's not okay when it's real. Hitting hurts people and we don't want to hurt people." He hasn't hit anyone but it's worth adding in. It's another conversation we will have a lot.

He's three, there is no filter. We have to be careful of how we answer things because he will say anything and will probably say it at school to the teacher or classmates. He will also say these things to strangers. But they are important to answer. It's impossible to shelter him. But I hope we are guiding him correctly on how to handle life. He's learning who to go to if Mommy and Daddy don't have the answers. Good, because sometimes..............................we don't know.