That Explains A Lot

Those of you who know me well know that I say those words a lot. I like finding the answers to problems. When something is wrong, there is a way to make things better. The start of doing that comes from identifying the real problem. Fights are rarely about the original topic so when we do fight I try to figure out what the real problem is based on the clues Josh gives me. This isn't about a fight though. This is about why my mood swings can be severe enough for my mom, who recently stopped denying the General Anxiety Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, to ask if I'm bipolar. The mental health fad. People experience different moods and that doesn't make it extreme enough to be a hormonal imbalance. With me, there are so many hormones not balanced I make sure my doctors know which ones aren't working properly so it can help them with diagnosis and treatment.

But it's not bipolar disorder and it's not depression. Here is a list from webmd of depression symptoms. While I feel some of these things, it's not often enough nor influencing my life enough to actually be depression.

difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions

fatigue and decreased energy

feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness

feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism

insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping

irritability, restlessness

loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex

overeating or appetite loss

persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment

persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings

thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/detecting-depression

So what is it? People who are around me all the time are about to say some variation of "that explains a lot". It's Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD). You might notice that some posts are extremely emotional and others are, well, normal. When I am PMSing my thoughts, and posts, get more exaggerated, severe, and/or what ever word has crossed your mind while reading these posts. Example: I was PMSing when I tearfully wrote the Unloved post. Josh has been wonderful ever since and our relationship hasn't been this strong in a long time. He's accepting me as I am again and I no longer feel like the wrong word will set him off. From the beginning, I have always warned him when it was PMS week. We told a friend, single who lived with his girlfriend for two years before breaking up, about that and he said that that is a very important thing. I mean the words just not the extreme nature of them.

I didn't have that many mood swings before and during pregnancy it's been since. Actually, even bad mood swing days weren't all anger and sadness. I used to say "not all mood swings are bad". That's because a bad mood could become a happy mood just as quickly as it could turn angry. Good moods are part of those mood changes. So what is PMDD? only 2 - 10% of all women get it but with my hormones it's not surprising. The hormone in question is serotonin. I'm sure some mood swings have come out in my posts. Here are the symptoms.

Mood swings

Depressed mood or feelings of hopelessness

Marked anger, increased interpersonal conflicts

Tension and anxiety

Irritability

Decreased interest in usual activities

Difficulty concentrating

Fatigue

Change in appetite

Feeling out of control or overwhelmed

Sleep problems

Physical problems, such as bloating

http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder

I have all of them for the two weeks before and during that end of sentence all women hate and men tend not to be fond of it either. Treatments aren't that different then what I'm doing now. Improved nutrition (check), more exercise (check), counseling (check), and the one thing I'm researching, medication. The regular version is Sarasem which is so incredibly out of pocket expensive. Yeah, that's not going to happen. $223 a month is not okay. The doctor is looking into names for generic alternatives. The closest we found so far is Prozac but that doesn't treat PMDD specifically, it treats depression. I need something targeting this specific hormonal problem. If the generic version is over $50, well it'll also be priced out of the running and I'll continue to make life adventurous for those around me. I'm glad I'm not boring.

Maybe Ellen Degeneres will hear about me and cover the expense. Unlikely. Lovably insane it is. Josh knows it'll be over soon when I switch to my period wardrobe. It's not unlike my regular stuff just varying warmth nightgowns, PJ pants, lazy pants, and lazy shorts. You can see the PJs in the picture below. Yes, that's a smile. Like I said, not all mood swings are bad.

I had depression once before. Towards the end of an 18 month long job search. Citalopram worked for that. I'm just not built to survive the work force. Too week. I'm not cut throat enough and it takes at least a day to get the previous work shift out of my mind. I still think about things that happened at work years ago. Staying at home fits me perfectly.

PMDD, yup that sounds about right. Let's all say it together now that the diagnosis has been made. Ready? count of three: 1.....2......3...... "that explains a lot"!