Me, My Mom, and the Beach

 When I think about a perfect example of "compromise" I think about family summer vacations at the Jersey Shore. Ocean City, NJ is a dry city. It is mostly safe and a family friendly place. We have run into people from our town while on vacation there. A lot of people from here go to Ocean City. We have gone there most summers of my life for vacation. I couldn't go last year and the year before because I couldn't eat at restaurants. But something odd happened after my mom died 6 months ago. A few of the foods that used to make me sick don't anymore. I still have a lot of issues. But I have been enjoying eating out again! So, last week we went back to the shore. For the first time ever without my mom. 

My mom discovered Ocean City on a business trip one October in the 80's. She loved the beach. I never was a fan of the beach. It's beautiful but the sand bothered me. As a kid, my dad always worded it like this, "we go to the beach in the morning for mom and (my brother) and the pool after lunch for us." As an adult, I only went to the beach for Zach's first experience on the beach at age 2. I didn't want to miss that! I think I walked a few steps in it in the summer of 2019. 

2011, Zach age 2

When Zach was small, he spent the morning at the beach with my parent's and the afternoon at the pool with me and Josh. We used to take this vacation every year with my parents. After the pandemic, my mom and Zach went alone. They had the time of their life! Below is a picture now framed in my family room. Zach has been intrigued by sand since the first step on the beach in 2011. When he was 6, in 2015, my mom captured him exploring how sand texture is different near the water. Even this year he fiddled with the sand while we talked on the beach. My mom absolutely LOVED to build sand boats!

Zach age 6, 2015

This year, Zach and I walked on the beach after breakfast each morning. We walked down to where my family would set up on the beach during those first years. As a kid we only moved our family beach area once that first hotel either closed or became condos. This year, Zach and I sat and talked. I watched the waves while Zach played in the sand while we talked. I usually have a favorite quiet spot on the boardwalk for watching the waves. But this was a lot better! The below waves picture is my new wallpaper on everything. Replacing something that has been up for years! After talking, I would walk ankle deep into the ocean and feel the waves. Just like I did 35 years ago! With the sensory processing disordered these sensations actually heighten the experience and make it more peaceful. 

Zach age 15, 2024 my age 43 :) He's 5'10.5" I'm 5' 2"

The past 8 months I have been wrapped up in landscape design at the house. We have a little left but, I walk the property multiple times a day. Watching those waves, I did what most people do and self-reflected. Nature is my greatest comfort object. Most of my monthly and seasonal themes are nature based. So are what I considered seasonal colors. It's like medicine for me, nature. 

The other themes are holiday based. Most of my paintings and pictures are landscapes or with nature in the background. Only 5 out of 82 aren't with nature in the background. Those are portraits of my great-grandparents, Zach's school picture, a picture of Zach and me making Christmas cookies, and a giggling one-year-old Zach playing with a Santa hat secured in his highchair while Josh set up the Christmas tree. 

I took more pictures than before this vacation. It was a nice mix of wonderful memories of my mom and enjoying each other. I am enjoying my yards more too. The landscapers come next week and might actually finish what's left! 

Where I live, we can see most of what nature has to offer with the changing seasons. Nature's beauty in many of its forms. But we can't see a desert or a beach. For the first time in my life, I cherished deeper than before this part of nature I rarely experience up close. My mom's spirit was with us this vacation. I felt her presence. She helped me change the beach from a loving-sister and daughter compromise to something I appreciate. Zach played a lot of mini golf with Josh. But, each morning, we had our special time on the beach. I look forward to the beach again next year.  

I always say nature beauty is God's gift. It can heal your soul, uplift your mood, and connect you to a part of yourself you need connecting with.