The answer? "Yes, because you clearly expect that of me." As an adult, it's your choice. You can decide if you enjoy seeing them at christmas. My guess is, the answer to that is the same for a lot of siblings. It's complicated.
That's my answer. Do I like seeing my brother? It depends on how things are going at the time. He has never apologized or supported me. It's not his personality. But, he has positive traits too. Most of the time, we agree on basics and do get along.
Do I choose to love him as an adult? I'm curious about what his real answer is to that. He would say he loves me because it was drilled into his head as a kid too. But, is that how he really feels? The answer isn't that simple. That is probably true for a lot of adult siblings.
I get jealous of my dad and his sisters. Even when they are ribbing each other about something, they clearly love and support each other. The same is true for my mom and her brother. They don't see each other often. But, they very much enjoy their time together when they do see each other.
Josh is a twin. He feels the pain his twin feels. Literally! He misses his older brother who moved across the country over 20 years ago and likes seeing his sister. He loves all of his siblings. As adults they all choose to love each other.
Josh and his twin turn 40 in January. His twin has been in the hospital most of the year. As we talk about what to do for his birthday, we have settled on inviting his sister, niece and nephew for dinner. I know his sister is excited for him! That's the kind of supportive sister she is.
As kids, you fight, you get punished, you make up. Because you really don't have a choice. You live in the same house together. If you ever want a turn with the "Tetris" on Nintendo, your brother needs some "Donkey Kong" time. Okay, that last part is probably more specific for us. But, the general sentiment is the same. You have to get along eventually.
As adults, it's easier to just not see or talk to a sibling when you are mad at them. It makes it harder to repair what is wrong. The motivation simply isn't there. Making those rough patches worse then when you were kids. Especially, when you are four years apart and in different stages of life.
Clearly, my brother and I are going through a rough patch now. It's happened before as adults and we worked our way out of it. Can we work our way out of this one? Probably, but, it's going to be a while.
So, do I love my brother? With a deep and thoughtful breath I answer "yes". I choose to love my brother even as we are in a rough patch. Even if we never get out of this, I choose to love him. He might not be apologetic or supportive. But, I love him. I know I do because when we are getting along I smile when I see him. Reflexively.
I'd like to think his answer would be the same. But, it probably won't be. His current reflex answer would be "no". But, he would answer after thinking about it for a while. "Yeah, sure I love her." Because there are times when he smiles reflexively when he sees me too.
April 10th is "National Sibling Day".
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