An OCD Mind At Peace

In my last post I took you through my OCD mind process. An internal battle three days ago. Was the yarn too scratchy for the blanket I was making? I decided to put it aside and work on Zach's blanket first. Perhaps a solution will come when my mind was focused elsewhere.

I woke up the next morning with an answer. Today, the new colors arrived. The yarn was very soft. Without question. I didn't even have to compare the texture to the other yarn! It's perfect!

It was from working on Zach's blanket that I got my answer. There is a dark teal yarn he was excited about when choosing his colors. The company color name is "real teal" for the Red Heart supersaver yarn. All six skeins I have gotten have been soft! As I worked with it on his blanket, I couldn't shake the feeling that it was special.

So, I let go of my rules about white and a shade of blue. The main color now is a soft white. White is very stark. Like snow. Soft white brings to mind angel dresses, the white candle that represents christmas day in the advent wreath, and sheep wool. All are significant for the religious version of christmas. It turns out, soft white is a December color because of christmas.

As it all clicked, my smile got wider. As the rest of what I needed arrived today, I relaxed more and more with each texture test on each skein of yarn. My mind was finally at peace. Now, I can't wait to finish Zach's blanket so I can do this one!!!

What happened to the partially done rough blanket? Zach is using it as a chair pad for the desk chair in his room. He likes my incomplete or messed up projects. They bring him comfort. I guess, I made it so that's all he needs.

My sensory processing disorder has been stronger then usual as I have gotten busier and have new routines to figure out. My delay for understanding things has gotten pretty long!!! When that happens, my anxiety and OCD gets stronger too.

Now, my OCD mind is at peace. I can focus on each stitch without thinking too far into the future. I'm on track to be done with Zach's blanket around October 4th. Even with a small setback, I should have plenty of time to finish both by Thanksgiving. That's my goal.

It feels so good to have my mind at peace! This is going to be a very busy week for me. I need to be able to focus on these things. I can't handle life's surprises when my mind is in the mess it was. The issues haven't gone away. I am still obsessed with these blankets and have a compulsion to work on them as much as possible. But, I'm not worried about them anymore.

Tonight's thought process:

That yarn was so soft! It's going to be nice to snuggle under. Almost like God wanted it to be these colors. Angel white. Like Zachary, my Zachary, my angel. And those three actual angel babies of mine. Tossing in advent and the nativity. I always preferred the religious christmas anyway. How did I not make that connection sooner? Because my senses are overwhelmed and I'm not connecting any symbolic dots right now.

God will be with me. In the season I need it most, I will have the reminders of my faith. When I will need that faith the most, it's there.

What will be my real winter blanket. The white is the primary color.

Look at Zach's blanket! It's almost like an ocean! He's such a summer kid! He is going to look adorable sleeping under it!

Zach's Blanket

Now I am getting tears in my eyes. Happy tears. Tears of relief. Stress flowing out of me. I have solved my dilemma. Peace washes over me.

I do 3 or 4 stripes a day now. On Monday the Big Bang Theory is back. My speed will slow. But, at 2 stripes a day I know I will still have plenty of time to complete both by Thanksgiving.

And now I sigh in relief...........................an obsessed mind at peace. Problem solved!!!!