You're not going to find yourself. Life is a journey. We all go through internal changes every once in a while. When that happens, we need to explore the new us. By the time you have figured out the new you, you're starting to change again. With experience comes the knowledge that to truly understand yourself you can't search. We always need to be open to trying new things and sometimes relearning old lessons.
For me that old lesson came in an unusual place. To get respect you have to give it. That works with parenting too. But, parenting is exhausting and sometimes we forget that. If your kid is being mean to you maybe you are being mean to them. Sometimes, we forget that.
Zach hasn't been listening lately and we've been punishing him more. His behavior changes and we end up being nitpicky about what we punish him over. When that happens, I take back the punishment. I apologize for overreacting and we talk about him being a better listener. That isn't new that's just what we call "post-camp summer".
Something changed today after a big change yesterday. We were on vacation. Josh and I were alone and stopped in a favorite Art Gallery on the boardwalk. I have never bought anything before but felt the need too. We don't have a lot of things on our walls. After years of too many spaces, I was on a mission to fill them. So we got this one painting of the ocean. The day before I had gotten a seashell LED painting for Zach.
We got home and it was time to remodel. The new painting went at the end of our hallway between our bedrooms. The next day it was moved again. The waves are very calming and it seemed like a great place for it. The new place is better! It took my breath away at first. Now, it just makes me smile. The waterfall painting that was there is now next to the AC in the kitchen. The Ocean painting is now above the hutch. Perhaps that was the most important move of all.
The painting that was above the hutch fills the empty space above the TV in the living room now. It's called "Emerald Isle Cottage" by Thomas Kinkade. I bought it for our second anniversary a decade ago when I worked at a Thomas Kinkade gallery. It's not the real painting. It's the $200 framed gifty version of the painting.
Having that space filled has made me smile all day. It also helped me rediscover my patience. I've looked up at it several times while typing this. We never really looked at it in it's old location. But, here, it's a centerpiece. I see more then just the painting differently now.
My time at the art gallery kicked in and I ordered from Amazon two small Kinkade paintings and two reprinted in canvas Kinkade paintings (no Authenticity letter but they are the same painting). One for each season. I printed out pictures of them and taped them to the walls the real paintings will be hung on.
A friend got married, one had a second child two days ago, my brother's wife is due with their second child in September, and my cousin out of the blue wants to have dinner together on Wednesday. I needed a happy change in my life too. This painting project is doing the trick!!! The new perspective has made me see Zach's perspective better.
I had a talk with Zach. I said "we aren't showing each other respect. I don't want to punish you so much so I'm going to try harder to only punish you for the big things."
He responded with "and I'll do better at listening. I know that's why you get frustrated". We are also trying to offer more rewards for good behavior instead of punishments.
Where did Zach choose to put his painting? We don't have anything above our beds but that leaves three walls. One had a cool Lego Star Wars framed poster on it. But, that left two empty places. Zach decided to put his seashell painting in the living room behind the front door. It's now the first thing you see when you walk into the living room from the kitchen.
Mommy and Daddy have things all over the house. He wants to have more then a small end table with his decoration on it outside of his room. It looks perfect where it is. So I rewarded Zach. We went to Target to fill some of his wall space. The first thing he said he wanted was a mirror. Smart kid! Even as a teenager he'll want a mirror. When she showed me the space for it, I smiled. A perfect fit! Exactly where I would have put it!
We ordered him a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle painting from Target. They didn't have that many choices in the store and I thought he'd be better off with something he really liked. He took the last Star Wars painting they had. It's now over his desk and looks great!!! His room is more personalized and cheerful!
Our kids treat us like we treat them. If they seem bratty, we need to think about how we are acting towards them. The only real place I have ever found myself is in Zach. He's a mini me! We have very similar personalities. We have similar taste too. I would have put the seashell painting exactly where he wanted it! But, that means he shares bad traits as well as good ones.
You stop looking for yourself when you have kids. It's no longer important. If you feel lost, sometimes a small change is all that's needed to make sense of things. But, making sense of your world is not the same as finding yourself.
Work with what you're given
You get what you get and you don't get upset
You don't plan life, it just happens
Appreciate what you have,
The grass is not always greener on the other side
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