It's a popular blog post. Almost two years and 361 readers later. But, I understand why it is recently so popular. My hats and wraps project is the perfect example of OCD. That post gives the facts about each. That includes the definition of what OCD is. It's been on my mind lately too.
July was a very busy month for me. I was in charge of something big on Saturday. That was the last big event in a month full of big events. It started with a funeral for one of my favorite people. The friend who was my maid of honor married her soulmate last weekend. mixed in were a lot of other activities. For the past week a lot of people have asked me if I am okay. My answer, "no". Including an employee we joke with at a place in town that we frequently go to.
I have been overwhelmed a lot this month. So overwhelmed, I've needed to nap almost every day. I've become forgetful too. Too much noise, too many crowds, too much mess, too much chaos, too much to sort, to much to make decisions about, just too much. Too much to process.
When I was in school I was diagnosed with a processing disorder. To me, that makes perfect sense. I frequently have to double check that I have the information correct. This weekend I found myself hanging out with friends. I only processed about half of what was said. It's making me question if the processing issues are separate as originally thought, or a part of my anxiety.
With General Anxiety Disorder your mind never shuts off. I always have trouble sleeping but it was significantly worse this past week. When you sleep is when your brain is processing things. Interrupted sleep means less is being processed and retained.
I wasn't functioning right but made it through anyway. Until I made a mistake on Sunday that I never would have made otherwise. One folding table was closed and sideways. I needed it set up to use. I didn't want to ask anyone for help. I had been asking for help for Saturday's event for weeks. Almost everyone was happy to help. Many people even offered to help. One friend said that's because I am so appreciative of that help. But, I didn't want to ask for too much help. The table fell on my foot. THAT'S when I had no choice and got help.
I ended up sitting on the side icing my foot. Currently, it's past black and blue and is purple now. I needed more help then if I had just gotten help in the first place. Believe it or not it made me laugh and cry. Five years ago I broke the same foot. I did a blog post on that.
It seems like God always finds a way to force me off of my feet when things get too hard for me to handle. He forces me to do what I can't do without his help. Stop. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in something I have to tell Josh to make me stop. He literally has to pull me away from it. Because I can't bring myself to do it.
The OCD, GAD and PMDD are getting worse. As I reread that blog post, it never rings truer. It's probably the best I can offer for those who want to understand me but have trouble. A friend was helping me organize the day. She told me to never feel like I shouldn't ask for help. I am truly grateful for everything everyone did. It's time to listen to God.............and stop.
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