Always, My Dona

http://homewithmommy-fran.blogspot.com/2014/08/my-dona.html

That's my blog post from August of 2014. Dona was my childhood babysitter. She died in August of 2014 of cancer. From when I was 6 months old thru High School graduation she was a major part of my life. Her lessons are part of who I have become. In some ways, a MAJOR part of who I am. I like to say Kindergarten through 12th grade are the most important years of your life. I explain in more detail in other posts, but this is basically why. It's when you figure out who you are. Adults struggling with this issue can find answers in memories of those 13 years.

Memories of Dona from that time follow me often. One example comes from just two minutes before I started this blog post. I am making a casserole of Pork Chops, Potatoes, and Peas for dinner. While cooking, I kept having flashes of memory. In this particular memory I am sitting at the kitchen table doing homework. Dona had just finished making me a snack. Usually, apple chunks, pear chunks, grapes, and cut up string cheese. While I eat and work I glance up and watch her making this meal. She didn't serve us dinner. But we had a lot of meals like this that she prepared early and my Mom or Dad cooked later.

The dinner might change, but that was a daily routine. It's well documented how much I rely on routines for stress reduction! Every time I make this, I relive those memories. It's such a mundane activity. I'm sure something similar happens in most homes. But, these are some of my favorite memories of Dona. After writing that I reread that original blog post. Yup, this memory is in that post too. I can't decide if I want to cry or smile.

Dona was like that. She understood me like no one else. I doubt she was surprised about the OCD and Anxiety diagnosis. I still miss her hugs. She almost always knew how to calm me down when my anxiety was at it's highest. From April of 2014 - the day before she died I may have given her comfort. During that time, the blog post below was very popular.

http://homewithmommy-fran.blogspot.com/2013/05/a-cancer-story.html

15,985 reads since it was written as of today. Before April of 2014 it was read maybe about 100 times since written. Since she died, it's been read a little, but probably another 100 times at most. I remember being so confused. There are articles all over the internet about cancer. This one didn't seem to be special. Why, all of a sudden, was this being read over a hundred times EVERY day? But after she died, it made sense. The blue is from that post.

The families of Cancer patients fight hard to do what they can to help. Sometimes the battle is won sometimes it's lost but it's always painful. Families who have lost a loved one to Cancer might find all these survivor stories hard to take. Why did they survive and not my loved one? So I want to take a moment of silence to think about those who didn't win their fight and their families. I share my condolences with them. Since prayer is part of my religion I will type the prayers below. If prayer is not part of your religion then please find your own way to respect those who lost their Cancer battle.

God, I wish to pray for those who have died and their families. I hope they are resting in peace. They are missed and never forgotten. I don't know the pain of losing a parent or child too soon but I do wish I could hug those that do. Please help us find a cure for these fatal diseases. Amen!

She knew she had cancer long before that April. Maybe that's when she got the news that the battle was lost. I don't actually know if it was her reading it. I only suspected when the popularity disappeared the day she died.

I know I will always miss her. I know I will always have moments like this. Cooking, cleaning, crocheting, and driving Zach to an activity. With ALL of them, I think of her. We all have someone like Dona was to me. Even if they are still alive, you know it will be very hard when they are gone. She will ALWAYS be my Dona. She will ALWAYS be with me. Because she is part of who I am.