1. Rediscovering Me - as graduation nears
2. Mysterious Future - Summer limbo
3. What Now? - Adjusting once school starts
A lot of stay at home moms go back to work once their youngest hits middle school or junior high school. Elementary schools tend to have a lot of volunteering opportunities. But, higher schools don't. This is the part that has always confused me.
The "going back to work once the kids are older" part sounds easy. It sounds like moms who have taken at least a decade off magically are able to get a job at the exact level and pay they had before they decided to stay home. That may have been true decades ago. But, these days, it's almost impossible to get a job, even a part time one, with a long gap in your resume. The only exception being if you know someone. A rare situation you can't plan on.
It seems like a lot of stay at home moms go back to school at least for a little bit before looking to go back to work. Starting from the bottom just like 22 year-olds. Rebuilding skills, finding new references, and fighting new stereotypes.
That's one of the reasons for a long time most people never fully stay home. I find a lot of people who consider themselves stay at home parents actually work part time. To me, that sounds like smart planning. But, it's not always in the budget either. For a lot of people, the reason to stay home comes from comparing the cost of lost income with the cost of childcare.
For me, it's because of my issues. Severe general anxiety disorder, severe obsessive compulsive disorder, depression episodes, and my sensory processing disorder. I am a capable person. But, I have to have control over my time in order to manage stress. That's how I can be capable.
I have been wrapped up in a whirlwind of baseball games, baseball practices, preparing for summer baseball tryouts, 4th grade farewell activities, regular school volunteering, the school's centennial celebration, a lot of end of the year school activities, and Zach's birthday preparations. Zach and I both have been saying "goodbye" to a comfortable place filled with memories. (I'll cover that more in a Graduation blog post in June).
But, I recently rediscovered a long forgotten part of myself. Lately, a part of me that has been missing and forgotten has resurfaced. I'm blindsided by it. Maybe, it's the key to handling the gap in my time that was previously filled with all of those school volunteer activities.
My degree is in dance.
I have been saying those words a lot lately. I went years without saying them much at all. The class parents know I have a degree. I'm curious about what they thought it was in. But, that is it, dance. I mostly use my minor, management. But, my degree is in dance.
More then a couple of people have noticed a change in me over the last few days. I did get a haircut on Wednesday. But, it was the same one I always get so I don't look different. Yet, I have been getting compliments. Including one from a friend at the centennial celebration today.
"Did you loose weight? You look great!"
The real answer can be found in my new laptop. My desktop computer is 9 years old. It's working now. But, you never know when it won't. So, I used some of our refund money on a laptop. I needed one anyway.
I put all of our desktop files onto a flash drive we call "domino". It's an obscure NCIS reference (CBS Tuesdays at 8pm). They are finishing up their 16th season. But, the domino storyline was from season 6. (details below).
After setting up my playlists, I started listening to music with my new headphones while working on my laptop. I downloaded some new songs from Amazon and went on a hunt. There is one commercial with a pop song I love. It sounds like a regular song not an ad jingle. I had the lyrics in my head. I could picture the singer in the recording booth. But, it took some research to find the right commercial, and song. Originally, I thought it was a Pepsi ad. Upon further research, I discovered it's a car. "Never Quit" Genesis:
Rise Up (reprise) by Foxes. But, Foxes isn't the singer in the ad.
https://www.ispot.tv/ad/IWK8/2019-genesis-g70-never-quit-t2 (Printz Board ad)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PyX7lu2GzdE (Foxes)
My hands are shaking, but there's nothing to fear
I'm wide awake with my ghost
I'm wide awake with my ghost
Lay down beside me while I shut myself in
My tears keep falling, don't wanna feel this way no more
Rise up right now, rise up right now
Rise up - I know you can get off the ground
Rise up right now, rise up right now
Rise up - I know you can get off the ground
Rise up - I know you can get off the ground
Rise up right now, rise up right now
Rise up - I know you can get off the ground
Stop a minute 'cause I'm so cold
If the river dries, my heart won't beat right anymore
If the river dries, my heart won't beat right anymore
Rise up right now, rise up right now
Rise up - I know you can get off the ground
Rise up right now, rise up right now
Rise up - I know you can get off the ground
Rise up - I know you can get off the ground
Rise up right now, rise up right now
Rise up - I know you can get off the ground
You…
You go, and I'm breaking out
Leaving when the river's lowSay you're gonna make it and stop pretending
Rise up - hey, I'm going on
I don't need your love no more
Leave you when the river's low, stop pretending
The sound hasn't worked on the desktop for months. I can't even remember the last time it worked. I just know it came from a window's update. The music is one of my favorite parts of the laptop. Now, I can't get that song out of my head and find myself dancing more.
I am rediscovering my college self. When I would spend a ton of time at my laptop with my headphones on and music playing. The last time I did that, I was looking on David's Bridal's webpage for wedding dresses in my dorm room. Spoiler, even with all the dresses I saw in person a month later I went for one I found doing exactly that, sitting at my dorm desk, on my laptop, headphones on with music playing. In some cases, the same songs! Remember, I got married at 24, they happened when I was 23. It's Candy Crush Soda instead of David's Bridal. But, it's a great feeling.
NCIS Domino Story:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NCIS_(season_6)
| 121 | 8 | "Cloak" | James Whitmore Jr. | Jesse Stern | November 18, 2008 | 608 | 17.99[9] |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Gibbs sends DiNozzo and Ziva to try to break into a top-secret military facility, telling them that it is a test of the facility's defenses. When they are caught halfway through the break-in, it is revealed that the facility is in fact all a hoax, and that the mole set off the fire alarm and accessed the main computer, which had its keyboard laced with a radioactive substance. After returning from the operation, the director explains to the team that one of them is the mole, and explains about the radioactive trace. He scans the hands of Gibbs, Ducky, Tony and Ziva, before going to scan Abby's hands, which sets off the Geiger counter. Abby is placed into custody. Subsequently, Abby is revealed (though not to Lee) to have been in on the plan to catch the mole from the beginning. The team is monitoring Agent Lee to see if she contacts anyone, believing that the team no longer suspects her. After Lee makes a mark on a newspaper dispenser, she is brought into custody. Lee reveals that she was forced to trade secrets, and kill two people, because her daughter Amanda had been kidnapped, though Vance suspects the 'daughter' is a lie to elicit sympathy specifically from Gibbs. They let her go, and the episode ends with Gibbs concealed in the back of Lee's car saying "Looks like we're working together." | |||||||
| 122 | 9 | "Dagger" | Dennis Smith | Reed Steiner & Christopher J. Waild | November 25, 2008 | 609 | 18.12[10] |
| Agent Lee becomes a reluctant participant in helping the NCIS team stop a top-secret defense plan from being stolen in hopes of finding her daughter Amanda. Lee is used as bait to capture her contact, Ted Bankston, who also tells of having a family member held captive. During the investigation, Amanda turns out not to be Lee's daughter, but her younger adopted sister, with Lee admitting she lied to win Gibbs' help. Bankston turns out to be the mastermind in the caper and takes Lee hostage, as Gibbs corners them on a bus. Gibbs receives minor wounds in the ensuing exchange. Ziva and Tony find Amanda strapped to a trigger plate connected to a bomb, and barely manage to free her safely. Upon learning that Amanda is safe, Lee gives Gibbs a signal to shoot and is shot and killed along with Bankston. Gibbs takes Lee's badge and gives it to Amanda as the team sorts out Lee's ultimate role in the plot. | |||||||
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