Is Santa Real?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/logical-take/201512/in-defense-parents-who-don-t-lie-about-santa

I never lied to Zach. I decided when we first started trying to get pregnant to answer his questions in an age appropriate way. My theory was this, if you lie to your child, it teaches them that it's okay to lie. You can tell them to "do as I say but not as I do". However, "actions speak louder then words".

Statistically, a teenager is less likely to try drugs and alcohol if they have a close relationship with their family. But, that means they have to feel like they can trust their parents. Young kids are very innocent and trusting. They believe what their parents tell them.

The truth about Santa always comes out. In my case, I recognized my mom's handwriting. When I was about Zach's age I decided to leave carrots out for the Easter bunny. After all, it's not fair that Santa gets food and the Easter Bunny doesn't. The thank you note was written in my mom's handwriting. I had seen her writing in enough places to recognize it. That Christmas, I read the tags. All were in her handwriting.

When Zach was in Kindergarten he asked point blank "is Santa real?" We never told him either way. We did what he asked to do when he believed. We did the cookies each Christmas eve. We listened as he talked about Santa. He took pictures with Santa in town. When he asked, we told him the truth. Including about Saint Nicholas.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Nicholas

We talked to him many times about not telling his friends. "Just don't get involved in Santa talk at school". But, both last year and in Kindergarten he spoke up. Parents who used to include me in conversations started excluding me. I'm the bad guy because I don't lie to my kid. "Tell him not to talk about it." We did many times. Last year, we told him not to say anything a half hour before he said something. I can't control what he does. But, I am not going to change how I parent to please someone else either.

Zach seems to enjoy Christmas more since we told him. He knows almost all of his gifts. So he wrapped Josh's while I wrapped his. He had fun doing that together. Yesterday he helped Josh wrap mine. He has his hands in everything Christmas.

 His favorite Christmas thing is the tree. He set up the one in his room (6ft tall 21in wide) and the one in the living room. On Christmas eve he wants to be the one to put the presents under the tree. He still takes his picture with the town Santa.

These are mostly things he wouldn't be able to do if he believed in Santa. He enjoys Christmas more knowing the truth. When he's older he'll remember he can trust us to be truthful with him. We don't hide anything from him. Statistically, that means he's less likely to try drugs and alcohol and more likely to talk to us when he's struggling.

His friends are almost 8 or are already 8. That's when most kids learn the truth about Santa. It's going to be an interesting month! Maybe they will start recognizing their parent's handwriting too. Some will pretend to believe in Santa to make their parents happy. Others will still trustingly ask their parents for the truth. That might mean Zach will be asked about it more this year. He's said something in the past. He might be able to answer their questions. Avoiding Santa talk is going to be a lot harder this year!

We set up the trees and the house this weekend. Christmas is in my home. With that, we had the talk again with Zach about just staying out of it and changing the subject! I don't want him to loose friends. I don't want to be left out with the other parents. But, this isn't about now. The parenting decisions we make now effect the decisions they make later. I have Psychologists on my side.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/plato-pop/201212/say-goodbye-the-santa-claus-lie

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2016/11/24/parents-urged-stop-pretending-father-christmas-real/

I don't judge the parents that do tell their kids Santa is real. I judge the parents that treat people like Zach and me poorly for being truthful. We all have our reasons for the decisions we make. For most kids, the Santa lie isn't a big deal. It's part of a bigger picture. To stop our teens from making really bad decisions we need to build trust when they are kids. If Santa is your only deception, your kid will probably be just fine. But, the more you deceive now, the more they distrust later. The truth always comes out.

Ho Ho Hope the next month is jolly!!!