Remembering Princess Diana

I was driving home from somewhere that day. On the car radio I heard "Princess Diana is dead". I didn't believe it. It didn't sink in. It didn't seem real. I didn't seem possible. I couldn't possibly have heard them right. Was it a prank?

It was 1997. My mind flashed back to elementary school. Not even ten years earlier in second or third grade (1988 - 1990). My teacher was giving me a book from the school library "Diana, Princess of Whales". She was the person chosen for me to do a biography book report on.

Big beauty big heart. A lot of girls wanted to be her. A real live princess!!! Kate Middleton has filled that role nicely. I learned that she was a Kindergarten teacher. I saw pictures of that huge wedding dress. I learned about her charitable work.

I was a teenager when Diana and Charles' marriage fell apart publicly. Looking at those wedding pictures at that time I questioned if it was ever a real relationship. As news of Camilla first hit, I asked my Mom about that. She said "Charles wasn't ready to get married but was being pressured. Camilla was already married. So, he married Diana." While only they know the truth, it certainly sounds possible!

I smiled at the smiles from William and Kate on their wedding day. They are in love. Yes, William was probably being pressured to get married. But, they had been together for many years. I suspect the pressure was less about his age and more about the relationship itself.

It takes me a while to process things. Zach has learned this. He waits until I am heavily focused on one thing to ask for something I usually say "no" to. He hopes I'm too overwhelmed to process his request and just answer "yes". This news took a long time to process. As the details came out, a clearer picture formed.

I'll never know what it's like to live in the spotlight. Diana may have grown up in a noble family, but, she was also a Kindergarten teacher. Her life was mostly low-profile. Until the engagement. The media has to be managed. Public image has to be managed. Secrets must be kept.

Because of those secrets, there was speculation after her death. What really happened in private? How did she feel about.........well...........everything? Was the real her really different from the person she showed the world?

The questions that will never be answered. But, they don't matter. Even as a little girl, I wanted to believe that most marriages were strong like my parents. I was disappointed at their failed marriage. But, happy to see she found someone since Prince Charles had moved on.

It's a lesson for everyone. Don't force someone to marry. They are either ready for that commitment or aren't. Prince Charles wasn't ready. Much like Prince Harry now. That marriage was never going to work. But, in her short life Princess Diana did so much good. So much living. She had big happiness and big sorrow.

Like most people I wish I could ask her about the things that never made it public. Her views on what was in the media. Perhaps throw darts at a picture of Camilla's face together. I truly believe that she worked hard to make that marriage work. I don't think her grief was about the ending of the marriage. I think her grief was because that marriage never stood a chance in the first place.

As facebook remembers Diana 19 years later, I find flashes of memories passing through my head. One is from that radio death announcement. The other is of that book being placed in front of me. I'll never know what the teacher selected Diana for me. But, through it I connected with Princess Diana differently then I connect with most public figures. That's why her death took so long to process.