Don't Give Up, Zach

Zach keeps giving up on things. When it's no longer easy, he's not interested in continuing. My loving father keeps reminding me that I did that too. I know it's a weakness of mine. I have been trying to set the example not to give up. But, Zach is still giving up.

Zach grew out of his old bike before really learning how to ride it. There is a small hill in the driveway at my parent's house. He made it a goal to make it up that hill. He constantly would ride his bike down the driveway then park it.

His birthday is coming up. My parents got him a bike that fits him now. He'll ride it sometimes, but when he starts to struggle, he stops. He did make it up that little hill on his new bike though. I made it a point to congratulate him for reaching that goal. But he still shows little interest in riding.

We had received a tax refund. That happens when you don't make much money. This year, we put some aside to get him a Wii U for his birthday. An early gift. We also got him a few games. Early on, he played with it every day. Last Sunday, a friend came over to show him about playing a couple of games. He hasn't played with it since.

I know he enjoys it. We gave him "Mario World" this morning and he's playing it with Josh right now. We asked him what happened. Why did he stop playing with it? His answer was, "it was getting too hard when he reached a new level."

I told him to work through the challenges. It's okay to fail. Just try again. That makes it more fun when you do get it right. Lego Avengers, Pac Man, and Mario Kart are all hard for him. The are really for kids a little older then him anyway. He enjoys Mario Tennis, Lego Marvel, and now Mario World. It's new. He's getting a feel for the types of games he's drawn too.

To feel a sense of accomplishment you have to work through things that are hard to do. I tell Zach not to give up. It's okay to give up sometimes but it's important to not give up that often. I have been trying to set the example of not quitting. But, I have my sympathies.

I remember being the kid that wasn't as good as my peers at certain things. Those are the things easy to give up on. Because you feel like you'll never be as good as the other kids so it's not worth even trying. We weren't able to afford basics like the game system or tablet until recently. Like in the past month. But, his friends have been using them for years. Meaning, they had more practice and are at a higher level then he is. It's a casualty to being poor. He can get there too. He just needs to practice and troubleshoot the hard parts.

As a parent, I'm stuck. I keep trying to set the right example and tell Zach not to give up. I also tell him why he's better off working through the hard part. I encourage him to ride his bike and play his Wii U. He's in a rut. I don't know how to help him out of it.

Some parents would say "let him struggle. He needs to learn to work through challenges on his own." I agree with that. I'm not looking to tell him how to work through challenges. I'm looking to motivate him to try working through the challenges. He can figure out how to solve the problems on his own. Because it's an essential life skill.

Perhaps what has held him back was not having someone to play the games with. He loved playing with his friend last week. Maybe it's less fun to play alone. He's enjoying it now. Is that because he's playing with Josh? Or because he really likes this game? I think the answer is both. But, I think he'll enjoy this game when Josh goes to work later.

As for his bike, it's at the apartment now. In the garage. There are better places to practice here. Maybe that will help! If anything it means more opportunities to ride his bike now.

It's a basic skill, knowing how to work through the hard things to solve problems. I think the phase has more to do with the time of year. He's clinging to the easy and familiar for a few reasons.

1. Who knows what will happen with Fairway. The pizza place has full time hours for Josh. But, the uncertainty of Fairway's future is scary. I've done the math and know we'll be okay if it becomes pizza full time. At least for a while. But for Zach it just meaning uncertainty. He needs predictability and he's not getting that with Fairway's new changes.

2. He LOVES his teacher. Every year at this time he's scared of moving up a grade. He's scared of what the next grade will be like. His current teacher is amazing and has a fantastic classroom management plan. Zach responds well to that predictability and routine. It's going away in a few weeks and that is scary for him.

3. He's aware that he's growing out of old favorites. We introduced the Wii U early because the only thing he was playing with were the Legos. But, he's not ready for all the toys he's outgrown to go to the garage. As his tastes change, he's struggling to say goodbye to things he played with for years. I think  his hold up on the game system is what it symbolizes. It symbolizes his new stage of development. Just like the bigger bike.

As a parent it's hard to stop him from giving up. It's tricky. I don't want him to feel forced to do something. If it's an expectation, he won't enjoy it. However, I can't stand by and not say anything either.

Don't give up, Zach. Work through those challenges. Because those accomplishments will feel really good. You WILL be able to get to the next level. You WILL be able to ride your bike around the block. But, you have to use critical thinking skills to solve the problem. Don't be left behind because you didn't try. Don't give up, work through it!!!