That applies to both Zach and me. This is the first time since the first week of school where Zach went all week happy to go. Yesterday, at first, he calmly said he didn't want to go but when I reminded him that he had to but his teachers care about him, he was fine. No tears either day. He's moved past the diaper incident and brings his stuffed wocket (From the Dr. Seuss book A Wocket in my Pocket) named "George". Yesterday, George had his own chair at the table next to Zach when I got to school. He's always happy to see me but it was wonderful that he was happy to be there. All because I remind him that his teachers care about him. It helps him feel safe. Mommy found the magic words to make it alright, again.
But I'm all better too..........mostly. Now that we have a settled routine I find myself busy when he's at school. Somehow, I'm busier. Maybe because I do things I usually don't when Zach's around just because I know they will be harder to do with him here. I like my time when he's in school and I no longer spend the entire morning thinking about what he's doing. I'm also getting over wanting another child.
We were taking one of our family walks last night. That was the first time we did it without the stroller even with us. Zach was nervous at first, he wanted it there just in case. But he didn't need it. We walked slowly, it took two hours to do the five miles but we stopped so he can sit twice. But he did it. It was nice for Josh and me to hold hands only stopping to hold Zach's hand for street crossing.
I started thinking of all the things we used to do for him that he does for himself now. No more diapers, no more pureeing food, no more dressing him, and a lot less toys in the living room. Soon he'll be getting my old bed frame (next week maybe). He's ready; so ready in fact he kicked me out of my bed so he can finish his nap in a higher bed last week. And as I mentioned before, I can decorate again. If we had another baby the decorations would have to go away again, there would be diapers, and sibling rivalry, and dressing a wiggly constantly rolling over kid again and there would be toys in the living room again. I like that the living room mostly looks like it did pre-Zach. He likes having the extra space in his room for his toys. We recently took the rocking chair to the garage and moved his Devil's chair to the living room.
If we had another baby we'd have to move. I love our home and our neighbors. This is where Josh and I grew up and we have decided that it's important to us that Zach grows up in this town too. It's just that special of a place.
Part of the slow transition was both of us having OCD and GAD (General Anxiety Disorder). With OCD, big changes are very hard to deal with since routine is something you thrive on. With GAD there is that constant fear on the new things, "will it be okay?" and the constant worrying about it. Change in general for us is hard and takes time to adjust. But we have adjusted. We are both great with him in preschool, including both of us making friends, and I have finally reached a place where I don't need another baby. I love my family the way it is.
Which is a good think with the Giants in the Super Bowl. See during the 2008 game we had been trying to get pregnant for 18 months. I said to Josh "If the Giants win I'm okay with not being pregnant this month". I thought I got my period a few days later and took the Clomid that was helping with ovulation but when ovulation didn't happen when it was supposed to, I got a positive pregnancy test. That was my third miscarriage at 8 weeks. I was pregnant during that Super Bowl and a few minutes after my comment the helmet catch happened. Basically, I gave up a baby for the Giants to win. I have no idea what I'll have to give up this time but GO GIANTS!!!!!! btw we got pregnant with Zach on the Giant's vacation week (called a bye) the next season.
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