In May of 2006 we decided we would start trying in September. I joined a waiting to try to conceive board on Babycenter.com and really got to know a lot of others like me. In September we started trying. I didn't chart at the time. The plan was to let nature take over for a few months but on November 15, 2006 I miscarried at about 7 weeks. I didn't get a positive test at home and miscarried before the blood work was able to be done the next day but I know what an embryo looks like from all those times I looked at one invisioning mine while waiting to start trying. That is when I decided to partially chart. I'm not going to get into detail about what can be charted but I created one in excel and off I went. You can learn about charting from Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. It's the Trying to conceive bible!!! I learned about it from friends on Baby Center. The only thing I didn't chart was the most important thing, my basil body temperatures. That is your waking tempurature at the same time each morning. After your period they are low. The day you ovulate they get a lot lower, by at least two 100ths of a degree then they shoot up higher then they were before. Three high tempuratures confirm ovulation.
After a few months of charting without the tempuratures I added the tempuratures and an account at http://www.fertilityfriend.com. I got the free account. By November of 2007 we had been trying for a long time. While my cycles were regular I wasn't ovulating when I should have been so my obgyn put me on Clomid. It's a medication to help you ovulate between days 13 - 16 which is the average range. My average range was becoming day 23 from all the stress of trying. It consumed all of me. That is common but it's 10 times harder with OCD. It's all I was able to talk about during that time. With Clomid, they start with three cycles at 50mg where you take it twice a day from days 5 - 10. In January of 2008 it turned out I got pregnant. Problem, I did bleed when my period was due so I took the Clomid as directed, this time at 100mg twice a day for those five days. You're not supposed to take it when pregnant but I bleed enough to be pretty sure I had gotten my period. When my tempuratures never went down for ovulation I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive, blood work too. The doctor put me on progesterone since we had previously determined that low progesterone was my problem. I miscarried at eight weeks on February 28, 2008. (3rd miscarriage) We decided to stop trying after that and in March, while watching a NJ Devils hockey game we went through the player's names and settled on Zach Parise and there we go with Zach.
We didn't start using protection but finally started to live our life like we aren't going to get pregnant. I had given up hope in everything including God. Our priest, Diana (we're Epsicopalian and she has since retired but not before baptising Zach) tended to show up outside of church whenever God had a message for us. In August she just so happened to be visiting my parents when I arrived. That September I got pregnant and on Columbus Day (Oct. 12, 2008) the test turned positive. Two days after my period was due. The next day bloodwork confirmed and I was back on progesterone. A different type this time. I was only 4 weeks and 5 days pregnant when I got the positive. On our four year wedding anniversary I had my first (of many) ultrasounds and saw Zach's Sack(Say that three times fast). Each week I had an ultrasound until eight weeks seeing his heartbeat at six weeks which is when the due date of June 17, 2009 was determined. After that the fertility specialists we had been to (Reproductuve Medical Associates or RMA) after that third miscarriage and at the start of this pregnancy sent me to my regular obgyn.
He kept me on the progesterone until 15 weeks since that first miscarriage happened at 13 weeks (mentioned in the first post). At 16 weeks I felt him kick for the first time. At my 12 week ultrasound he was determined to not just be very healthy but to be a boy (which can only be determined in big boys at that point since it's about the size of the head of a pin at that point.) At ten weeks we had heard his heartbeat for the first time. The sweetest music in the world. At 26 weeks and 5 days I started getting Braxton Hicks contractions. At 28 weeks and 5 days, I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. That is a frustrating diet to live off of even though most of the food I was eating already were on the diet in the right portions. At 32 weeks I went into prelabor and emerged from the hospital on bed rest. I had overdone it preparing after a baby shower. I was high risk so I assumed he'd come early and wanted to be prepared. At my 38 week ultrasound his fluid was a little low so I was induced. I dilated so fast there was no time for an epidural. After eight hours of labor, there he was. Healthy! two 9's for APGAR scores. Here is the picture of him the day he was born.
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After all that I went through to be the best mother I could while trying and pregnant and after all the sorrow and frustration of trying to conceive and miscarrying there really was no other option for me. Motherhood and being a wife are the only things I'm good at.
Edit: I mentioned this in other places on this blog but this is a popular post and it occurs to me I should put this here too. I have to keep stress low to manage my General Anxiety Disorder just to handle life. That means I have to find down time and the only way that is going to happen is being home. I might take breaks but frequently into the night I am doing chores, budget planning, cleaning, laundry, ect... It's not traditional working hours. Sometimes, like last night, I end up starting laundry even after 10pm. I was working on the budget until after 11pm last night. But that down time I take really does make a difference for me mentally. Most people don't understand but it's what I need. Staying home is a medical decision for me not just an emotional one.
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