Me, My Mom, and the Beach

 When I think about a perfect example of "compromise" I think about family summer vacations at the Jersey Shore. Ocean City, NJ is a dry city. It is mostly safe and a family friendly place. We have run into people from our town while on vacation there. A lot of people from here go to Ocean City. We have gone there most summers of my life for vacation. I couldn't go last year and the year before because I couldn't eat at restaurants. But something odd happened after my mom died 6 months ago. A few of the foods that used to make me sick don't anymore. I still have a lot of issues. But I have been enjoying eating out again! So, last week we went back to the shore. For the first time ever without my mom. 

My mom discovered Ocean City on a business trip one October in the 80's. She loved the beach. I never was a fan of the beach. It's beautiful but the sand bothered me. As a kid, my dad always worded it like this, "we go to the beach in the morning for mom and (my brother) and the pool after lunch for us." As an adult, I only went to the beach for Zach's first experience on the beach at age 2. I didn't want to miss that! I think I walked a few steps in it in the summer of 2019. 

2011, Zach age 2

When Zach was small, he spent the morning at the beach with my parent's and the afternoon at the pool with me and Josh. We used to take this vacation every year with my parents. After the pandemic, my mom and Zach went alone. They had the time of their life! Below is a picture now framed in my family room. Zach has been intrigued by sand since the first step on the beach in 2011. When he was 6, in 2015, my mom captured him exploring how sand texture is different near the water. Even this year he fiddled with the sand while we talked on the beach. My mom absolutely LOVED to build sand boats!

Zach age 6, 2015

This year, Zach and I walked on the beach after breakfast each morning. We walked down to where my family would set up on the beach during those first years. As a kid we only moved our family beach area once that first hotel either closed or became condos. This year, Zach and I sat and talked. I watched the waves while Zach played in the sand while we talked. I usually have a favorite quiet spot on the boardwalk for watching the waves. But this was a lot better! The below waves picture is my new wallpaper on everything. Replacing something that has been up for years! After talking, I would walk ankle deep into the ocean and feel the waves. Just like I did 35 years ago! With the sensory processing disordered these sensations actually heighten the experience and make it more peaceful. 

Zach age 15, 2024 my age 43 :) He's 5'10.5" I'm 5' 2"

The past 8 months I have been wrapped up in landscape design at the house. We have a little left but, I walk the property multiple times a day. Watching those waves, I did what most people do and self-reflected. Nature is my greatest comfort object. Most of my monthly and seasonal themes are nature based. So are what I considered seasonal colors. It's like medicine for me, nature. 

The other themes are holiday based. Most of my paintings and pictures are landscapes or with nature in the background. Only 5 out of 82 aren't with nature in the background. Those are portraits of my great-grandparents, Zach's school picture, a picture of Zach and me making Christmas cookies, and a giggling one-year-old Zach playing with a Santa hat secured in his highchair while Josh set up the Christmas tree. 

I took more pictures than before this vacation. It was a nice mix of wonderful memories of my mom and enjoying each other. I am enjoying my yards more too. The landscapers come next week and might actually finish what's left! 

Where I live, we can see most of what nature has to offer with the changing seasons. Nature's beauty in many of its forms. But we can't see a desert or a beach. For the first time in my life, I cherished deeper than before this part of nature I rarely experience up close. My mom's spirit was with us this vacation. I felt her presence. She helped me change the beach from a loving-sister and daughter compromise to something I appreciate. Zach played a lot of mini golf with Josh. But, each morning, we had our special time on the beach. I look forward to the beach again next year.  

I always say nature beauty is God's gift. It can heal your soul, uplift your mood, and connect you to a part of yourself you need connecting with. 

My Idea for Solving the Democratic Party's Problem

 I look at the current situation in the democratic party and can't help but think that this can be solved just like I solved my lawn problem. For that to make sense, both are going to need some back story. In the end, I know how we can dig ourselves out of this political mess. 

Democratic recap:

In June, President Biden debated Convict Trump. Convict Trump lied, blustered, dodge questions, and complained without evidence like a 3-year-old in need of a nap. President Biden was knowledgeable in his answers. But he was also forgetful, lost his train of thought, and confused at times. Ever since, Trump has done better in the polls and Biden is being asked to step aside so someone else can be nominated at the convention in August. 

Lawn recap:

Over the winter I had decided on a few minor changes I wanted to make to the landscape on the property. We are a corner house with the front lawn on a busy street. The property seen by most of the town so, it has to look good. I now have my big 4 favorites:

Favorite Annuals: Mums/Marigolds tied

Favorite Perennial: 'Bight Sunset' Daylily (tall orange ones)

Favorite Shrub: Forsythia

Favorite Tree: Yellow Maple

More grass seed was laid down then expected so we decide we needed an irrigation system. It takes over 2 hours with a normal sprinkler (2 running at the same time front and back). We don't have that kind of time. That was installed this week and I love it!

But our front lawn had an Ash tree that was dying through that insect infestation that has been killing Ashes. All I had planned for the front was a garden bed around that tree but, it had to be taken down. So, we are talking a full yard remodel. 

We had a good plan but, something was missing. I had several ideas but, my mind kept changing. None of it seemed to work right. So, I went across the street and visualized how the complete picture would look. We had decided to put in an 'October Glory' orange maple in the front. Those are the "shut me up" maples. When there is a row of them, I lose my train of thought in the fall because I can't stop looking at them. Another maple tree that is shorter will go on the other side and we have Adirondack chairs and a flowerpot for the middle. It needed more. After all of those ideas (including a wishing well) I landed on two andromeda flower beds, one in front of each tree. By stepping back and seeing the full picture envisioning it now and 20 years from now, I found a great solution! I can't wait for the late-October and early-November fall beauty about to unfold! Complete with pumpkins in front of the flowerpot! 

That's what the party needs to do. Step back and just look at the complete big picture envisioning the future. Biden isn't dropping out because we don't know who will be on the ticket if he does. VP Harris is a good start. But who would be her VP? If we give him the names of who would be on the ticket, we might get him to drop out. 

But that's the problem. We don't have confirmed names. We don't have Gretchen Whitmer as President with a named VP. This is why we are still in limbo. We are a mess right now. We need to get our collective heads back on strait, put aside egos, and unite around a real solution. Kamala Harris for President with Sec. Pete Buttigieg as VP is probably the best ticket. 

This isn't a lost race. Trump has not won the election. We can still win this. I think a Harris/Buttigieg ticket could very well change things for us. But we need to make it clear to President Biden that this is our best chance for November. 

I think he will step aside if given a real "this is the ticket" alternative instead of the long wish list floating now. We also need to get Harris and Buttigieg to agree. This is how we solve the mess of a problem we have going right now. I did get a text poll asking me if I support Harris as the president to replace Biden this morning. This tells me his campaign is sending out feelers. Perhaps Biden is not against stepping aside, if he can support the alternative. His two heirs apparent should suffice. Harris/Buttigieg, now THAT can save the country from a tyrant dictator!

President Biden's Complicated Situation

 On my mail-in ballot the Presidential ticket is odd. Biden, two people who don't belong there that I never heard of, and "Palestinian Justice". It's just the primary. But that's the "protest vote" option. My dad went with Palestinian Justice this time to protest providing weapons to Israel that are essentially being used for genocide in Palestine. 

We civilians who read, listen, and watch reputable news sources only know the facts that have been reported to reporters. The Fox News, News Max and One America News people know absolutely no facts at all. Opinions are formed from incomplete information. 

There are a lot of things classified about all this. Decisions made in the situation room we will never know about. Information we will never receive. There is also something none of us are considering. 

The Israeli prime minister is the Israeli Trump. He wants Trump to win and will try to sabotage Biden's re-election chances. To obtain Biden's co-operation, bribery very will might be involved. What would mean more to Biden than pleasing voters? 

That's how you secure the weapons flow. He's a dangerous man and the safety of the Americans in Israel and the American hostages might be at stake without the American people ever being told about it. 

Look at Biden's career. Do you seriously think he supports what the Israeli Trump is doing? Anyone paying attention even a little should be asking themselves, "He doesn't have a history of supporting this type of thing, why now?" 

Classified material is classified for a reason. My father-in-law earned a Medal for Valor during Vietnam but won't talk about it. It's actually possible he legally CAN'T talk about it. The event in question might still be or was at one point classified. 

He was a MP with a protective personality and became a life member of the rescue squad after serving. I suspect he was a medical and/or deceased front-line soldier transport guard. Something may have happened when getting a patient from Vietnam to a safer German hospital where he was stationed. 

My cousin was in that war around Desert Storm but not in Desert Storm in the navy in the middle east. I think it was Iraq but, I always thought Iraq and Desert Storm was the same war. I was a kid with a processing disorder and adult choices never fully made sense. He still has classified information he can't talk about. 

We probably will never know the full story about why Biden has decided to continue to provide these weapons. But he's dealing with his political rival's ally. That gets tricky with international politics. If the lives of American citizens are on the line if these weapons are not provided, what choice would you make? It's a lot more complicated than we think! 

Art and the Mind

 I have a lot of photographs and paintings. Most of it is Thomas Kinkade. I used to work for a Thomas Kinkade gallery. But some of what I have are pictures of his paintings printed on canvas and framed at AC Moore. I also am a fan of Wall26, an art company on Amazon. It's affordable and pretty artwork. 

We finally decorated Zach's floor. When we moved in almost 2 years ago, what he wanted to do didn't sound like it was going to stick for long. So, we waited. His birthday is in early June so, his gift was to finally get the wall decorations he wanted. He has a few posters. But, unlike 2 years ago, was willing to consider Wall26 art. I prefer the realistic paintings as gallery wrapped canvases. He wanted natural framed watercolors. Most of what he chose was done by Claude Monet. He loves it! We are still waiting on a poster and a few paintings for him. I asked if he still wants anything he wanted 2 years ago. He said, "no". 

This got my OCD juices rolling! The Thomas Kinkade "Christmas in New York" Painting that was Zach's had been at the landing of the stairs. Now, he got a sunflower painting in the same type as the rest of the stair paintings. The Christmas tree painting had to move! It's now by the fridge across from the framed photograph of 3-year-old Zach helping make Christmas cookies. 

Other paintings were moved, a few Thomas Kinkade gallery wrapped canvases were ordered from the Thomas Kinkade website, a few pictures were added to a "canvas frame your photo" Amazon canvas. A few are now in the basement, replaced by nicer choices. Now, anywhere the eye goes will have a painting to look it. 

It's an optical illusion. At any time, multiple paintings will be in your line of sight for most of the main floor on the house. The eye goes to the painting your brain consciously or subconsciously needs to see. There is something about that painting reflecting your thoughts or needs. 

My dad says it's too much. His walls have always been kind of baron to me. I know I put small things in places most people leave bare. Like the wall space above a light switch, but I do it for this very reason. So, the mind can find the image it needs to see. 

Years ago, at the condo I used to do "gallery tours". I would start at the painting by the door and work my way circling the condo looking at all paintings and photographs in every room. I did that today at the house. I have printed out pictures of the new art and used painter's tape to secure them where the real thing is going to be so, these were included. 

Thomas Kinkade's "Conquering the Storm". Holds an interesting history for me. 8 years ago, it's almost like God was guiding me to buy it. A reminder that I will get through the hard times. For my mom's memorial service, I chose lavender and peach roses. They reminded me of the different sunsets. Later, I realized the painting with both these sunset colors in it was "Conquering the Storm". God's reminder I will get through this loss. 

I see this all the time. I look up and let myself be guided instinctively in a direction. I end up in front of the painting or photography I need to be in front of. When you need comfort, it's a good thing to do to find that comfort. 

My Mom and Princess Kate

 I haven't been reading the "where's Kate?" articles. It's none of my business. Public figure or not, everyone deserves privacy. She is a person before she is a princess. William with a mistress? Please, have you seen how he looks are her, he loves her deeply! Remember when she was "Waity Katy" because he made her wait so many years before proposing? It's because he wanted to be certain it would be forever.

But her video announcing her cancer diagnosis has me extra afraid. In the early morning on February 29th my mom died of cancer. She had been battling it for technically a year but really longer. She was the one in my December blog post. "What is Grief if Not Love Persevering?"

Home With Mommy: "What is Grief if Not Love Persevering?" - Vision in Wandavision (homewithmommy-fran.blogspot.com)

In February of 2023 testing revealed the cancer. At first, the surgeon thought it might be removable if it shrunk enough after three months of chemo. But, on the Friday before Memorial Day weekend (May 26, 2023) she was told it had moved and couldn't be operated on. She started the "extend your life but you're terminal" chemo then. That stopped working around Halloween and in December she briefly tried a drug trial but decided it was too much for her. She entered home hospice and in January, at her decision, was moved to a care facility. 

Princess Kate has me very afraid. What type of cancer? Is she terminal? Is she on the "shrink then remove" chemo or the "this will help with what time you have left" chemo? My mind races, hoping she is spared following my mother's path. But these answers are hers to give if and when she wants to. 

Kate is giving me flashbacks to when Princess Diana died. In the 1991 - 1992 school year I did a biography project for school on Princess Diana. I was in the fourth grade (age 10). I really liked her, and she became a favorite of mine after that. When I heard news of her death I was driving. I couldn't process it as something that really happened for a while. I'm still not fully wrapping my head around Kate's diagnosis. I really like Kate, just like I liked Princess Diana. It takes a special person to be married to the heir to a kingdom. I admire them both. 

My mom got to spend part of the last year of her life doing what made her happy and the one thing she wanted to do but was waiting on. She wanted to take Zach on a college visit to the college where she met my father. She showed him the place where they met. Zach developed a love or Architecture. A really awesome man from church is a professor there and offered to give them a private tour. That man was at her viewing so, it was nice to thank him in person. 

She was cremated. For a few days I didn't know if she was in human form or dust. It turns out that they can't cremate for 24 hours but were quick to take care of it after that. The memorial service was beautiful, she had planned it, and the priest did a phenomenal job! So many wonderful people came, some from far away, to celebrate her life. 

"What is grief if not love persevering?" I haven't cried. My mom hasn't been herself since Thanksgiving. But I spent a lot of time with her throughout my life. My mourning started after Thanksgiving when she no longer had the energy to be herself. The last thing I ever told her is "I love you". It gives me peace that she died knowing that. I miss her hugs. I miss walking with her. I miss being able to ask her to explain something to me that I don't fully understand. I just miss her. 

The royal family has delt with a lot these last few years. Now, two of them are living with cancer and it's unclear if it's terminal or not. Prince William is around my age, and he's been taking metaphorical body blows from all sides. We can't forget that the prince is human too. He's probably afraid for his father and wife. He's probably afraid what he'll do as a single father if she dies. He probably misses his brother and doesn't know a graceful way to fix things. Is he thinking of his mother now?

My mom was a wonderful woman taken too soon at age 75 by cancer. I pray Princess Kate goes into remission and lives a very long, very happy, and very healthy life. What does my mom have in common with Princess Kate? They are both diplomatic, loving wives and mothers, brilliant, beautiful, caring, and suffering from cancer. They are also both human.

My Immigration Reform Plan

 Right after the 2022 election I contacted each of my congress reps with a bi-partisan idea. 

Rep. Payne - Criminal reform that only punishes the officers who actually are problems and not all officers. 

Senator Booker - He's known in my area for having used charter schools to improve education as the Newark mayor. So, I said to make pre-school part of the public school system like kindergarten in. It helps solve the childcare crisis. To get republican support, including funding for charter schools. 

But my only successful idea was the one I have been the most persistent about. Senator Menendez at the time was the chair of the senate foreign affairs committee. After several calls and emails over time, later including senator Booker in this idea. We have the Border bill up for a vote today. It's mostly either my ideas or modified versions of it. 

My idea was in two parts:

1. Add new border checkpoints where people are entering anyway. Homeland security knows where these places are. Give them more opportunities to claim asylum making it legal. This also means more border agents. 

2. A new temporary visa they can get at the border so they can work anywhere in the country legally and be tracked for their asylum hearing. This relieves pressure for border states.

What is in the border plan?

What's in the bipartisan Senate package to aid Ukraine, secure U.S. border - The Washington Post

1. More border agents (no new entry points)

2. Visas that can be approved at the entry points so they happen quicker. 

3. Quicker asylum hearings and a higher number of visas allowed.

4. A limit to how many can enter a day.

There are other things. But they clearly listened to me. Most people entering want to do it legally and just don't know how. This addresses that while addressing the undocumented, entry number, and criminal concerns. 

"What is Grief if Not Love Persevering?" - Vision in Wandavision

 I haven't done a post in almost 3 months. The post I want to do, I was not allowed to do. Someone might be mad at me for this. But it can't wait anymore. 

Someone I love is dying of cancer. Enough people know where I feel like this is okay to finally write. They will take a piece of me with them when they go. 

I just keep thinking of this one quote from Vision (played in the MCU by Paul Belamy). He is an Avenger in the Marvel comics. In episode 8 of Wandavision on Disney+ he is talking about loss with Wanda Maximoff (the Scarlett Witch). 

Wanda lost her parents in an apartment bombing when she was 10. Then, as a young adult, became an Avenger with her twin brother, Pietro (aka. Quicksilver) in the movie "Age of Ultron". The scene is a memory of her time at the Avenger compound right after Pietro died in a battle with Ultron. 

Vision had been killed in a battle in the movie "Infinity Wars". She used her powers to bring him back in Wandavision. Vision tried to comfort her by saying, "what is grief if not love persevering?" Vision is highly philosophical and overall brilliant. See link to learn more about him. 

Vision (Marvel Cinematic Universe) - Wikipedia

"What is grief if not love persevering?" 

I hold that thought with me as this person has gone through various stages. There is nothing left to be done but relieve their pain. 

My loved ones are on the lookout for me. I get depression and yes, I am in it right now. No, I am not going to harm anyone but, I have had some strong mood swings. What's going in inside me this past year?

Turmoil - there really is no other way to word it. I can't picture life without this person. I can't piece together modifying things, but I have too. Already they sleep all of the time and can't do that much of what they used to be able to do. I have been attempting to adapt. 

Refusing to Pray - I am an Episcopalian that does believe God answers some prayers. I refuse to pray for this person. I have this gut instinct that isn't wrong about things like if someone is going to die and when. I want to keep my faith so I am refusing to pray for something that will never be answered. 

Sense of Unfairness - this person is a good religious person who has donated a lot of money and time to various charities. They are the very best of people. It's not fair that this person is being taken from us. A long life that isn't long enough. Unfair suffering for someone who didn't just attend church regularly but spent her life helping those who need it with everything they are. 

What do I want this person to know? I love them. I will do everything I can in my limited abilities to support those that they leave behind. I know those same people will be there for me. I will try to fill the void they are leaving. They are taking a piece of me with them. A big piece. This person has helped keep me stable. Luckily, others I love are trying to fill that place because they love me. 

"What is grief if not love persevering?" 

You don't get over a loss like this. You adapt. This person is still alive but weakening. My love for this person will persevere for eternity. But my grief will evolve to be sweet memories eventually. I will miss their smile, their laugh, their guidance. I will miss their hugs and everything else good about them. 

I bury myself in romance novels. A guaranteed happy ending which is why I started reading them to begin with. I am repurchasing my old ones on kindle little by little. Hiding in the stories. Forgetting the basics of my daily life. Dinners have been late and not what they should be. I forget to walk or even go outside even on nice days. Slowly, I am getting better at those things. Remembering to cook the right foods, walking at least a little each day. remembering it's been 3 months and I really need to do a blog post. 

"What is grief if not love persevering?" 

Vision is right, grief is love persevering. 

Election 2024 Vs. Election 2028

 For obvious reasons we are talking about the likely rematch next year between President Biden and FORMER President Trump. But what happens next year effects the 2028 election too. It's time we talk about that. 

Things are close but the bottom line when people step in the voting box is going to amount to this:

Vote Red Not Instead voters = Trump but much more of them will do it because they always vote republican and NOT because they think he's great. 

Vote Blue No Matter Who voters = Biden but they do it while thinking about Kamala Harris.

Swing voters = Most will be Biden. It's a close election simply with fewer swing voters then in the past. But they will be thinking about Trump's indictments, his election denialism, and his autocratic tendencies. That's going to be more then they can take. 

Opinion | Voting in primaries has vanished - The Washington Post

I read that article today. by Karen Tumulty of the Washington Post.  Mostly extremists vote in the primaries and the "general election only" people are more likely to just stick to their party even if they hate the candidate. Most swing voters don't follow politics and vote for the sane option in the general election. 

"Only 68,000 voters, or 12 percent of the number who were eligible. We don’t have a House that represents voters because most voters don’t participate."

If Biden were progressive, it would be more of a toss-up. But Biden is very moderate and has passed a lot of things on a bi-partisan basis. All the MAGAs in the house are doing between the baseless impeachment inquiry and the shutdown is reminding voters that democrats are the ones willing to meet in the middle. In fact, the Senate signed sealed and delivered the house a bi-partisan stopgap bill that easily could have gotten house democrat AND moderate republican support, enough to pass. But McCarthy refused to bring it to a vote because of his MAGA crowd. 

So, Biden wins a second term. What about 2028? Trump will be 83 but still legally can run. What about the too old argument? That is only a problem when democrats are running. Democrats will also be in a jam. The last time the same party served for 12 years was Reagan and the elder Bush. In recent years most (except for Trump) serve two terms then the Presidency flips. 

But this might be the one situation where democrats can pull off that 12 year or more thing. It literally all comes down to the candidates. For democrats I see Sec. Pete Buttigieg as the nominee. He's the true heir apparent and will be well polished by then. His VP will be a moderate woman like Gretchen Whitmire. 

The wildcard is the republican nominee. If Trump loses this time, it's harder to claim TWO stolen elections. He's a loser and this proves that. So, he might run in 2028 but, is he the nominee? I don't think so. I think GOP primary voters will want a nominee that is NOT prone to elections getting stolen. The nominee is still likely to be a MAGA extremist crackpot. DeSantis will be out because all of his extreme laws get struck down at least partially by the courts. Josh Howley with Marjory Taylor Greene as the VP is the like GOP ticket. 

So, Sec. Buttigieg verses Sen. Howley. It's the same voter decisions and too many swing voters are tired of the MAGAs. I think we can do it. I also think if we do, THAT will be what turns the GOP moderate again. 

Update On My Book!

 My book is now in paperback and hard cover!

Paperback link but you can order any of the three types:

Feeding Family: From My Table To Yours: Schroeder, Fran, Schroeder, Zachary: 9798850239701: Amazon.com: Books

Hard cover link but you can also order all three types:

Feeding Family: From My Table To Yours: Schroeder, Fran, Schroeder, Zachary: 9798398614985: Amazon.com: Books

Kindle version but you can also order all three types:

Amazon.com: Feeding Family: From My Table To Yours eBook : Schroeder, Fran, Schroeder, Zachary: Kindle Store

MORE NEWS!

I am currently working on a crochet and knit pattern book. I don't know how it's going to go. I just started it this morning. But it's my collection of crochet and knit patterns that are for beginners and intermediates, look good, and are things you might use if you make them anyway. 

High School Kid, Not Ready Mom

 Zach starts high school this week. I'm not ready. I was 16 when Josh and I met. Zach is 14. He'll be in the building we met in and possibly even in the classroom we met in. That's not why I'm not ready. I'm not ready for the dinners alone. 

For most couples, everyone is done with work and can eat dinner together. If the teenager is out, the parents eat just the two of them. If the teenager becomes a college kid away at school, the parents are still eating together each night. But Josh works from 9:30 am until just before 10:30 pm. Josh will eat the dinner leftovers when he gets home. But Zach and I are usually just the two of us for dinner. So, when Zach's out, I am alone. 

I am getting a taste of that. My parents have lately invited Zach for special dinners sometimes. I can't eat beef tacos or steak anymore. So, they invite him for some favorites he can't get at home. Of course, the steak makes him sick too. He is just in denial about that. A rare day alone here and there isn't so bad. But what happens when it's five days a week?

I get periods of depression. It's one of my many mental health concerns. How will I handle the loneliness? My original backup plan was to have another kid. I'm almost 43, I can still do it. Josh reminded me I almost bled to death when Zach was born and, the doctor warned him against me being pregnant again. How can I prevent depression when I'm going to be that lonely? Don't complain about your company forcing you back to the office. Josh never in any of his jobs had "work from home" as an option. 

The electives at Zach's new school are a democratic dream! Social Justice, Women's Studies, and a surprisingly long list of other things that would be labeled as "woke" and illegal in other states. I hadn't heard of some of them but feel they are great to offer. This is why New Jersey is simply the best! I know he'll be exposed to a lot of important educational topics. Real things that are important for life. 

He's talking more about what activities he wants to do. In July, my mom took him to the college where my mom, dad, and brother went. She knows an Architecture professor who gave them a private tour. Zach fell in love with the school. After that, Zach decided he wants to be an Architect and will look up recommended extra-curriculars from the college website when choosing what he wants to do the next four years after school and for electives. I am proud that he has his eyes on the long-term goals and how to reach them. I am also relieved because he says he plans to live at home if he goes there. 

He's getting too big too fast. He's also responsible, helpful, intelligent, handsome, and continues to be my literal dream child.  I can't live without him. He's going to partially abandon me some day. How much depends on the girl he falls in love with. I'm not ready to lose him. I am one year closer to probably the worst and longest depression episode of my life. I just don't know how many years I have left with him, 4? 8? 12? More? He's about to soar, I'm about to fall. This is going to be interesting to figure out our new life. At least I have some time until then.